How much should a working partner pay into a stay-at-home parent's pension?

[Karma1387]

How do you work out the right amount to put away into a pension from partners income as a stay at home parent?

Me and my partner have decided I wont return to work for the foreseeable future due to childcare costs and wraparound fees at primary school.

I am aware this means I wont be paying into my work pension. I have seen lots of advice that the working parent should put money into the stay at home parents private pension. How do you work out how much to put away?

I have considered doing 4% of a full time minimum wage salary ( as this seems fair as its what I would be earning if I returned to work. But I thought I would see how others do it before we commit to anything.

Any experiences appreciated.

(We are getting married just so it doesn't turn into a thread about needing to get married)

Ours is a minimum of 4% and then our employer matches that. The maximum our employer matches is 7.5%

No DB pensions. Normal salary sacrifice pensions.

My employer pays 3%. That's the maximum and minimum! And it's a massive company as well.

You can pay in an ampunt up to your salary per year.
you can contribute 100% of your salary into a pension, tax relief is usually limited to 100% of your annual earnings or a £60,000 annual allowance (for 2026/27),
If unrmployed In terms of tax relief you can put in £2880 a year and an extra 720 is added by hmrc . So "free" money to yourcpension fund
It would be tax efficient free money from govt
So put the maximum in espec if not married

Wow! I will be grateful ours matches up to 7.5% if we can ever afford to contribute that much.

I couldn't afford to put in the full £2880 per year! Perhaps I will start with asking him to put away £80 (4% of full time minimum wage) and then we can always increase it if his income goes up or our outgoings decrease. At least that seems fair if we are both paying in 4% based off some of the replies once we are married its not such an issue anyway having my own pension.

This is MN, comfortable retirement here is very comfortable in real life 😀

It s about family money right if you taking time off paid work to be sahp? Sonyou benefitying him as a parent . You losing out for his benefit?
So not what you singular can afford but you plural.

While you unmarried go to full time work and get full time pension paid

Childcare costs shared out of joint income

My DH was a SAHP for several years by mutual agreement. For some of those years we had to run a very tight ship to afford the luxury of an adult at home, but as soon as the situation eased I started paying £2880 a year into a SIPP for him so that he'd have some pension savings under his own control rather than relying on mine, and we kept that going when he returned to work because he didn't earn enough to pay tax. I'd have done it sooner if I could, because although he liked not going out to work it suited everyone for him to be at home.

I mean I am losing out for mine and my kids benefit. I'm the one who didn't want to continue my career when my first son was born as childcare didnt exist for the hours I needed and I didnt want to miss out on time with my son.

If my partner had his way I would go back to earning a decent wage.

But all our money is combined. So when I say we cant afford to max a personal pension each year for me I mean WE as in our household income cant afford it.

You need to be careful that your partner doesn’t get resentful / ir he wants you to work and you’re not. Have you agreed how long you’ll be a sahm and what you’ll do once you’re not ?

We have tentively decided until the end of primary school due to the cost of wrap around care and the cost of running a second car.

As for after I imagine I will either start back at the bottom of the retail ladder or look for something else if I don't want to go back to that.

I do worry slightly about resentment but equally the cost of childcare and wrap around care and school holiday childcare makes working anything except the part time role I do now not worthwhile and he understands that.

You need to look into your soon-to-be husband's pension scheme conditions before relying on it and assuming it would all automatically transfer to you if he dies first.

Might be worth speaking with a financial adviser to see how best to have a pension for yourself.

As long as he is under 75 his workplace pension comes to me.

I'm not sure I would be putting enough away each month to warrant a financial advisor but I will look into it. Thank you.

I get that childcare is expensive but I'm surprised that it's not financially worthwhile for you to work more than a part time retail job until your child is out of primary school.

Are you also including the loss of employer pension contributions (pertinent considering the topic of this thread) and 11 years worth of salary increases that you'd have if you worked in a role with more chances for promotion?
Remember if you are in work you can get help towards childcare costs as well.
Is a second car definitely a need?

11 years (or more if you have that second child) is a long time to commit to this on the basis that you currently want to spend more time with your very young child.

I do appreciate the fact I could start a new full time job at the end of maternity leave and I would have 11 years of potential promotions but that money just isnt worth missing out on being there with my kids. I dont want to be dropping them off at 7.30 am and picking them up at 6pm. I don't want to miss their first days or sports days or being able to pick them up when they are sick without stressing about a job.

Plus the cost of childcare sucking up so much of my pay makes it even less appealing.

And we would unfortunately need a car due to partners working hours/commute which would be a significant cost.

Up to you but I think your partner doesn’t really agree

and btw I never missed a sports day, assembly, nativity or anything even though worked full time

anyway not the topic of thread.

so good luck

He 50/50 agrees. He understands I dont want to work just to lose most of it to childcare/commuting expenses when I can be home with them and not have that stress added.

But if he turned around and said I had to go back to full time work I would as long as he was willing to change his expectations and potentially his career and earnings.

But I appreciate you highlighting the potential issue. I am aware of it incase it becomes an issue.

I don’t work (due to illness, not by choice). Dh pays me a set amount each month, through which I cover a portion of the household expenses and my own personal expenses. I would consider pension a personal expense. Your Dh should be supporting you financially at whatever amount you agree to and then you decide from that how much you contribute to your pension.

At the moment, I’m taking a break from paying into my private pension. I may not live long enough to collect it realistically. The money is better used now to enjoy life and give us a buffer than to contribute to possible survivors benefits for Dh, which he doesn’t particularly need. I will pick up paying into it again in a couple years when I return to work. I am still collecting NI credits obviously for my state pension.

That said, even working in quite a senior role, with a long London commute, I’ve also never missed a sports day (god, I do wish I could though!) or a school play or an awards assembly. Dh has only missed a couple. One of us has always been around to do the school runs, never used wrap around care. So working is not incompatible with being fully present for family life.

All depends on your outgoings and his income one wage will only go so far

we didn’t bother when my wife returned to work I still paid for everything and practically all of her wage for 3 years went into a pension

but as others said just make sure he doesn’t start resenting being sole earner

I'd put equal amounts in.

How old are you just now? Pension planning is important so good to think of it now. I didn’t pay attention until I was 50. I think it will surprise you how much you need. I mean it will be like you live now, but hopefully without housing costs because your mortgage will be cleared off.

I would work out what you think you can afford and aim for the 2800 a year, in your name. You mentioned 80 a month, that’s only about 1k a year so you’ll have 11k invested. It’s really not a lot.

Put another way, you will need to accept that by not working for 11 years, you’ll be postponing that time to your elderly working years. This will mean you are working till almost 80. That is not a good thought.

I would get a benefits check done to see what you are entitled to if you go back to work part-time. You may be surprised. Getting back into the workplace when you are older is more challenging. Could you get a job in a school canteen which might fit your life better?

Because many people on this site apparently earn much more than that and want to live the same lifestyle in retirement. Those of us living now on salaries much less than mumsnet norms, will manage on less in retirement as our expectations and lifestyles are completely different.

If you're in the UK, should you not also be topping up your NI for state pension?

If family finances allow, then ideally it should be the equivalent of what the sahp would have been paying into their pension if they were working.

Not always practicable though.