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Original poster

Turned off by husband’s fantasy

62 replies

Calidor · 09/04/2026 14:32

DH has a particular fantasy and is really getting me down. He fantasises about me going to bed with someone else. Every time we make love it’s all he talks about before, during and after, and now I’m beginning to dread having sex. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says it’s only a bit of fun, but it’s really not fun for me and I actually am turned off by it all. He is adamant that I will do it one day, but I really hate the very idea. Any advice on how to deal with this?

OP posts:
ProudAmberTurtle · 09/04/2026 14:34

"John - I'm not going to tell you again. I don't like you telling me that you keep fantasising about other men. If you do it again, it's over"

Shallotsaresmallonions · 09/04/2026 14:34

"He is adamant that I will do it one day" BIG MASSIVE RED FLAG.

My instinct is ltb, but if you want to stay in the relationship, I would be making it clear that if he brings it up again, it's over. It has to be a deal-breaker and a very firm boundary.

UpDownAllAround1 · 09/04/2026 14:35

Don’t have sex with him

its2025 · 09/04/2026 14:36

Dear partner - You need to understand that your little fantasy doesn't interest me in the slightest - in fact - you continually talking about it is putting me off sex altogether. Please stop or I will not be having sex with you at all.

Coldiron · 09/04/2026 14:37

Tell him he’s right, you probably will end up doing it one day - after you have divorced him for being a massive twat

Forresty · 09/04/2026 14:38

He is adamant that I will do it one day,

Eurgh. This is giving Giselle Pelicot vibes 😞

You have got a big, big problem here OP. Possibly, in the end, relationship -destroying. Because he will never, never give up this fantasy. Even if he stops mentioning it for a while. It will always come back again.

Listlostlast · 09/04/2026 14:41

Forresty · 09/04/2026 14:38

He is adamant that I will do it one day,

Eurgh. This is giving Giselle Pelicot vibes 😞

You have got a big, big problem here OP. Possibly, in the end, relationship -destroying. Because he will never, never give up this fantasy. Even if he stops mentioning it for a while. It will always come back again.

That was my first thought too. I bloody hope not of course but how creepy is he?! He’s treating you as an object, devoid of your own thoughts, feelings or preferences. I’d be telling him once more, and only once, that if he doesn’t shut up immediately and never mention it again, I’d be out. Honestly I’d be questioning whether this marriage was right for me at all, I can’t really see how you could come back from this. A harmless fantasy, mentioned casually once or twice, this is not.

HelpMeGetThrough · 09/04/2026 14:41

I’ll bet if he was ever in the actual position of you doing it, he’d shit himself and then the story would be very different.

outerspacepotato · 09/04/2026 14:43

Guys who do this and continue to harass you about it after being told no are not going to stop. He's flying big red flags that he's sexually abusive by not taking no for an answer.

He is adamant that I will do it one day, but I really hate the very idea.

And this is where you realize you're sexually incompatible and break up over it before he does something like get you drunk or drug you. He sounds dangerous.

nc43214321 · 09/04/2026 14:56

Yeah sexually not compatible, think he’s just looking for another reason so he can sleep with other women.

deveronvalley · 09/04/2026 15:00

My husband tickled my sides every time he walked past. I asked him to stop as it’s annoying. He carried on, I asked him again to stop, it carried on. Days of it. Then I roared at him if you don’t fucking stop doing that I will fucking leave you because you’re being a fucking prick. That did the job and I would recommend that.

Mosaalolsu · 09/04/2026 15:00

At least he is telling you he is creepy. Do with that information what you will

Mosaalolsu · 09/04/2026 15:01

deveronvalley · 09/04/2026 15:00

My husband tickled my sides every time he walked past. I asked him to stop as it’s annoying. He carried on, I asked him again to stop, it carried on. Days of it. Then I roared at him if you don’t fucking stop doing that I will fucking leave you because you’re being a fucking prick. That did the job and I would recommend that.

Nah, he will still be thinking it at the crucial time. What an absolute turn off.

pinkyredrose · 09/04/2026 15:02

He is adamant that I will do it one day,

He doesn't get to decide what you do with your body.

YRGAM · 09/04/2026 15:03

Tell him to stop watching porn. Seriously, this is where it will have come from, and if he gives up the porn for a couple of weeks I guarantee things will be better for both of you in the bedroom

WallaceinAnderland · 09/04/2026 15:04

Why are you having sex that upsets you. Just tell him if he mentions it again you will stop immediately and take sex off the table until he can control himself.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 09/04/2026 15:05

Don’t do something you dread. It’s seriously bad for your MH.

Stop having sex with him and tell him why.

Forresty · 09/04/2026 15:05

YRGAM · 09/04/2026 15:03

Tell him to stop watching porn. Seriously, this is where it will have come from, and if he gives up the porn for a couple of weeks I guarantee things will be better for both of you in the bedroom

I think you are being naively over-optimistic here.

He's already got to the point of repeatedly insisting that the OP will sleep with other men (he won't want to stop at one time, you can bet) to satisfy his sick fantasy. This is not going to go away.

Forresty · 09/04/2026 15:05

WallaceinAnderland · 09/04/2026 15:04

Why are you having sex that upsets you. Just tell him if he mentions it again you will stop immediately and take sex off the table until he can control himself.

That's really not how it works with fetishes. It won't go away.

Tacohill · 09/04/2026 15:07

You should bot be having sex with him if you’re not turned on.

Stop having sex unless you enjoy it.

Tell him one final time that you are not interested and you don’t want to hear it again.
And that if he mentions it again, you will be reconsidering the relationship.

It’s not about the fantasy.
Its about him knowing something makes you feel uncomfortable and is still talking about it.

He is pressuring you into doing something that you have expressed you don’t want to do - it doesn’t get much more disrespectful than that.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 09/04/2026 15:11

I would leave as I wouldn't respect him anymore. How will he protect and defend you when he is like this?

Plus, 'Cuckolding' is the step away from being gay imo

PinkNailPolish2026 · 09/04/2026 15:11

Tell him he either stops taking about something that makes you uncomfortable or there’s no sex. Simple. He is adamant that I will do it one day if my DH mentioned anything like this to me his bags would be packed, he knows it’s not my “thing” at all, your DH clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries. It’s not a “bit of fun” to you, he sounds repulsive imo.

loislovesstewie · 09/04/2026 15:13

Tell him that if he doesn't stop there will be no more sex ever again. You don't find it a turn on, it's actually a turn off, it's ruined your relationship and if he carries on it's over. It is a fetish and you don't share that fetish.

ForTipsyFinch · 09/04/2026 15:13

All this talk is deliberate, he’s trying to erode your boundaries so you give in, if only because you’re tired of hearing about it.

He doesn’t sound like a nice decent partner 🚩

NamingNoNames · 09/04/2026 15:15

Stop having sex with him.