Me (21F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together now for 3 years now. Our whole relationship we’ve talked about our future, what we want, how many years we expect to be together before marriage, all the fun stuff. I’ve made it very clear that what I want in my future is a 2 parent household with both parents actively in our children’s life, not missing any important details of their childhood, and a stable partner, there for me emotionally, physically, just to be my rock. I’ve been thru a lot in my childhood, and I feel having a control over making sure my children’s lives are better than mine was, would heal me. He’s been aware of that, and agreed to a life like that with me due to us having similar values in that sense.
Now a few weeks ago he came to me, told me he wanted to do four years in the army, and he would be doing something safe, promises of coming home every night, and being there for me and our future family. I was taken aback as he had never mentioned the military, and I can’t necessarily say I was happy, but I agreed. Now he’s coming to me saying it’s his dream to be in the marines. He wants to be in the field. He’s not going to be home every night. And I just broke. Tried to compromise, there appears to be no solution. This is really what he wants to do, and he wants to start this whole little journey off married. Granted I already knew the question would be being popped soon, just not so happy about the circumstances it’ll be popped under. Among other things marriage is a commitment, a promise. And it feels like there won’t even be a honey moon. I’m at the point in my life where I want to get married soon and have kids in a few years. However I can’t necessarily see myself being happy if my husband isn’t around, if he’s missing their first steps or first words, or miss that first day of school. It would break me. The moving around constantly would break me. But I love him. Everyone around me has told me even though I love him he’s not thinking about me, he’s not thinking about our future, and that I need to leave him and put myself first. That if he won’t come to a compromise, about OUR future I need to just leave and focus on me. But I can’t wrap my head around it. That’s the main issue in our relationship and I’ve been dreading anything he talks about marine, his fyp being all propaganda, it’s just a trigger for me, and I can’t help it bc I see myself being so miserable. I feel terrible. I feel like a terrible partner because he makes it out to be me not supporting his dreams. But what about my dreams ? What about my values?
I just need advice. Did anyone else feel like this and still stay and it ended up being happily ever after? Am I overthinking it?