Woke up to partner touching me and wouldn’t stop until I gave in, is this weird or normal?

[EH8]

I’ve been with my partner for around 13 years, relationships been going down hill for some time due to him not treating me very well and I’ve finally started to have had enough. We haven’t had sex much at all recently, probably about 2 times this year. He’s tried it a few times but I’ve not given in to it as I don’t feel like having sex with him and I’m feeling confused about our relationship and don’t want to give him false hope. He knows that I’m feeling different and I haven’t been affectionate towards him at all for a few months now.

last night I’d gone to bed before him and I woke up to him touching me, I was still half asleep but remember pushing his hand away and saying no. He kept on persisting for what felt like forever and I was pretending to be asleep but still moving away from him, I actually nearly fell out of the bed I’d moved that far away from him. He continued touching and rubbing me and in the end I thought he’s not going to stop so I just let him have sex with me and pretended to enjoy it. After he’d finished I turned my back and tried to go back to sleep but it took me a while and he put his arm around me and fell straight to sleep, he texted me this morning saying sorry that he woke me up with a smiley emoji. I’ve woken up this morning feeling a little unsure about it, I’m not sure if this is normal behaviour for a man to do this with his partner or is this weird?

I don’t feel like it’s rape because I let him in the end but at the same time I do feel like I was almost tricked into it because I was sleeping.

i guess I’m just looking for opinions on this and whether this is normal behaviour as we’ve been together for so long and if your partner has done this before?

I appreciate everyone’s opinions and concerns, im going to take time to think properly about what I’m going to do, I don’t have any friends to talk to about this which is why I asked on here and I hate to admit to myself but I think everyone is right I just didn’t want to believe it, I’ll maybe speak to the charities that people have mentioned over the next week and go from there, thank you to everyone🩷

When I saw your post I felt I had to reply.
I hope you’re ok.

Im currently in your situation that’s been going on for years, slowly , so I didn’t realise it wasn’t normal. It took literally hundreds of posters on my own thread to tell me what DH is doing is not normal and is abuse. I still struggle to see it that way.

Like you, he starts things like touching or putting my hands on him while asleep. He starts sex while I’m asleep and I’ve woken up to sex happening several times. He doesn’t like to take no for an answer and guilt trips me. The worst thing was a few years ago (and I still think about it every day) when he forced sex after I said no and was crying, and pregnant. He claims not to remember this.

I am NOT a good person to give advice as I feel paralysed to leave as I still love him and we have children. But I would suggest if this is the first time tell him you don’t like it and his reaction might tell you something? I’ve told DH a few times but he clearly doesn’t take it on board as it’s still happening.

I am also scared to start arguemnts with him and always have been. I’ve also let little things go over the years and ended up in this situation. I’ve found the support on here so amazing and helpful. I’m seeing a therapist IRL too as I’ve never told another soul. The anxiety was getting too much hence me posting on here several weeks ago.

Here for support if you want to talk feel free to message me. I know how anxious and lonely it can feel ❤️

I don’t know if it’s rape. You did say no so possibly
it is. It is definitely coercive. I do know it’s gross and not okay and that you’re allowed to end the relationship. I have had more than one partner that has used the ‘wear them down’ technique, much like this, persisting after I’ve moved their hand away etc, it’s very depressing and I don’t like men very much at all.

OP, please don't let him get away with saying he didn't hear you say no, that's the oldest one in the book. Of course he heard you, but he was going to have sex with you, whether you wanted it or not. THAT EQUALS RAPE!

You're afraid to tackle him about things because he will sulk for a couple of days, that's another form of abuse right there. If a person uses silence to punish someone, to get revenge, or to exert control or power over them, this is a form of emotional abuse.

I realise that this has all come as a bit of a shock to you OP, but you really do need to end this relationship.

I'd advise if at all possible that you start by sleeping in separate rooms, and then get advice from the recommended sources, and follow their suggestions, as they will help you to leave him safely.

I'm sorry that your relationship hasn't worked out, but you only get one life, please don't waste it by staying with someone who doesn't value you.

Can I just ask, you have children with this man?

So sorry you experienced this, your husband is a rapist . You can't share the same bed as it will happen again. He knew you didn't want to. Id never trust him again . Its not normal at all . You should be able to feel safe in the comfort of your bed.