Woke up to partner touching me and wouldn’t stop until I gave in, is this weird or normal?

[EH8]

I’ve been with my partner for around 13 years, relationships been going down hill for some time due to him not treating me very well and I’ve finally started to have had enough. We haven’t had sex much at all recently, probably about 2 times this year. He’s tried it a few times but I’ve not given in to it as I don’t feel like having sex with him and I’m feeling confused about our relationship and don’t want to give him false hope. He knows that I’m feeling different and I haven’t been affectionate towards him at all for a few months now.

last night I’d gone to bed before him and I woke up to him touching me, I was still half asleep but remember pushing his hand away and saying no. He kept on persisting for what felt like forever and I was pretending to be asleep but still moving away from him, I actually nearly fell out of the bed I’d moved that far away from him. He continued touching and rubbing me and in the end I thought he’s not going to stop so I just let him have sex with me and pretended to enjoy it. After he’d finished I turned my back and tried to go back to sleep but it took me a while and he put his arm around me and fell straight to sleep, he texted me this morning saying sorry that he woke me up with a smiley emoji. I’ve woken up this morning feeling a little unsure about it, I’m not sure if this is normal behaviour for a man to do this with his partner or is this weird?

I don’t feel like it’s rape because I let him in the end but at the same time I do feel like I was almost tricked into it because I was sleeping.

i guess I’m just looking for opinions on this and whether this is normal behaviour as we’ve been together for so long and if your partner has done this before?

Do you have anyone in rl to talk to

can you pack a bag and leave or is there something keeping you there.

please reach out to woman’s aid today if possible they will help.

im another that this happened to.

For once put your own feelings and needs first. He raped you and you are more worried about his feelings! Are you scared of him? If you are you need to call the Police now report the rape and have him removed from the house. BY doing this you will safe and it will give you time and space to deal with it all and find a way forward. He is a rapist.

Why on earth are you taking his feelings into consideration? You need to treat him like the coercive sexual predator that he is!
He knew exactly what he was doing.
I'm so sorry that the person you should be able to trust most sexually assaulted you in your own home.
Please seek help & advise from one of the support groups listed on this NHS guidance page
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

You need him out of your home and life as soon as possible.

Happened to me once about 25 years ago.
I'm surprised they still get away with this.

I’ve just returned from work and seen him for the first time since last night, he said it was nice seeing me last night and I said “I didn’t have much choice did I” and he said I could of said no to which I said I did say no, he said he didn’t hear me, maybe he didn’t hear me actually say no

He heard you. It suits him to pretend that he didn't. I hope you are safe tonight.

@Ljzjta coerced sex is rape.

He knew you weren't enthusiasticly consenting and he carried on regardless. He is not safe to sleep next to in the same bed. Can you call rape crisis when he's out for support? Leave him - its not ok

Yes, agree.
Moving his hand away and moving away are very clear indications that she didn't want sex.
But he persisted until she felt she had no choice.
Anything that isn't an enthusiastic yes is a no.

I'm so sorry you went through that OP, it's not ok, it's coercive and he dam well knows you didn't want to. A man that loved and respected you would not do that, and the fact you can't raise it with him without being scared is not good, he abusive, end of

I can't see how you come back from it tbh, please seek out help and support to get yourself away from him.💐

Coercion is not consent. He raped you.

I'm so sorry.

Oh my god, its not the 1950s. The consent was not freely given, she gave in to get it over with as there is no way out. Please educate yourself and stop peddling this rubbish that’s it’s only rape if you fight/ it’s a stranger etc, so dangerous, victim blaming and just wrong in law and morals. This is not a matter of opinion, it is a matter of law and facts.

Tell him you did not appreciate it??? JFC 🙄

Well my partner had woken me up to initiate sex a few times and I do the same to him if I chat sleep and feel like it , off course he would never
insist if I said no and I wouldn’t either , not that I remember that happening 🤣.
If you said no it should be no . Have you spoken about it with him

Regardless of what you think or don’t think, the law doesn’t agree with you. Coerced sex is rape in the eyes of the law.

Hi OP, just to make it clear to you.

He did not want to have sex with you when you were awake/ conscious.

He initiated sex when you were asleep, persisted when you did not want to, and made you do it against your will.

It does not matter how you classify it - he basically wants your body but not you. He prefers it when you are unconscious/ sleepy. Its creepy and fucked up tbh.

Edited: I would also think its about control and dominance. All very gross despicable things.

This

She was coerced into it?!

this is rape

I would not like to be with someone who gets turned on by the idea of his partner forced to have sex.

Spot on.

Please go to the police station & report this.

your partner has sexually assaulted you whilst you were sleeping. Its also not consent when you are coerced into it because they won’t stop when you ask.

its a lot to get your head around,

can you get away from your partner go stay with a friend or hotel or family to keep yourself safe? If he has done it once he will do it again

I'm really sorry this happened to you. It will be extra confusing because you've been together for so long, and especially if something like this hasn't happened before.

Within the context of what happened, I don't believe he didn't hear you, and it's not a coincidence that he chose when you were sleepy or sleeping. He chose the most vulnerable space and time he could have chosen because he didn't want to be refused.

If this behaviour is new, I'd say it's because he knows your on your way out, and he's becoming more ruthless and selfish in terms of getting what he wants. The problem you have now is that he's had a taste of it, and the gap between now and doing something more distressing to you is much smaller.

You need support to leave as soon as possible because the most dangerous time is when a woman leaves. Don't tell him you're leaving. Just leave. It's sad, but he's the one who's put you in this position, so he only has himself to blame.

Only you know your relationship and what brought you to this point. You have to make up your own mind about this and not listen to advice from people that don’t know either of you. Listen to yourself. Or get couple counselling.

If a man who wasn't your boyfriend did this I think you would clearly see it as rape. You said no, he persisted. You pretending to enjoy it has probably made him think he did nothing wrong, as seen with the text, he will be thinking he did something good for the relationship. If you don't end it, or at least tell him what he did was wrong, there's a very good chance he will do it again.

That was rape.

I am so sorry you are in this situation.

Call Women's Aid and make an escaoe plan this man is evil.