Gym class clique ignores me but chats with others, how to handle?

[Butterflyface2023]

I’ve been going to my local gym for almost two years now and usually attend a mix of classes. I’m there fairly regularly, so I see the same faces across the week and weekend. The general atmosphere is friendly — lots of chatty people, a mix of ages, and a steady flow of new members. I’ve met some lovely people and usually feel quite at ease.
There’s one thing that’s been bothering me, though. There’s a particular group — mostly women and one guy — who all seem very close. They chat before and after classes, and it’s clear they spend time together socially outside the gym. They’re friendly with others, but with me it’s… odd. I’ve tried saying hello a few times, and they either barely acknowledge me or ignore me completely. When I walk into the room, they don’t look up or say hi, even though they do with others. Interestingly, one of the girls will chat to me when she’s not with the group.
It’s starting to play on my mind more than I’d like. I’m not sure if it’s territorial, cliquey, or just a personality mismatch. People often tell me I’m pretty, so part of me wonders if that’s a factor, but I’m aware I might be overthinking.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of dynamic in a gym or class setting? **

Don't do that to yourself get a new class or just get on With it

I don’t think prettiness is a factor lol

Reading between the lines, they are probably dating or fancy each other and you’re likely intruding on their personal time. Not because you’re “pretty”, but because they just are focused on each other, are probably flirting with each other and aren’t interested in a friendship with you during that time.

They’re probably friendly with others, because they have them in a different category to you. Eg to them, you are just a random at the gym, but the others are mates/acquaintances. I’d also like to add, there’s nothing wrong with that! That’s the baseline!

Your gym sounds like it’s insufferable, I like being somewhat invisible at the gym, especially as someone in my 20s. I have enough friends and don’t want to get involved with cliques at the gym, gyms are supposed to be chill/non-judgemental places - not insular environments where everyone knows each other personally and tracks who goes to what class or whatever.

There's something similar in the gym i go to - other members have noticed it too - and it seems to be a thing in some gyms.
There will be a group who take it quite seriously, might be a bit competitive, maybe knew each other from before, their social life follows from the gym or they fancy each other etc etc.
I find it funny at this point but I don't bother with them.

Love this! Absolutely Fitter, stronger and more energetic :)
i’ve also lost a decent amount of weight since going ❤️

I thought it was supposed to be a joke. Quite hard to tell!

Not important. Sounds a bit like the school gate mafia found in some Primary schools, If it bothers you that much try and change your gym time.

This sounds like the first episode of Motherland. After 2 years, why worry?

Or it just sounds like people talking to their friends.

Hi Op Been in your situation a number of years ago. It is the well known pack mentality.
I would approach it like this you are far better off without these people. Form your own group or chat with others or join another gym.
You are not missing these people who form the pack just idiots simple as that.

Oh for goodness sake, they’re just friends.

or are we to assume when you’re out with your own friends, you are constantly scanning everyone else, to see if they want to join you?

And even if you are, others aren’t. I’m not. I have plenty of friends. I don’t have the space in my life for any more. And I have had plenty of experiences in the past where I have been friendly with strangers, eg at the gym, and then they’re in my face every single time like we’re besties. I’ve pulled back a bit now from being so friendly because of it.

Yes, this I can imagine!
There isn't necessarily an organised 'Let's not talk to Alex' plan as someone wondered earlier, but it's the territorial aspect that comes out in a lot of ways. Group of friends - no problem. A feeling of 'this has always been our class and the rest of the room are random hangers on, stop them hogging the sun loungers.'

It's giving Nigerian prince vibes!

I think this post is meant to be sarcastic but there’s possibly a measure of truth in it!

I’m definitely not drop dead gorgeous but have experienced what you are OP many times.
Now at the age of 56 I realise 2 things:
Feeling paranoid is my issue.
The people you’re referring aren’t interested in you but that’s not a big deal. Are you interested in everyone?
I presume you have other social groups, more important established friendships? Concentrate on these.
Good luck OP.

You need to forget about them. I pay no attention to most others in my gym classes, but I do stay for coffee with the same group. Is some randomer feeling excluded? I really wouldn’t notice or care.

Why do you feel the need to be so spiteful? I'm simply choosing to lead with kindness & compassion. It costs nothing to be supportive.

I can relate but in my situation it's the instructor who ignores me! I've been going to her classes for nearly 5 years & she was fine in the beginning but for over 3 years now she's ignored me. She goes round saying hello before the class & looks straight through me. She only ever speaks to me to tell me if I'm not doing a move right. Bizarre & unprofessional behaviour imo

But in your situation I'd find other people to talk to

I'm simply choosing to respond with some grace & compassionate empathy which, original commenter could appreciate as she was obviously upset to have commented. I believe there's enough hardship in the world without anyone else adding to it.
Hope you have a kinder day ahead!

Cool.

Sorry to hear this is bothering you, but I think the best thing to do is just not worry about it. Almost nobody (except maybe David Attenborough and Dolly Parton, who probably don't go to your gym) is going to be liked by everybody. I wouldn't bother trying to engage with these people any more, except the one who talks to you separately sometimes. If you wanted to try a little social experiment you could maybe try saying hello to just her (by name) in front of her friends - if they've somehow just failed to notice you properly they might ask her "who was that?" and she just might say something positive about you. But don't count on it, and only do it if you're reasonably sure they're not actively hostile to you, otherwise there could be repercussions for the friendlier one. Though if they're that childish she might be better off out of it.

Nor could I until I became part of a friendship group that operated like this. All professional women in their mid forties. I totally get that you don't believe it. I never encountered anything like it at school. But I've been present when the queen bee instructs people to lie and all say they are in different places when the one person they excluded messages the group to ask if anyone fancies meeting up, to cover up the fact that they are out together and she hasn't been invited. Then seen them scuttle off and text those lies as instructed, and giggle about it, like mean schoolgirls.

I didn't hang around in that group. But it was an education. These people exist well into adulthood. That's why i don;t think OP is necessarily being paranoid. If they just ignore her, fine. But if they make a point of being friendly to everyone else except her - that's a game they are playing to feel powerful.

They’re probably jealous of your looks, who wants to be mates with people like that???

I agree with this. And this constant pitting women against each other needs to stop. Another woman being pretty doesn’t mean anything to me: I’m hanging out with my friends and have no desire to invite another person to join the group. A friendship group isn’t a “clique” and nobody is owed friendship. Unless they’re being actively hostile then you need to get over yourself OP, because I doubt they’ve given you a second’s thought to be honest.

So if you’re out for lunch with your friends that’s you having a pack mentality is it? Do you say hello to everyone who walks past your table and invite them to sit down and join you?

I think they just know each other and some other people in the room better than you. Groups that have a pre existing dynamic are not easy to be part of (my approach is to not care or try tbh). I chat with people who clearly want to chat with me and don't worry about the rest!