Partner doesn’t want children

[fantasticsmore]

I am with a man I love and see my future with- marriage, buying a house etc. He’s an amazing man.

He has 4 children already and I have 2 (none together). We recently spoke about children and he said it’s highly likely he won’t want another. He said it isn’t a hard no but right now he feels that there are more cons than pros to another baby therefore he probably won’t want one in the future.

I Always wanted 3 children, and am now not sure what to do. I’m going to assume he won’t want children, so do I leave the man I see myself spending my life with to potentially have a baby with someone else? Or do I chose him as I am lucky enough to have 2 healthy amazing children already?

You've got 6 between you and you want more?

He sounds very sensible and obviously has his head screwed on the right way. You have 6 children between you who presumably have had quite unsettled childhoods with divorce or separation, probably bounce between different homes, come at huge cost, and introducing another child into that would be madness.

If he's amazing, I think you'd be crazy to throw it away when you already have six kids between you.

How old are you?

@SirChenjins Excellent answer.

I was all ready to say oh don’t compromise on kids. But you have 6 among you both and surely have your hands full. Even purely from a financial point of view it will sense to stop at

Christ I don't blame him with 6 between you already
How old are you both and how long have you been together?

You’re saying that like the only options are him and no baby or someone else and another baby.

The third possibility is you leave him bit don’t find someone else and end up with no baby anyway. You have 6 children between you. Enjoy the love you have found and your blessings already

Really? Six aren’t enough?

count step kids as 1/4 each and you have 3. It is quite neat that you have your kids and his kids, it's already complicated enough and 6 is plenty. He'd being very sensible. Don't have more kids.

I thought you had no children between you!

You actually have more than 3. Maybe it’s not the way that you imagined it, but you have a big family and you should be enjoying that and working out how things will work between you all as opposed to thinking about adding another person into the mix.

I can see why you are upset - but you are blessed to have family.

1st poster nails it, as often on here now.

How offensive that you believe every person who is single with children gave their children unsettled childhoods bouncing between different homes 😳

How old are the 6

She said presumably, not definitely, and she didn’t say every child of a single parent has that life.

What are your ages & the DC ages? How often do they all live at yours v other parents?

Has he said why he doesn't want any more or given you any idea of what would need to change for him to want one together?

Jeezzz 6 is far too many as it is!

How often does he have his 4 children? If it's not 50% of the time, why would you want to deprive 4 children of financial support so you can have a 3rd?

With 4 kids already- he has his head screwed on not to want more

He sounds smart. 4 kids is more than enough let alone your two as well. People need to think more before just popping kids out with every man/woman they shack up with.

Is he very rich? Or are you?

Because 7 kids between you isn’t covered by an average income.

Money aside it’s hard to raise a large number of kids and give them all the attention they need. Especially as they’ve all experienced some level of upheaval and significant change in their families given that their parents aren’t together.

He sounds sensible. Between you, you already have a lot of children to juggle, ensuring they all get everything they need including time and attention.

What on earth would be the benefit to a seventh child born into that set up?

Assuming all the existing children are together some of the time, are you wealthy enough to buy a seven bedroom home so they can have a bedroom each and a big enough people transporter to drive them?

Only a crazy person would want another baby in that situation.

You have 6 put together? I wouldn't want more either.

She didn't say every single parent has that set up but unfortunately it's the reality for many children of divorced parents. My grandchild has divorced and remarried parents and therefore has to negotiate two homes, two sets of rules and two sets of parents. It's a lot of stress for a child, yes they get used to it but there's simply more for a child to deal with.

@fantasticsmore how involved is your partner with your current DC? How close are your DC to their step siblings? Are you going to disrupt their lives, bring another adult into their life on the off chance you can bring yet another sibling into their life?

I do get wanting to share a child with your partner, but I think you need to let your head lead on this one. I agree with everyone else. 6 between you is a lot. Why not focus on giving them the best possible upbringing, in terms of stability as well as financially.

A love like it sounds like you two have doesn't come along every day. If you did leave him on a quest to have another baby, the likelihood is you either won't meet anyone, or you will settle for someone who isn't as great - and risk bringing a baby into an unhappy home.