Very few compliments but lovely behaviours in new dating .

[rueys]

We’re both 50 and met at a bar. He is a gentleman as far as I can see.
He is generous, consistent, kind, plans great dates, thinks ahead with me as part of plans, chivalrous, mannerly and genuinely interested in me as a person BUT in all and each of our six dates , I can only remember one compliment.
He told me I was beautiful.
Am I being unreasonable to think that he should be more generous with compliments. We’re seeing each other for the last five weeks, once/ twice per week.

Not everyone showers ppl with complments. He si obviously not that type. So if you need that he isnt for you.

But if him showing he thinks alot of you is enough thats diffrent

Not everyone is the same. My DH never compliments me, but that’s not his nature. Look at ALL those positives you’ve listed. Stop looking for the negatives.

Well if you don't want him, I'll have him.

Thanks. Perhaps this feels actions speak louder than words in how he presents whereas im
so used to words being louder than actions .

If someone compliments too often it just feels like hollow words to me.

Are you scratching around for red flags as a defence mechanism?

He told you you are beautiful within a few weeks of dating.

I’m possibly trying to make sense of behaviours im
mot used to

How have you complimented him on his efforts so far?
Or is that beneath you somehow?

Why do you think that me complimenting him on his efforts would be beneath me? What an odd thing to say!
Each time we had met I have complimented him specifically on his efforts at planning dates, how kind he is and mannerly, his generosity and organising of events. I’ve told him
how warm and chatty and affable he is to everyone .
I like to compliment

Couldn't disagree with this more. Actions speak so much louder than words. I always judge on actions, not words

Sounds like the different love languages thing. You do words, he does actions. I’d rather it be that way round!

So he is all the things you say BUT after 6 dates he is not saying how wonderful you are , how beautiful you are , how lucky he is to be even taking you out on such lovely planned dates .
Seriously you are totally unreasonable
You need to date a frog to be able to spot a prince 🙏😜

I think this is just a different style. He shows. You tell.

I hate compliments. They make me very uncomfortable. If I make a lovely meal for someone (and I am a pretty good cook), I'm happy with a "this is delicious, thank you" but I hate it when I get specific compliments.

So if compliments are important to you, this might be the wrong relationship. Over time, you can see how it goes and if he's open to changing his natural tendencies, but it's not who he is.

He sounds great! Far better than a man who throws around compliments unthinkingly. And he told you that you were beautiful. Don’t talk yourself out of a good man.

“Pollqueen · Today 21:57
rueys · Today 21:44
Thanks. Perhaps this feels actions speak louder than words in how he presents whereas im
so used to words being louder than actions .

Couldn't disagree with this more. Actions speak so much louder than words. I always judge on actions, not words”

@Pollqueen has nailed it. This with bells on. Come on, OP - you’re 50: you’ve surely learnt by now that talk is cheap and you need to judge people by what they do. And it sounds like he’s doing a lot right. He sounds great.

I don't really like compliments, and find men who make a lot of them smarmy.

I thought this too.

It doesn’t sound like it’s a red flag, though maybe something to speak to one another about if your relationship becomes more committed.

Prob doesn’t want to be accused of love bombing

Actions have permanency. Words are fleeting. I’d take a quiet good man over a wordsmith.

Hmm, I think OP is getting a hard time here. A man can have good manners and be chivalrous with a platonic friend, or their sister or his best friend’s wife; it’s not a sign of romantic interest in itself.

I think it’s strange for a man not to say “You look nice” when you meet for a date, or to never say anything positive or complimentary about you ever. That’s the type of behaviour I’d expect from a man who wanted a woman to know her place.

I'm genuinely scratching my head at this one. What more, in God's name, do you want?

I can’t think of a single instance when I was complimented by a British man during my dating years, which seems a bit sad now that I think about it. I wonder if it’s cultural. I was dating pretty uptight Oxbridge types though - where everything was always a very wry joke, and saying anything heartfelt or kind was a mortifying sign of weakness.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want some positive feedback and a bit of warmth and keenness, OP. I wonder if you’re picking up on something about this chap that’s a bit… tepid or robotic. Like he has learned how to date from a manual and has done everything properly but he’s not managing to inject much enthusiasm.

...He's generous, consistent, kind, plans great dates, thinks ahead with as part of plans, chivalrous, mannerly and genuinely interested in her as a person...

Nope, I genuinely can't think what this guy's got going for him...

I think beautiful is a heavy hitter when it comes to compliments, and used sparingly has even more impact.

Im curious about how you listed the compliments you have directed to him, none are about appearance. Has he not made any nice remarks about you as an individual? That you are funny, kind, a good listener, chatty etc? Or are you more concentrating that it hasn’t been focused on your physical appearance?

I’m with other PP’s in that I would much rather a man was consistent, open, warm and interesting than him throw a few cheap compliments fro
the script. I don’t get why someone needs to keep being told they look nice all the time.
I find compliments cringey and off putting so we’re all different.

If it’s a deal breaker for you then that’s fine but I wouldn’t there away a decent ban just because he didn’t flatter you because felt that’s what you want hear.