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Original poster

Hook-up turned serious, but he will not be exclusive and pulled back

103 replies

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 12:36

We originally met for a hookup, but it turned into something deeper and we both caught feelings. However, he recently decided to step back. He asked me not to block him because he isn't sure if he wants a relationship right now. He got out of a long-term relationship just 3–4 months ago (about a month before meeting me) where he was cheated on, and he says he’s still hurting from that.
For the past two months, we spent a lot of time together. He initiated about 90% of the contact—texting me every day until 2 AM, asking to meet up every few days, being very affectionate, and making me feel like he wanted a real relationship. He told me he really loved me and enjoyed spending time with me.
The problem is, I found out he was still hooking up with other people 'just for fun' in the background. He claimed that what we had was much deeper, but when I asked him to stop seeing others, he resisted. He said being exclusive means being in an official relationship, which he isn't ready for but after asking he said he doesnt have clear explanation yet. I kept pushing for exclusivity, and two days ago, while we were hugging, he suddenly said, 'I don't know why we are doing this.' He decided to cut contact but again asked me not to block him anywhere - like he would like still to check what I am doing, when I am online on dating apps, I dont know - it seemed like that.
He has sent a lot of mixed signals. He used to get jealous, and one night after drinking, he told me he loves me, next time after drinking he was finally ready to be 'only for me.' But the next morning, he took it back, saying he only said it to make me happy and that he still needs time.
I am 27, and this is my first real experience with love. He is almost 25 and carries a lot of baggage from his past two relationships, both of which ended sadly for him. I know I should move on, but it's really hard right now. Because he initiated so much of our connection and kept giving me hope, a part of me is still waiting for him to decide. Will he reach out again when he figures things out?
I know he probably didn't do this maliciously, and maybe I am making excuses for him. I look at my own feelings—after dating for just two months, I know I won't be able to see anyone else for at least a month. He is also an expat and is very lonely here, with only a few friends in different towns. Sometimes I wonder if he used those casual hookups to drown out his feelings, but I don't know. Maybe I excuse him too much. Still, I actually appreciate that he found the strength to end it—at least for now—because I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. He is still online on some platforms looking for people for fun or just to write with them

OP posts:
bitterbuddhist · 16/03/2026 18:15

You need to block him and move on.

He still wants access to you (hence the request not to block), but doesn't want you enough to be exclusive because he's still going through some things. Of course, aren't we all? But he's wasting your time.

Jamba0 · 16/03/2026 18:17

He's not serious. He just wants to play the field and tells you whatever you want to hear to get some.

MMUmum · 16/03/2026 18:20

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 18:06

Thank you for your support. It is really hard to come by, for me these 2 months were so intense and felt like year, I have never been felt loved like that before, never been in relationship before too - from my side this was relationship. If he really loved, me my friends say that he will comparise everyone from right now to me and might change, who knows. If I were on your place guys I would probably say the same to move on and block him but this is very hard. The worst thing is knowing that he could have person who would love him very much but instead of that he is going into fun and hugging with randoms now. Very very dissapointing, I would die to find someone like me who removed any dating apps after 2 weeks and focus on us

Edited

Stop begging for scraps from his table op, he's 25, male brains don't fully develop until this age anyway, so I doubt he knows what he wants, let him alone and look for a real relationship. Good luck

ChickenBananaBanana · 16/03/2026 18:24

I met my husband for casual sex on tinder. Neither of us were looking to date. Went over on a weekday afternoon and he invited me back the same night for a sleepover. Asked me to be exclusive the next week. If he wants you he won't risk someone else snapping you up. I'm sorry op he's just not that into you, bin him and find someone who is!

BeGutsyGoldMoose · 16/03/2026 18:32

Block and move on. Personally i would not use dating apps and i certainly would not be having sex during the first three months.
Get out and join some clubs or interest groups, you might find someone genuine by going out.
Good luck.

Sidelined101 · 16/03/2026 18:54

hes almost 25? He’s a fuckboy. Leave him where he is and move on. You will look back on this one day and wonder what the hell you were thinking

enkelt2 · 16/03/2026 20:21

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 12:36

We originally met for a hookup, but it turned into something deeper and we both caught feelings. However, he recently decided to step back. He asked me not to block him because he isn't sure if he wants a relationship right now. He got out of a long-term relationship just 3–4 months ago (about a month before meeting me) where he was cheated on, and he says he’s still hurting from that.
For the past two months, we spent a lot of time together. He initiated about 90% of the contact—texting me every day until 2 AM, asking to meet up every few days, being very affectionate, and making me feel like he wanted a real relationship. He told me he really loved me and enjoyed spending time with me.
The problem is, I found out he was still hooking up with other people 'just for fun' in the background. He claimed that what we had was much deeper, but when I asked him to stop seeing others, he resisted. He said being exclusive means being in an official relationship, which he isn't ready for but after asking he said he doesnt have clear explanation yet. I kept pushing for exclusivity, and two days ago, while we were hugging, he suddenly said, 'I don't know why we are doing this.' He decided to cut contact but again asked me not to block him anywhere - like he would like still to check what I am doing, when I am online on dating apps, I dont know - it seemed like that.
He has sent a lot of mixed signals. He used to get jealous, and one night after drinking, he told me he loves me, next time after drinking he was finally ready to be 'only for me.' But the next morning, he took it back, saying he only said it to make me happy and that he still needs time.
I am 27, and this is my first real experience with love. He is almost 25 and carries a lot of baggage from his past two relationships, both of which ended sadly for him. I know I should move on, but it's really hard right now. Because he initiated so much of our connection and kept giving me hope, a part of me is still waiting for him to decide. Will he reach out again when he figures things out?
I know he probably didn't do this maliciously, and maybe I am making excuses for him. I look at my own feelings—after dating for just two months, I know I won't be able to see anyone else for at least a month. He is also an expat and is very lonely here, with only a few friends in different towns. Sometimes I wonder if he used those casual hookups to drown out his feelings, but I don't know. Maybe I excuse him too much. Still, I actually appreciate that he found the strength to end it—at least for now—because I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. He is still online on some platforms looking for people for fun or just to write with them

O come on, block him and move on. He's treating you like a plan D/E/F etc.

ElizaJ74 · 16/03/2026 20:34

Pejdzonk · 16/03/2026 07:23

I understand, but do people like that finally change in the future? That they finally understand they cannot have cake and eat cake - just asking aside his case.

No they don't. I'm dating in my 50s and those types of men are exactly the same at 50 as he is at 25.
Why would they need to change when they can string a nice girl along like you and always have someone there to fall back on?
Other women will get sick of his bullshit and he'll come running back but he won't change.
He'll always be looking for his next fling.
Do yourself a big favour and block and delete. It's the only way to get over it x

dcthatsme · 16/03/2026 21:15

Don’t get sucked into his confusion. At the end of the day you want a committed exclusive relationship and he doesn’t. I’d bail out now. It’ll only lead to more confusion and heartache. All the best to you OP xx

candycane222 · 16/03/2026 21:19

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 13:12

Thank you for replies, for me this was real. I made one mistake - have was in one relationship over 5 years and broke up December as he was cheated, forgot to mention that he showed me messages he was writing with ex and was really cheated. All what he did for me was true, at least in my opinion, he told me to move on as he doesnt desrve me - I deserve much better. Is it possible that he is just completely lost and did all of that not on purpose? He specifically said he cannot give me ,,yet" what I need and prefers to stop meeting and etc. My friends say if he loves but is broken emotionally now and now he thinks that feeling someone is dangerous, he might come back when he feels lose and emptiness and I need to make some ultimates for him

Edited

Have some dignity and self respect for Heavens' sake OP.

He. Is. Not. The. One.

Or even a one. He's just a dirty little fuckboy.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 16/03/2026 21:55

Get rid..l wouldn't believe a word he says..He's a Player and a Born Liar.

Redragtoabull · 16/03/2026 23:28

He's dangling his carrot! Let him go and do what he 'needs' to do, and you go and find some self worth. You're better than his 'needs'.

Jamba0 · 17/03/2026 03:14

You're making constant excuses for your fuckboy. You really should listen to people. HE'S NOT INTO YOU. HE'S JUST USING YOU FOR A QUICK FUCK. When they want to be with you they don't need time to think and lame excuses. Sorry for being blunt but it doesn't seem to sink in.

Original poster
Pejdzonk · 17/03/2026 07:03

But how to forget that? How to get over it? I am still repeating everything I could done differently over and over. It has been only 6 days and sometimes is better, sometimes is worse

OP posts:
Mullaghanish · 17/03/2026 07:21

I’ve a friend who was strung along like that all the way to her forties, past the time she could have children…He went home to an arranged marriage, she didn’t meet someone else. sorry op but listen to self esteem cds.. mp3 downloads.. I’m sorry you’ve been let down but you are worthy of way more respect than that.. you are a person, not a toy to be dropped and picked up as he sees fit.. He s told you what’s on offer, listen, he doesn’t want or need what you want… when ye meet he’s scratching an itch… Don’t waste time on him, if he’s not offering what you want.. no matter how nice his cuddles are.

BeGutsyGoldMoose · 17/03/2026 11:03

@Pejdzonk
He is a loser. He will never change. He is using you for sex and nothing else. He will never ever settle down. I have a brother like this. Stringing girls along for his own ends. I hate him!
Have some self respect and block him. Yes you are hurting I totally get that, but he is not going to change. You have done nothing wrong other than fall for his charms
Have some time out without a relationship and work on your self esteem. As I said in an earlier post don't rely on dating apps. Meet people in real life with shared interests and don't get into the sex thing until that person has proved they deserve you.

Original poster
Pejdzonk · 17/03/2026 11:53

BeGutsyGoldMoose · 17/03/2026 11:03

@Pejdzonk
He is a loser. He will never change. He is using you for sex and nothing else. He will never ever settle down. I have a brother like this. Stringing girls along for his own ends. I hate him!
Have some self respect and block him. Yes you are hurting I totally get that, but he is not going to change. You have done nothing wrong other than fall for his charms
Have some time out without a relationship and work on your self esteem. As I said in an earlier post don't rely on dating apps. Meet people in real life with shared interests and don't get into the sex thing until that person has proved they deserve you.

To be honest he told me lots of time that he just want to see me and he doesnt want sex and we didnt do it also often, I think I was used mostly as emotional bandage, not as sex toy. But I know I have been used, just hard to come by :/

OP posts:
Original poster
Pejdzonk · 17/03/2026 13:05

Also worst part is that at the end I admitted that it was also my fault for pushing. I apologized for letting my anxiety get in the way and making him feel pressured. I took responsibility for pushing the exclusivity talk and reacting badly to it. I told him I completely respect his decision to step back and don't blame him at all. I left the door open in case he ever wants to try again in the future, but ultimately just wished him the best and admitted I have some things I need to work on.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 17/03/2026 13:39

Pejdzonk · 17/03/2026 13:05

Also worst part is that at the end I admitted that it was also my fault for pushing. I apologized for letting my anxiety get in the way and making him feel pressured. I took responsibility for pushing the exclusivity talk and reacting badly to it. I told him I completely respect his decision to step back and don't blame him at all. I left the door open in case he ever wants to try again in the future, but ultimately just wished him the best and admitted I have some things I need to work on.

Look kindly, just forget about him and find someone else. The way you’re leaving it now is if he gets back in touch you will run to him. Not healthy.

Kettless · 17/03/2026 13:41

Read Women who love too much. By Robin Norwood.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Take a break from men and focus on self-esteem, respect, boundaries.

You are so vulnerable to being in an abusive relationship when you value yourself so little.

If you don't find your self worth, how will a man see it?
You are so young but too old to be chasing a total player who will say any shite to suit himself.

Too many women are either used for sex or emotional support.
Cut him off.

Don't be used like this.
Better no man for a time, while YOU get your shit together.
Invest in yourself and your growth, not men.
You will reap so much if you do.

Original poster
Pejdzonk · 17/03/2026 13:46

Yes, I am going on therapy, just my brain is always analyzing if I did something good - like telling him that its not his fault - maybe that will push him away from thinking of coming back, tou know, that ,,he won and its not his fault" so he will not somehow come back - he knows where I live and work too. Because from the beginnig he wasnt looking for relationship, he just felt for it

OP posts:
whiteumbrella · 17/03/2026 14:36

He wants to shag you and other people and will say/do things to keep you around. Sorry OP 🤗

MsPavlichenko · 17/03/2026 15:11

Pejdzonk · 17/03/2026 07:03

But how to forget that? How to get over it? I am still repeating everything I could done differently over and over. It has been only 6 days and sometimes is better, sometimes is worse

You won’t move forward if you’re constantly going over it. This man is a chancer, that’s it. There may be reasons why, but it doesn’t matter. Block him, do the therapy and in the meantime distract yourself. The more you get him out your head the better you will feel.

nonmerci99 · 17/03/2026 15:14

Laiste · 14/03/2026 12:41

He's 24.
He doesn't know what he wants.

Live your life and don't wait around for him.

Exactly. He sounds like a classic f* boy, to be honest. Forget about him.

momtoboys · 17/03/2026 15:15

Oh, dear. Take it from one older and wiser...move on. If you put up with his foolishness of not being blocked, not wanting to commit, hooking up with other people, he will just think he can get away with anything. Remember the old adage (which some don't agree with!) if he wanted to be with you, he would. There are many more men in the world.

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