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Original poster

Hook-up turned serious, but he will not be exclusive and pulled back

103 replies

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 12:36

We originally met for a hookup, but it turned into something deeper and we both caught feelings. However, he recently decided to step back. He asked me not to block him because he isn't sure if he wants a relationship right now. He got out of a long-term relationship just 3–4 months ago (about a month before meeting me) where he was cheated on, and he says he’s still hurting from that.
For the past two months, we spent a lot of time together. He initiated about 90% of the contact—texting me every day until 2 AM, asking to meet up every few days, being very affectionate, and making me feel like he wanted a real relationship. He told me he really loved me and enjoyed spending time with me.
The problem is, I found out he was still hooking up with other people 'just for fun' in the background. He claimed that what we had was much deeper, but when I asked him to stop seeing others, he resisted. He said being exclusive means being in an official relationship, which he isn't ready for but after asking he said he doesnt have clear explanation yet. I kept pushing for exclusivity, and two days ago, while we were hugging, he suddenly said, 'I don't know why we are doing this.' He decided to cut contact but again asked me not to block him anywhere - like he would like still to check what I am doing, when I am online on dating apps, I dont know - it seemed like that.
He has sent a lot of mixed signals. He used to get jealous, and one night after drinking, he told me he loves me, next time after drinking he was finally ready to be 'only for me.' But the next morning, he took it back, saying he only said it to make me happy and that he still needs time.
I am 27, and this is my first real experience with love. He is almost 25 and carries a lot of baggage from his past two relationships, both of which ended sadly for him. I know I should move on, but it's really hard right now. Because he initiated so much of our connection and kept giving me hope, a part of me is still waiting for him to decide. Will he reach out again when he figures things out?
I know he probably didn't do this maliciously, and maybe I am making excuses for him. I look at my own feelings—after dating for just two months, I know I won't be able to see anyone else for at least a month. He is also an expat and is very lonely here, with only a few friends in different towns. Sometimes I wonder if he used those casual hookups to drown out his feelings, but I don't know. Maybe I excuse him too much. Still, I actually appreciate that he found the strength to end it—at least for now—because I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. He is still online on some platforms looking for people for fun or just to write with them

OP posts:
WallyHilloughby · 14/03/2026 15:50

It’s horrible but at least he’s been honest.
nothing worse than being told they are only interested in you and want to be exclusive and them shagging anything else with a pulse

dontforgettofloss · 14/03/2026 15:51

I’d send him one last message- I’m not putting up with your bullshit anymore. Then block him, he’s a waste of time and space

pinkdelight · 14/03/2026 15:51

It's not really mixed signals. It's loud and clear that he doesn't want what you want. He wants to screw around while keeping you dangling. He won't change and the heartbreak stories are just excuses to do what he wants and have you not make a fuss. Block him and don't look back.

summitfever · 14/03/2026 17:35

There’s no mixed signals here op, he’s literally telling you who he is in plain English words and you’re trying to translate it into a language that says he gives a shit. He doesn’t. He wants you on a string as a sure booty call if he can’t get anyone else when he’s horny. I’m sorry to be blunt but it’s how he is. That is no reflection on you and you can find someone that genuinely wants a proper relationship. Don’t go on the apps to make him jealous and don’t go on them until you don’t feel you want to as you’re not ready to date if you feel like that

xino · 14/03/2026 17:49

Please block him. Trust me, to not do so will bring you further heartache. Take the reins of your life.

MaggiesShadow · 14/03/2026 17:53

You know, men who treat women like this do it because they can. Because they get away with it. Because they find ways to manipulate women into thinking a breadcrumb of attention is a gourmet feast.

I do not for one second believe that ANY man is worth being treated this way for.

He's spelling out to you that he wants to keep you around to be used. Dress it up however you want, but that's what this is. Now, that would be fine if you were both on the same page but you're clearly not.

You're not a victim of this piece of work if you know exactly what he's doing. You're a volunteer.

You need to find out where your self-worth went and get it back. Delete, block, move on. I promise you he is not giving you even a fraction of the head space that you're giving him.

Original poster
Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 18:06

Thank you for your support. It is really hard to come by, for me these 2 months were so intense and felt like year, I have never been felt loved like that before, never been in relationship before too - from my side this was relationship. If he really loved, me my friends say that he will comparise everyone from right now to me and might change, who knows. If I were on your place guys I would probably say the same to move on and block him but this is very hard. The worst thing is knowing that he could have person who would love him very much but instead of that he is going into fun and hugging with randoms now. Very very dissapointing, I would die to find someone like me who removed any dating apps after 2 weeks and focus on us

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 14/03/2026 18:37

But he doesn’t want that. He wants to screw around indefinitely. Talking of love and imagining he’ll change is crazy. It’s only been two months. If you stick around for more upset, after it’s clear as day that he doesn’t want to be exclusive, then as a PP said you’re volunteering to be used. When you look back you’ll see, this was always a hook up for him. He didn’t really catch feelings, only you did. He’s playing you for a fool.

category12 · 14/03/2026 18:44

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 18:06

Thank you for your support. It is really hard to come by, for me these 2 months were so intense and felt like year, I have never been felt loved like that before, never been in relationship before too - from my side this was relationship. If he really loved, me my friends say that he will comparise everyone from right now to me and might change, who knows. If I were on your place guys I would probably say the same to move on and block him but this is very hard. The worst thing is knowing that he could have person who would love him very much but instead of that he is going into fun and hugging with randoms now. Very very dissapointing, I would die to find someone like me who removed any dating apps after 2 weeks and focus on us

Edited

Lovebombing.

He wanted you hooked and to enjoy all the warm fuzzy feelings, it's a huge ego boost.

But if he was for real, he wouldn't have been chasing other women as well. He's 100% saying & doing exactly the same with them. You're not special to him.

Original poster
Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 18:55

I don't know, everything seemed so real :/

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 14/03/2026 19:04

Maybe I excuse him too much

I think you do.

He is not ready and wants to be free. Let him. You deserve better.

GinaandGin · 14/03/2026 19:06

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 13:27

So should I get back to all social dates sites or not? To show him that I am not an option anymore?

Just leave it
Block, delete and move on
He isn't going to suddenly have a 180 because he sees you on an app
Just because 'you showed him'
He won't care
He just likes stringing you along
Work on your self esteem

Hatty65 · 14/03/2026 19:10

Block him and move on. He wants to sleep around and he's fed you all the lines to keep you hanging on, but has been honest about the fact that he's not going to stop seeing other women.

He won't be back, unless you are prepared to continue to let him sleep around whilst giving you the occasional shag.

Please have a bit more dignity and just block him. You'll find someone better. He is not for you.

Kettless · 14/03/2026 19:14

OP, you are being played.
Block him and work on your very low esteem and self respect or this is all you are ever going to be for a man, a convenient shag.
He couldn't be any clearer.
Read, Women who love too much. By Robin Norwood.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk too.

You have a life time of grief ahead of you if you allow yourself to be used like this.

pinkdelight · 14/03/2026 19:26

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 18:55

I don't know, everything seemed so real :/

That’s how it works! But real love is not like that. At all.

Original poster
Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 20:57

Yes, it looked too good, at least got some experience, to be honest quite cruel one for me but maybe that's better, who knows

OP posts:
WaryHiker · 15/03/2026 00:02

"My friends say if he loves but is broken emotionally now and now he thinks that feeling someone is dangerous, he might come back when he feels lose and emptiness and I need to make some ultimates for him."

Your friends are as foolish as you.

Dery · 15/03/2026 00:19

When my mum, my sister and i were all single and dating in the late 1990s, we learned never to make excuses for men who weren’t turning up.

Do NOT believe psychobabble about him having a broken heart and being too scared to love again. Women do themselves no favours at all by inventing reasons to justify a man’s unreliability. Most of us have suffered some romantic disappointments in our lives. Most of us have caused soneone else’s romantic disappointment. Most of us still go on to find love.

There are basically only 2 reasons why men don’t turn up. Either they’re just not that into you. Or they’re not available. In neither case are they any use to you. Block this guy. Get busy and interested in other things. Your future self will thank you.

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/03/2026 08:29

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 18:55

I don't know, everything seemed so real :/

That’s exactly how love bombing works

Bibi12 · 15/03/2026 09:56

Pejdzonk · 14/03/2026 18:06

Thank you for your support. It is really hard to come by, for me these 2 months were so intense and felt like year, I have never been felt loved like that before, never been in relationship before too - from my side this was relationship. If he really loved, me my friends say that he will comparise everyone from right now to me and might change, who knows. If I were on your place guys I would probably say the same to move on and block him but this is very hard. The worst thing is knowing that he could have person who would love him very much but instead of that he is going into fun and hugging with randoms now. Very very dissapointing, I would die to find someone like me who removed any dating apps after 2 weeks and focus on us

Edited

This is very unhealthy way of thinking that will make you extremely vulnerable to toxic relationships. I say it kindly- you need therapy. You shouldn't be in any serious relationship right now before you rebuild your self esteem and work on healthy boundaries. This is a car wreck waiting to happen.

MrsColinRobinson · 15/03/2026 10:10

Bibi12 · 15/03/2026 09:56

This is very unhealthy way of thinking that will make you extremely vulnerable to toxic relationships. I say it kindly- you need therapy. You shouldn't be in any serious relationship right now before you rebuild your self esteem and work on healthy boundaries. This is a car wreck waiting to happen.

Show quote history

This is really wise and OP you really need to take it in.

And stop asking your friends advice because what they're telling you is total rubbish. I'm sure they mean to be kind but it's actually cruel to mislead you into thinking he's suddenly going to magically transform into a genuinely nice guy who's able to give you the relationship you want.

Twobigbabies · 15/03/2026 10:28

He's a 24 year old player. Please trust me on this as I've met many of these types in my life. You have zero chance of a relationship here. He might be ready for one in 10-30 years but please don't waste your time waiting! Look for someone kind and caring who is genuinely interested in a monogamous relationship with you. I promise he is out there but you wont find him if you're mooning over Mr playboy. Block this guy on everything, cry, go out with friends, find hobbies and keep busy. You'll get over him in no time.

Comtesse · 15/03/2026 10:36

WaryHiker · 15/03/2026 00:02

"My friends say if he loves but is broken emotionally now and now he thinks that feeling someone is dangerous, he might come back when he feels lose and emptiness and I need to make some ultimates for him."

Your friends are as foolish as you.

Completely agree - your friends are not being very sensible here. They are making excuses for this specimen (“emotionally broken” yeah right…..).

Original poster
Pejdzonk · 15/03/2026 12:17

Yes, I know I need to get over him, it is said hat he added new pictures on dating and sex apps, updated status he is on prep now. Very dissapointing that I still love him and it is really not easy to forget, I know I should delete him and block but cannot now

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 15/03/2026 12:50

OP, I hate to be blunt but he’s just not that into you, if he wanted to he would, ect ect

have some self respect and look for a partner who adores you.