Hook-up turned serious, but he will not be exclusive and pulled back

[Pejdzonk]

We originally met for a hookup, but it turned into something deeper and we both caught feelings. However, he recently decided to step back. He asked me not to block him because he isn't sure if he wants a relationship right now. He got out of a long-term relationship just 3–4 months ago (about a month before meeting me) where he was cheated on, and he says he’s still hurting from that.
For the past two months, we spent a lot of time together. He initiated about 90% of the contact—texting me every day until 2 AM, asking to meet up every few days, being very affectionate, and making me feel like he wanted a real relationship. He told me he really loved me and enjoyed spending time with me.
The problem is, I found out he was still hooking up with other people 'just for fun' in the background. He claimed that what we had was much deeper, but when I asked him to stop seeing others, he resisted. He said being exclusive means being in an official relationship, which he isn't ready for but after asking he said he doesnt have clear explanation yet. I kept pushing for exclusivity, and two days ago, while we were hugging, he suddenly said, 'I don't know why we are doing this.' He decided to cut contact but again asked me not to block him anywhere - like he would like still to check what I am doing, when I am online on dating apps, I dont know - it seemed like that.
He has sent a lot of mixed signals. He used to get jealous, and one night after drinking, he told me he loves me, next time after drinking he was finally ready to be 'only for me.' But the next morning, he took it back, saying he only said it to make me happy and that he still needs time.
I am 27, and this is my first real experience with love. He is almost 25 and carries a lot of baggage from his past two relationships, both of which ended sadly for him. I know I should move on, but it's really hard right now. Because he initiated so much of our connection and kept giving me hope, a part of me is still waiting for him to decide. Will he reach out again when he figures things out?
I know he probably didn't do this maliciously, and maybe I am making excuses for him. I look at my own feelings—after dating for just two months, I know I won't be able to see anyone else for at least a month. He is also an expat and is very lonely here, with only a few friends in different towns. Sometimes I wonder if he used those casual hookups to drown out his feelings, but I don't know. Maybe I excuse him too much. Still, I actually appreciate that he found the strength to end it—at least for now—because I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. He is still online on some platforms looking for people for fun or just to write with them

He's a fuckboy. Block him.

Lol, he's a lying rat. He does not have 'baggage'.

Please hon, Realise that when men are shagging you, they can't then go 'oh I'm not sure how I feel' or 'oh I'm still hurting from last relationships' if that were true they wouldn't be shagging you. Let alone talking about feelings.
It's bs.

Stop letting losers take the piss. 'I'm not sure what I want right now' when you are already sleeping together means - I will never commit to you, I just want to have my cake and eat it. Always.
Come on now, you're twenty seven not seventeen.

Dump, block, raise your standards.

And in future, 'that doesn't work for ME' I something you are allowed to say. You don't have to be beholden to what some fucker about wants you to do.

He's a shagger. Don't do the 'pick me' dance. Tell him to sod off.

Block him

And that should be a red flag because at two months in, its not real. It's still just getting to know eachother to see if there could be something real that could come of it.

Might be worthwhile to read up on how to spot narcissistic abuse. Because this won't be the last narc you come across , especially if you're feeling desperate for love. They can smell that and you need to be able to spot them. And this guy was an obvious one, with bells on. Get studying, protect yourself.

Read up on love bombing, narcissistic mirroring, how to spot players, narcissistic abuse and overt vs covert narcissists.

He’s going to fuck with your mental health. Block him so you can move on and find someone decent for a relationship x

He wants to fuck freely with anyone who will have him while you hang around as his safety net, ready to welcome him back once he's worn his dick down to the groin.

If that sounds good to you then don a wedding gown and go wait by the window.

Me? Id block him and move on.

Put aside all the emotional will he/wont be stuff here, you need to take your physical health seriously with an fuckboy like this.
If he can’t be trusted with your emotional and mental health he DEFINITELY can’t be trusted with your physical health.
With him having multiple partners you increase your chances of contracting non curable STDs.
I caught Herpes from a man like this, and now have to disclose to each and every potential partner which you can imagine is mortifying.
Wake up and prioritise yourself.

Something I didn't learn until I was quite a bit older than you are now.... if a man really likes you, he leaves you in no doubt. There are no mixed messages. No analysing what he really meant by something. No messing you around. No playing games.

When someone really likes you and wants to be with you, that's how they act - 100% of the time.

This man isn't exclusive with you and doesn't want to be. Which means he doesn't love you.

It isn't up to him whether you block him. If you have any self-respect you will block him, ignore him, move on. And I don't mean to more dating. I mean move on. Be single a while. Enjoy life without trying to find a man. There is SO much more to life than having a man.

If a man wants you, you know.

None of this 'but what about'

He is having sex with other women, while having sex with you. He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you.

Sorry to be blunt, but you could be any woman.

OP this man is having a great time messing you about. He knows what you want yet tells you that he is not ready, is pulling away then love bombing you till the middle of the night, and at the same time he is doing this is making sure you do not have a life outside of him. That is so selfish, and he knows this.

The thing is you have much more power than you feel you have at the moment, dont get lost in his needs and what he is saying, they are constructed so that you are completely lost on what to do next. You are free to do what ever you want, and this is so abusive. If you continue catering to his needs and abandoning your own, you will miss out on someone who will want life with you. Don´t do that, you are worth so much more than he is willing to give you. And I know he is dangling a carrot telling you not now but maybe later because he needs xyz, it will never lead to anything but heartache and furhter emotional abuse. Set him free and dont engage further with him. Treat yourself better and dont abandon yourself for the needs of this man.

OP this man is having a great time messing you about. He knows what you want yet tells you that he is not ready, is pulling away then love bombing you till the middle of the night, and at the same time he is doing this is making sure you do not have a life outside of him. That is so selfish, and he knows this.

The thing is you have much more power than you feel you have at the moment, dont get lost in his needs and what he is saying, they are constructed so that you are completely lost on what to do next. You are free to do what ever you want, and this is so abusive. If you continue catering to his needs and abandoning your own, you will miss out on someone who will want life with you. Don´t do that, you are worth so much more than he is willing to give you. And I know he is dangling a carrot telling you not now but maybe later because he needs xyz, it will never lead to anything but heartache and furhter emotional abuse. Set him free and dont engage further with him. Treat yourself better and dont abandon yourself for the needs of this man.

Thank you for your all support. I know that I might sound delusional sometimes, I am slowly getting over it (right now for example I feel more anger than saddness). This was my first ,,something more" at 27 and I know you wanted to help, you are the best guys :)

Sack this man off. You are so much better than this.

This. He is playing you, pretending he was cheated on to make you excuse his hot and cold behaviour.

He is trying to control you, telling you not to block him so he has you dangling owhile he sees other people.

Grow your self respect. Stop using childish phrases like 'caught feelings' as though genuine emotional depth is some sort of virus. Block him and move on to a man who is mature enough to pursue a real relationship.

I understand, but do people like that finally change in the future? That they finally understand they cannot have cake and eat cake - just asking aside his case.

He might have been dumped and hurt by a previous GF, and he’s on (what they used to call) the rebound.

But, he’ll never make you happy. He’s not that into you. His past problems aren’t yours.

So, block him.

Forget boyfriends for a while, and just enjoy life. You’ll soon get over it.

He might or he might not. I wouldn’t wait around to find out. You could but it would mean nothing but pain and possibly an STI.

Its really bad that he loved bombed you making you feel like you mattered and then just suddenly being like this. It's horrible its happened to me. And it'll be hard to forget about it and it really is for s long time but get to know people first. It's like he can't commit to anything You deserve to be thought about more

This will help you to hear what he is truly saying:

A lion isn't a deer. So no, they don't change.

They might become nastier and more resentful when the well of women eventually dry up but they don't become good human beings. They might pretend to settle. But they will alwys be looking for something else. And they'll make sure you know it.

Also, think about what you are asking here. You're asking if a shit, who treats women like shit will ever not be. Why would that matter? Surely you can see that he is a shit now and not worth investing time into.

A predator is always a predator.
And a shit in a box is always just a shit in a box, no matter how shiny the wrapping paper.

Also he very clearly can have his cake and eat it.

That might change a little, perhaps when his looks fade. But not necessarily, if he's manipulative enough.

Why would he change? He clearly doesn't care about women's feelings and doesn't respect them. At best. At worst he gets a kick out of upsetting them.

And his current behaviour is him sex on tap with no commitments.

He's keeping you on the hook. He wants you as an option without a commitment. That's not love. He wants to pick up up and drop you as and when his bits twitch with no regard fir your feelings. Oh course he talks a good talk but actions speak louder than words. His behaviour is telling you everything you need to know.

They might change, they might not. If you’re asking about this man it’s pointless really.