Yep, me. My STBX husband left me ten years ago in January and I have had nothing but the occasional fling since then. It was a traumatic, abusive marriage for which I changed my whole life, as he is foreign and we just haaaaad to move 3,000 miles away to another continent, his home country.
The peace I have now is worth its weight in gold. No man going around like a bear with a sore head, no one deciding not to speak to me for days or weeks for no reason at all, no one weaponising sex, no one endlessly criticising me, no one putting a laser-focus on me when not ignoring me, no one shouting and screaming for no reason. My dad was similar. I will never, ever, ever put my welfare in someone else’s hands again, which you absolutely do when you marry, or cohabit with, someone. Moody, critical, ill-tempered men have pretty much ruined my entire life so far, but I’m free now, as of a year or so ago. (Long story.) The only way I can guarantee peace is to live alone. People just SUCK. But you don’t know it until they think they have you trapped.
I have found great peace in living alone and I have had some truly wonderful flings. But being permanently single is not perfect. It can be lonely sometimes. Yes, sometimes I wish there was someone else here to talk to. But loneliness is fairly easily remedied, and chatting in the internet, like here, helps. A bit of loneliness is, for me, an extremely small price to pay compared to the domestic situations I grew up in and married into.
Another thing that’s not great is being ill alone. I’m currently away in a hotel and have had a horrible cold and fever. I know it’s only a cold but I felt really awful, and it was a bit scary. I might not have felt that way if I had been alone in my own home, though.
Also, I need a routine cancer screening test, but it requires someone to pick me up from the hospital bc of the sedation. My parents are dead, my other family lives abroad, and I HATE asking friends for such a favour. I might just have to pay handsomely for some kind of service to pick me up.
The thing I am most scared of being on my own is if I ever get cancer and have to do chemo alone. However, people do manage this, and if you don’t have anyone at home, you just stay in hospital longer if you need cancer surgery. Being scared of being alone during illness is no reason to be in a relationship!!! Some relationships make such times harder, anyway.
Now for the good: Did I mention the sheer peace? I can do whatever I want without anyone else watching me or judging me. I can wake up when I want, eat what I want, make good choices or bad choices, I’m free to have sex with whoever takes my fancy (assuming they want it too)!! I can buy what I want, save on what I want, just live however I damn well please, and did I mention the peace?
Like a lot of women who have spent too many years with very difficult men, my peace has been very hard-won, and I’m never giving it up.
The idea of a committed relationship bores me these days. A huge change for me: I was such a romantic before my exH got hold of me. Ultimately, a bad relationship, like my former marriage, is all the bad things - but it’s also extremely boring. You never get to the good stuff, or at least not often enough, because you’re too busy wrangling all the bad stuff. I’ve never had a relationship that hasn’t taken away as much as it’s given. They are simply NOT worth it. I’m of an age where I’m just about post-menopause, and I have prediabetes etc. My health can’t take the stress of relationships. I can’t think of any way to make relationship stress stop except not to have one. I do have an amazing FWB and our physical connection is incredible, plus he’s actually a friend too, so knowing him helps a lot.