Call him out or go ghost?

[BootsandCatss]

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months, but recently I’m noticing red flags, obviously I’m not going to pursue anything further with him, but should I call him out on this behaviour? If so what would I say? Or do I just walk away and say nothing?

Red flags I’ve noticed are the nights I’m childfree(which is rare) and if he can’t join me he’ll go in a mood because I must be spending them with someone else. Then the other day I updated my WhatsApp picture, which only family and friends can see, not very many people have my number for various reasons, he started accusing me of updating it for attention from other men, started an argument which led to him telling me he has an issue with what I wear, because I wear “revealing clothes” and he’s not ok with it. For the last 2 days I’ve taken a step back and he keeps pushing for an argument I have tried to talk to him calmly and told him to come to me respectfully with any issues he’s got and all I get is “what’s the point” but then he carries on with digs to get a reaction.

Me, I am walking away and saying nothing.

I literally couldn't be arsed with the hassle with a bellend who won't take on board anything I said anyway if I did call him out on his behaviour.

He is hardly likely to say 'oh thanks, I didn't realise I was being such a twat' and then suddenly change his ways.

Dump, Block, Move on. End of.

Oof. Did someone wish upon a falling star and wished for that page of "INSECURITIES" to come to life from the dictionary? I don't throw that word around often, it's being used way too often for everything nowadays, but by the sound of it, @BootsandCatss , your suitor certainly earned it.
You can call him out out of courtesy, and hopefully it will make him think - chances are it will not, though. But if you don't, it matters little. I don't believe in ghosting, I think everyone deserves a mature line, but he is a insecure caveman, so I don't know if words would mean anything in his case.

Pretty much this, verbatim

Save your breath

Hmmmmm , wonder why he’s single ?

I’m absolutely not expecting him to change which is why I’m not taking it any further, but I do think ghosting is shit unless absolutely necessary, I’m not sure if this warrants the absolute necessary.

A simple "sorry but this relationship is not working for me anymore. Life is too short to be dealing with your jealousy issues and petulant behaviour. Please do not attempt to contact me again"

To the point, short, simple. Doesn't invite a conversation. I like it.

I’d just block.

Yep short and sweet - let him know it’s his behaviour but that it’s a non negotiable and you don’t want to continue anything

Did you reply with AI? how bizarre

I'd block him and move on OP. He sounds nasty and unstable. Calling him out won't achieve anything except perhaps trouble.

I’d rip him a new arse then block

I wouldn't necessarily ghost but he doesn't deserve anymore of your time and energy, and certainly no explanations. Maybe something like:

"This relationship isn't working for me, and it seems it's not working for you either. I wish you well in your life."

And then block.

But does he have the capacity to come to your door or work or try to talk to you in the street - ie he knows where you live, work, shop etc? If so, you might need to keep an eye on his messages, to make sure he's not going to escalate. Jealous men are dangerous.

This.

It doesn't invite discussion, but, in the very unlikely event he ever does start to self reflect, you've given him some starting points.

Who does that? I guess I'm just bizarre. I am very much too oldschool for AI, especially using it for an anonymous message board

This. Neither ghosting nor ‘having it out’. Dump him, be clear about it, then block if necessary (or if you just fancy it, tbh).

id send a text telling calmly and clearly briefly what the issue is and I’d not block in case he threatened you but tell him he is blocked and you want no contact

Honestly, I'd tell him to fuck off and never contact me again 🙄 do women really put up with this sort of shit from men? Get a bloody grip and get rid of him!

I think I agree with pp, tell him firmly it's over, just incase he escalates and tries to say you never told him it was finished. Keep any/all texts he may send, too. Keep safe.

That’s perfect.. I do think I’ll have to block him as the messages have been constant since I backed off (I archived the conversation so didn’t see them all to start with) .

Not sure why I’ve been told to get a grip, I made it pretty clear in the post that I’m not continuing anything with him..

Tell him in a short, direct message that it's over and explain your reasons. Then once you can see he's read the message, block before he has time to start a back and forth with you. I wouldn't just ghost because then you risk him turning up at your work or home demanding answers and he'll be confused if he doesn't think he's done anything wrong, which means the situation is dragged out longer. Some people need it spelling out to them directly.

Yeah, it's not "insecurity", it's controlling assholery.

Don't give him any hints about how to cover his behaviour better, just ditch.

I’d just ditch him and say nothing about why. His red flags are very obvious and the last thing you want is for him to realise they’re red flags and try and conceal them from others. Let him carry on waving the red flags to future partner I say.

Dating advice I've seen recently advises the following: "eww, that's such a turn off. I can't see you again, I've got the ick now." (Or similar). Because men will only change their behaviour if they realise it stops them from getting sex. A message like that might get them to reflect on their behaviour.

Personally, I'd just block.

Essentially he's a controlling, insecure arsehole. I think I'd say 'I am my own person, I will not tolerate someone trying to control what I do/who I see and what I wear. We are not compatible and I won't be taking our relationship any further. Please don't contact me again'.

Block on all platforms. Hopefully he doesn't know where you live and work.