Call him out or go ghost?

[BootsandCatss]

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months, but recently I’m noticing red flags, obviously I’m not going to pursue anything further with him, but should I call him out on this behaviour? If so what would I say? Or do I just walk away and say nothing?

Red flags I’ve noticed are the nights I’m childfree(which is rare) and if he can’t join me he’ll go in a mood because I must be spending them with someone else. Then the other day I updated my WhatsApp picture, which only family and friends can see, not very many people have my number for various reasons, he started accusing me of updating it for attention from other men, started an argument which led to him telling me he has an issue with what I wear, because I wear “revealing clothes” and he’s not ok with it. For the last 2 days I’ve taken a step back and he keeps pushing for an argument I have tried to talk to him calmly and told him to come to me respectfully with any issues he’s got and all I get is “what’s the point” but then he carries on with digs to get a reaction.

He's very controlling and likely to turn abusive. Do not break up in person.

Do not call him out. It's not safe and you're wasting your time. Block and watch your back.

What ??

I wouldn't even go that far, "Sorry this isn't working, please don't contact me again. Bye" would be my line. Then if he asks for clarification before you put the phone down "We want different things" but I wouldn't explain further, if you get into accusations of jealousy etc, you open the way for him to argue about it

Just say it’s not working out. Why can’t people just say those wires and be done with it rather than ghosting someone?

Because he's a controlling asshole and she has kids. He's basically accusing her of cheating and trying to tell her what to wear after a few months. Big red flags for abuse and she doesn't owe this asshole anything.

Ok, it was not that funny, but does it really need a translation?
I meant to say that i avoid using the word 'insecurity' as much as I can, however, in this case, this guy definitely deserves it, as his behaviour is the living embodiment of insecurities. And then I meant to express that I consider ghosting to be a very immature way of ending a relationship, but in this case, it would be understandable, due to the limited mental abilities of the guy.
Better?

Yes, just move on - don't give him the chance to mistreat you, which is what men like him do if challenged in my experience, they can't be trusted. Block him and walk away, no explanation required..

I’ve opened my messages to tell him it’s over only to find a message from him saying the only reason I’ve pulled back over the last 2 days is because I’m with a new man, I’m really really struggling to hold back from exploding on him but I’ve told him we’re done, which will probably feed into this “other man” thing in his head but that’s his problem now. He’s blocked, hopefully that will be the end of it🤞🏻

To me this isn’t about his feelings. I think you need to be clear with him (you do t have to tell him why) because I’d be worried a guy like that won’t take the hint. I would tell him and the 100% block.

This ^^
Life is too short. Just get it done, block him and move on.
He’s an absolute insecure controlling bell-end.

Well done, he sounds very annoying but also a bit scary.

Did you send a message similar to Chamonixmountainbum’s suggestion? He sounds like a bit of a nutter. Here’s hoping that you meet someone normal next time!

Well done. Good riddance to the twat.

This sounds as if it’s veering towards controlling behaviour. Huge Red Flag!

Eh 😂 put the wine down 😂😂

I really hope he leaves you alone, he sounds utterly unhinged

I applaud you for not tolerating this guys nonsense! He's a giant red flag. He sounds like he has zero self awareness so I'd just block and delete.

Well done @BootsandCatss… he sounds like hard work!

It's interesting that he thinks that the fact that you don’t want to see him is because you’re seeing another man….it’s nothing to do with him being an absolute dick. In his mind it’s not his fault!!!
Tell him that you’ve run for the hills and wish him good luck in finding a new partner.

The worst of this is the fear of how men like this may react when you break things off with them.
There really is no right way and anyone who behaves like this is owed nothing so get out of it anyway you can and be careful of your safety as top priority.

I had to stop a budding relationship (on his side, there was never any such intention from me) recently and because of things he had said which scared me I found myself walking on eggshells not to dent his ego when I extracted myself.

It makes me wary of even talking to men these days. It only seems to take a bit of normal friendliness and they think they own you.

Hope all goes well OP.

Lucky escape there OP.

@GingercarI bluntly told him this relationship isn’t working, I didn’t want to carry it on and to not contact me again.

I know I’ve made the right decision with how much relief I’ve felt today.

You're not going to change him so little point in explaining it, but you do need to do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe. As a PP said, jealous men can be dangerous. If he knows where you live/work etc. I actually would say something to end it (not in person) but keep it minimal, yet firm. He's already shown classic signs of controlling and coercive behaviour so be really careful. Any signs of threatening or abusive behaviour and you should speak to the Police just to get it logged (of not an offence) and ask for a Place of Interest Marker to be placed on your home addres because you may be at risk of domestic abuse. It just means that if Police are called to your address it will flag that there may be a background issue.

It may not make a difference, but at least telling him you’re ending it rather than ghosting him, might make him accept it rather than (as delusional men sometimes do) thinking your phone must be broken etc etc and stopping at nothing to try and contact you. I’d send him a text telling him exactly why you’re ending it (you never know, there’s a very slim chance it might make him consider his behaviour), tell him you don’t want anymore contact then block him

I’m always up for providing feedback, and then block the person if they’re likely to give you grief. It will make them reflect, especially if previous partners have said similar.

I’d go with: “I find you too insecure and unfortunately, that’s put me off.” That’s all you need to say. Block and move on.