Worried about never becoming a parent or having a family of my own

[LemonFatball]

As a 28 year old man who doesnt have any luck with dating I sometimes worry that I'll be in my 40s still with no family of my own and it seems to be the hardest thing in the world finding a woman who likes you enough to where she'll want to start a family with you. Growing up I never learned on how to talk to girls and im also mildly autistic, lookswise im tall and athletic, I do try my hardest to take care of my appearance as its important, Im educated with a job that pays pretty decent money and im also paying a mortgage for a house which would make a great family home but at times I just think there is no point in getting a mortgage if I dont have kids.

Dating apps are despressing and the more time goes on I feel like my chances are getting even slimmer. I just want to be a father and I know that id put in 100 percent effort if a woman out there decided to start a family with me.

And its not just kids but its actually just having the company of a woman who likes you and is attracted to you. Coming home after work and actually having someone who wants to share thier life with you, I never experienced what its like having a GF who likes your company and thats the truth

At times I dont see the point in living if I dont have a family to look after, I have no other motivations really in fact the reason why I got a mortgage and focus on my career was all because I was hoping to find someone who will want a family someday.

Honestly at times I think its easier to become a millionare than to get a GF who wants marriage and a few children. At 28 I feel like time is starting to tick because many women my age are taken and at work all the time my work colleges talk about thier relationships and going for baby scans with thier partners or getting ready to be fathers.

Well it might be easier if you were a millionaire…. So go for that and see what happens on the relationship front as a result!

You sound great. I know 28 feels old when you’re single but I promise you from the other side that it isn’t. Keep working at meeting new people with shared interests, you’ll find your match.

Why don't you fill your spare time with opportunities to meet a wide range of people. Various clubs, sports, a bit of volunteering, join a quiz team, do a course in a subject that interests you. That way you'll meet a variety of people with whom you have shared interests, broaden your social circle and practice your conversational skills all in one fell swoop.

Form friendships and something will come of that I'm sure. Concentrate on enjoying life not finding someone.

You're a total catch. Women in their 20's are often looking for different things than you're offering. In their 30's, things often change. I would have run a mile from a guy who seemed hellbent on settling down when I was in my 20's. By around 31 though, I had matured and was ready to think about the future and what I really wanted in a partner.
It's probably just a waiting game for you. Good luck!

We became parents at 33. I think I would have been wary of a man aged 28 who was desperate to have DC. You are running the risk of coming across as someone who would treat a future wife as an incubator. You should be aiming to build a strong relationship not rush straight into having DC.

Focus for now on joining groups/clubs and meeting a range of people. I’m sure you’ll have no problem attracting a partner in the future.

You are still so young even if you don’t feel it. My DH became a father for the first time in his early 40s. Time doesn’t run out for having a family for a man in the same way as it does for women.

Can you elaborate? Very interested...

Yeah and my life might be easier if I looked like Michelle Keegan.

@Maray1967 but I dont know why people are saying that im young because I dont want to be having my first child past 35, I also would like 3-4 kids as well and I do want marriage someday.

@Grammarninja I dont know why people think you should wait until your 30s cause I think its best to have kids as early as possible, I also want at least 3 children and I dont want to be running after little ones in my 40s lol

But it's not just all about what you want. Pregnancy and having children impacts the woman more than the man. I can totally understand why a woman would want to put that off in favour of living her life for her 20s.

@Grammarninja true but then at the same time the science tells us that its best for women to have kids in thier 20s than wait for thier 30s. So if your a woman who is serious about wanting kids and you want a few kids then you should start trying in your 20s.

Also birth rates are down in the west so more people should be having kids

Yeah, after about 3 posts in it became glaringly obvious why you don’t have a girlfriend or wife.

I suggest you take up religion if you want to find a woman who shares your views. Probably doesn't matter which one.

It depends what kind of woman you want I suppose.

You put in your OP that you are good looking, athletic, and you earn a decent amount of money. If that's what your dating profile says I wouldn't touch you with a bargepole.

I married DH because he is kind, reliable, trustworthy, never gets in a bad mood, never raises his voice or is disrespectful, always puts me first, shares my life outlook. I am all these things too, so we are a good match. What he earns and what he looks like are not particularly relevant.

If you want an attractive, athletic, wealthy wife who doesn't think that character is that important, keep doing what you are doing. But if you want a genuine equal relationship with a person with a similar level of decency to you, I suggest you change what you think is important about yourself, and about the woman you are looking for.

That didn't take long did it?

Women don't owe you anything. Bore off.

@Moshalot well im not looking for a supermodel by any means but I just want a woman who is similar to me (i.e has no kids but wants some, takes care of her health, good hygine, doesnt do drugs, isnt vegan etc)

But to say looks/physical attraction doesnt matter is silly, if it really didnt matter then we would all be bisexual and date based off personalities.

In fact its kind of a turn off for me if a woman isnt visual or into my looks, I want the woman im with to be physically attracted to me and my body

Your "build-an-AI-wife" thinking is going to keep you single. Women are humans, not receptacles for men's wishes.

But you are completely missing the point. Physical attraction can start with or without the person being "physically attractive". But what maintains attraction is character. It's difficult to be physically attracted long-term to someone selfish and nasty, once you know they are selfish and nasty.

For me, DH's kindness and amazing character makes me physically attracted to him. It wouldn't matter if he had a missing eye and only two bottom teeth, I would still fancy him.

Looks fade and bodies sag. You need to find a woman whose character is right for you (and yours for her) because that is the only kind of relationship you should bring children into.

Yeah, I think we all know now why you’re still single.

Your attitude towards women is not nice at all. We're all just incubators to you, there to provide children and company. Unfortunately for you, it sounds like most women around you can see through that (thankfully for them).

And this has been the case every thread this OP has started.

Seems women are reading him entirely correctly and avoiding.

OP make some friends, get out in the world, stop engaging with misogyny online, treat women as human beings capable of independent thought, feelings, and desires. And stop whining to the online mummies when you are clearly not willing to take advice.

"Never learnt how to talk to girls" - do you see women as actual people, or just baby makers?

But this isn't about just science. Every woman knows that she's more fertile in her 20s but that's not enough of a reason to give up her life. Once you have kids, your focus is them. Speaking from experience, a mum will never have a proper night's sleep again. Her happiness will depend on how happy her children are. Every decision she'll make will have her kids as a priority. And her body will be forever changed.
It's like you pass the carefree, happy baton on to your kids and you bury a part of you. I'm sure you can see why women are reluctant to do this in their 20s. We're not just animals. We're sentient beings with emotions, ambitions and drive. Our biological clock isn't our only motivator.

@Grammarninja but then from a biological perspective humans/animals are designed to procreate and pass on thier genes, all other motivations like money or career are actually man made or social constructs humans have made up.