Worried about never becoming a parent or having a family of my own

[LemonFatball]

As a 28 year old man who doesnt have any luck with dating I sometimes worry that I'll be in my 40s still with no family of my own and it seems to be the hardest thing in the world finding a woman who likes you enough to where she'll want to start a family with you. Growing up I never learned on how to talk to girls and im also mildly autistic, lookswise im tall and athletic, I do try my hardest to take care of my appearance as its important, Im educated with a job that pays pretty decent money and im also paying a mortgage for a house which would make a great family home but at times I just think there is no point in getting a mortgage if I dont have kids.

Dating apps are despressing and the more time goes on I feel like my chances are getting even slimmer. I just want to be a father and I know that id put in 100 percent effort if a woman out there decided to start a family with me.

And its not just kids but its actually just having the company of a woman who likes you and is attracted to you. Coming home after work and actually having someone who wants to share thier life with you, I never experienced what its like having a GF who likes your company and thats the truth

At times I dont see the point in living if I dont have a family to look after, I have no other motivations really in fact the reason why I got a mortgage and focus on my career was all because I was hoping to find someone who will want a family someday.

Honestly at times I think its easier to become a millionare than to get a GF who wants marriage and a few children. At 28 I feel like time is starting to tick because many women my age are taken and at work all the time my work colleges talk about thier relationships and going for baby scans with thier partners or getting ready to be fathers.

Ok so to be very direct, no woman wants a man who sees her primarily as an incubator.

You talk about wanting the company of a woman who finds you attractive and wants to share your life? Well women want that too. You are struggling with theory of mind here. Women who wish to have children when they are younger tend to find a man they fall in love with first and then want to have babies with him. They aren’t looking for a man to be a father they are looking for a lover. How you act as a lover is what indicates you may be a good father, kindness, generosity, able to cook and clean for himself, prioritises her etc.

If you start talking about babies and children from the off most womenwill back away. It will feel like they are not special to you, just that you are interviewing women to be the mother of your child. Bit like surrogacy. That will leave most women cold. Love comes first. Your attitude towards women is more suited to an arranged marriage scenario tbh.

Also india has a replacement TFR (slightly below I believe).

Keep filling your life with everything you enjoy, try some new hobbies, join some groups in things you’re interested in (if you haven’t already.
28 feels old but there is plenty of time still. It’s the most annoying thing to hear, but most people I knew met their partner when they stopped focusing on it, and just focused on making their life rich and full of things that brings them joy.
You sound like a great guy, find the positives of being single and hopefully before you know it you won’t be!

OP, im 28. And I known so many people in your shoes. My best friend hasn't ever had a relationship and she feels same as you. My brother is few years younger and again feels like you. I know 2 others who haven't ever been in relationships.

I feel for you. Online dating is brutal. What I recommend is speed dating. Slug and lettuce hold a few nights a month I believe. But agree with other posters. Join different clubs and events. Not necessarily going out drinking etc. But for example, rock climbing is good fun and has good crowds. I met loads of people learning to ice skate through their learn to skate programme.

You will get there just give it time and continue investing in yourself

Well, yes, but also listen and take on board the comments you are getting. If you are to have a successful long-term relationship, you will need to listen to your partner and (challenging idea here!) change your mind and compromise where necessary.

OP please create a life that you enjoy and find interests that fulfil you.

That will make both you and your life more interesting.

Get out and do things that matter to you. Try everything.

Can’t think why women aren’t flocking to be with this semi-literate, breeding-obsessed fascist

If you genuinely love kids and feel you would be a great dad, why not look into fostering or adoption? Single people are welcomed if they are good prospective parents and there are plenty of children already in the world in need of a family.

Nobody needs to feel they have a "duty" to breed - many of the world's problems such as climate change, limited natural resources, wars being fought over land and oil, jobs lost to AI, housing etc would be ameliorated by there being fewer humans, not more.

You can’t be mildly autistic- you are autistic. I can’t see you having a family with anyone with your attitude towards women. I’m autistic and I know what it’s like to be fixated on an idea, I wanted a family at 28 and I was that focused on it, I made it happen, I’m now a single mum.
Could you cope as a single parent ? having a family isn’t all fairy tales

I'm sorry but I would never decide to have marriage and children with someone who talks about kids in terms of "passing genes ". We decided to be parents because we really wanted to be parents and experience everything that comes with being deeply involved in raising and loving a child.
Parenting can be rewarding but also difficult and exhausting. A child needs two involved parents who will actually prioritise him/her and do a good job.

Also so many men are just bad - they are not equal partners. They devalue you if you're SAHM and use it as a gateway to leave you to do everything so they can relax and play golf (because only they worl hard, and only their job is important, and it'sobviously "his money"), they expect you to do majority of housework, mental load and childcare even if you both work full time. They constantly elevate and prioritise themselves while underapreciate and undermine you. They deflect and get angry instead of listening and making changes. They demand respect while disrespecting you. Then let's not even go into emotional abuse, physical abuse, cheating, addictions, financial control, being prone to extreme views and acting like know it all instead of learning, understanding. And if they happen not to be a bad guy then a woman should be "greatful " because he's "such a good man" for doing basics. In the same time a woman will be hold to impossible standard and it will never be enough.

Yes it sounds extreme and ofcourse not all men are like that, however many women absolutely do experience these things from partners and they even risk poverty and being single mothers in order to escape their toxic marriages. Women know and see other women who are exhausted, burnt out and depressed with no way out.
I would say that if you can understand that many men are shit and try to become opposite of that you will instantly become way more attractive. And if you consistently back it up with your actions a woman will be more likely to feel safe with you and want to marry you.