Help me urgently.... Divorce and being fucked over

[BGP]

Tried to work through things. Didn't work.

Now shitting myself as he has said after 9 years marriage I will get 50k and the kids furniture, he says he has already done stuff to protect himself.

I've not got a penny and my name is not on the deeds to the house, can he have put everything in trust to his kids?

I'm panicking about the land registry stuff and thinking he's properly screwed me, although he is desperate for me NOT to see a solicitor for advice, which I certainly will be regardless.

I'm absolutely shitting myself. What am I supposed to do re house? I can't read the stuff online too busy shaking

Please help me

I have contacted a solicitor and eagerly awaiting a call back. I've spent the evening gathering my thoughts and also examining my finances to make savings wherever possible, reckon I can save about £400 a month over next few months to pay off some of my debt due to a combination of things such as youngest completing GCSEs so no more bus fare and dinner money

e cant just say you will get £50 K

if oyu are married you are entitled to half of the marital assets.

it will be up to a judge to decide what you are entitled to.

I feel like a bloody fish, flipping and flopping. I'm annoying myself because I am tough, brave and decisive, but then I look at what i guess I might get (bottom line) settlement and what I can afford re mortgage with hefty deposit, but I am mid forties and can't have a longer term as somehow he has stolen over a quarter of my life!

I looked this evening at what I can afford in a decent area locally and its so disheartening compared to my life now. He thinks he won't have to sell the house, WTF does a single bloke need a 6 bed house for???

Spoke to Dsis today who properly calmed me down and gave some really good advice, whilst I was on a little walk for my MH and calm needs. Had a long bath and made loads of notes of things to check. I have TONS of info on his finances he hasn't a clue about, but I'm sure there's more he's hiding. Trying to work out what to look for whilst he's out of the house.

Does he pay CM if not his biological child? He has brought her up since baby and did attempt adopting, but denied by biological dad who has never been involved. I still have all the signed paperwork.

Just his. I had bad credit record due to debt relief order after the last shitty man left me with a young daughter and not a penny. I just went from a poor shitty man to a relatively well off shitty man.

I am such a nobhead.

I can totally roll with 'hostile business negotiation'. That is a great way to put things in context sans emotion.

I actually don't feel emotional at all at the moment. Self preservation mode.

I'm going to have to cut off my entire social life apart from one friend, as they're all his mates and the WAGs. I can't trust anyone just now and it feels a pretty lonely place to be, but in all honesty I don't want to see anyone at the moment either. I'm not one for pretending and I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I am a bit worried a year from now all I will have in my life is work and my weekends will be very sad. One thing I will not be doing is dating! I would rather scoop my own eyeballs out than do this shit a third time. Going to have to join an old lady knitting club or something.

I can't knit

ive been trying to knit

im in a very bad place too with my DH

No other woman to my knowledge.

Its me that has issued the last request for divorce because he's an angry ball of rage who expects teenagers to act like adults but then behaves like a teenager himself....think stomping off to his room and chucking his dinner in the bin (that i spent 3 hours making).

It feels like he's asking me to choose between him and my kids, and that's a battle he's not winning. Even if it means I die alone as a crazy old cat lady.

If you want a mate all of mine have just become obsolete!

Crypto is usually extremely hard to trace. How did the forensic find it?

Sure - al my friends left me when I had a breakdown!

Don't panic OP, as others have said you will be fine, because you are married and have been for some time.

Register your interest in the house as advised, but always bear in mind, the good thing about houses is that he cannot hide or move it. It's an immovable asset with a clear value. Furthermore, he does not get to dictate whether it will need to be sold or not, that will all be sorted out as part of the settlement. If it needs to be sold, it will be, by order of the court if necessary.

Finally, as I understand it, the fact that he paid off some of the mortgage with his inheritance means he cannot ring fence that money either, and it is all part of the joint pot to be divided.

I know things feel scary right now, but the law is on your side. It will all work out.

Unfortunately men whom are "savvy" with money can successfully hide it/give it to family to "keep" etc and even barristers will have hands tied. They also tend to "start up businesses".
A decade on from my divorce we're still in privately rented as not left with enough to buy a suitable house.
Do not for one second think that a marriage will always result in a fair split if your husband is financially shrewd enough.
Do you have money in joint accounts?

DM me and I'll give you my number and we can have a chat. Anyone can have a breakdown and if your mates walk, they were never mates.

Mine are quite happily having a lovely time with him and not me, so I guess I'm not so special to them either

oh thanks - you're kind! im in the Uk

Nope, because we have separate DC we always kept separate accounts, so I can only guess what is in his. Nowt in mine but a few moths

We did have a joint savings account which I stopped paying into when i couldn't afford socks. I have made a note to look at this.

I was so proud to be independent and not a 'kept woman' that I got in tons of debt rather than ask him for anything. I'll never forget when I moved high school, the new headmaster said girls didn't need to wear ties. Because he liked them all to look like little mums. And I have rage over that, and rage over getting paid less, and rage over always washing the pants and cooking the dinner despite working a full time really busy job, and rage over all the times the kids were sick and had to come home from school.

The bloody men never go get them. Or take them to the doctor's or dentist. It's fucking 2025, which makes me feel old as god. Why does this shit still happen, every day, in so many homes up and down the country, then women take so much longer to progress at work and earn less?

Its just bloody wrong.

That's probably a rant for another thread but I always knew people would think I was a gold-digger as I come from a poor background, but I educated myself and pulled myself up and I still feel judged in middle age.

I deserve to be where I am, and I deserve a damn sight more than 50k and knackered furniture after 16 years! I honestly can't wait to meet my solicitor. I'm fuming. Why are the better off so entitled that those below are worth nothing and invisible? (Not generalising honestly, just my personal experiences).

I am honestly a good person who tries so hard to please everyone else, I actually forget about myself. I care so deeply. I want to help others, and I do pretty much every day, but my own husband doesn't see me. He doesn't deserve me. I deserve better, even if better is just without him, less stuff and less money. Self esteem has been missing, and self respect was with her when she vanished. This is the rescue mission to find them both, before it's too late.

Sorry you have all been subject to all that, but I have no one else to talk to apart from myself at the moment.

@BGP Do you earn a decent wage? Enough to get out? I did it on a part-time teaching salary and with two young kids so it wasn't easy - he changed the locks to the marital home within hours of me leaving.
Still not easy and I will never own my own home.
But I left 💪

I earn a bloody good wage for a lass from my background, 54k (underpaid and angry about it but that's another story). I have huge outgoings because I didn't ever want to ask for anything and I am in quite a bit of short term debt which is manageable but only just.

I should be able to buy a house post divorce, i hope anyway because rents are insane these days and I definitely can't afford £1200 a month to rent somewhere even just passable where we are. Another couple of years and I could move anywhere but not until DD has done exams and college, after that I can go anywhere as long as I can afford a home. If I pay off credit cards I can afford a mortgage. But all is risky as my job although permanent, isn't secure in the current climate.

If only there was something else to distract me from my woes, like WW3 around the corner..... Bad timing for a divorce. At least I got my hair done, something to be cheerful about.

You are married, you have children, you lived in a house that is owned by him so that is the marital home. It doesn’t matter if things are just in your dh’s sole name or your sole name (like pensions, other properties, businesses, savings and investments, cars, furniture, watches etc) they are all considered as marital assets. The starting point is adding everything up then divide by 2 but that is just the start.

The fact he paid off chunks of the mortgage on the marital home with inheritance money means that part of the inheritance became part of the marital pot.

Not a solicitor but like lottery wins I think that if he had kept the inheritance in a separate account it would have legally been his to keep . But paying off the mortgage on the marital home or buying anything that spouse uses that part of the inheritance turns into marital property

Not too sure he can actually transfer the marital home into someone else’s name, whilst also paying the mortgage, however small.
Deeds would be held by mortgage company and I think the mortgage company would not allow that

I would ask the solicitor to do a deep dive into his finances as it sounds like he is the type to hide stuff
Or he could be like friends exh who proudly showed her all his accounts saying these were in his name not hers and she wouldn’t get a penny. The house was in his name not hers so she would leave with nothing.

She never left the marital home. It is now in her name and he had to transfer her several of these accounts into her name.
(20 years married and adult children)

The problem is solicitors are incredibly expensive, a "deep dive" even more so. Not just as simple as doing this when the OP is already in debt.

Also stop cooking and doing his laundry. You are divorcing. Time for him to start looking out for himself especially as he is throwing stuff you have made in the bin

But this would be paid for out of her share of the marital assets

My Dad and step mum recently split after 20 years and she tried this trick of getting the house signed to her daughter. It’s illegal and the court saw right through it.