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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do with partner who gambles ?

57 replies

inkyspells · 06/03/2026 13:23

I won’t bore you but we have been together 5 years.
Did not realise the extent of his gambling issues till we moved in.
He transfers me the bill money (his half ) and then he spends every last penny on online gambling.
This month he spent £800 in one day.
Lied for a week saying he had money left (he didn’t)
I have a betting account that I only use on a Saturday for Irish lottery but every night I end up having to top up £5 for him or he honestly goes on and on and on.
With the please please
I won’t ask again but then obviously he does.
I try and go a night without topping up but the way he goes on is ridiculous.
He will be moody,not speak,not eat his tea,not help with housework.
I have told him no more.
Im so sick of it
Every month he says he is only going to top up £30 but £800 is the most it’s been in a while.
December was £1000 in two days.

What does he do ?re

OP posts:
Moshalot · 06/03/2026 13:24

Is there any reason you can't just leave/kick him out (depending on whose house it is)?

Squatbox · 06/03/2026 13:26

You leave them?

Janeaway · 06/03/2026 13:26

You split up, that's what you do. My ex was a gambler. You did not cause it, you cannot prevent him doing it.

CheeseWisely · 06/03/2026 13:27

You leave him.

RedToothBrush · 06/03/2026 13:28

You end the relationship.

He loves gambling more than he loves you.

Ohcrap082024 · 06/03/2026 13:30

Walk away before he drags you down with him.

susiedaisy1912 · 06/03/2026 13:31

Leave him. It’s not your burden to bear.

MrsMoastyToasty · 06/03/2026 13:33

Leave him before he gambles away the rent or mortgage money and leaves you homeless.

LinedOverLatte · 06/03/2026 13:38

@inkyspells Please leave/seperate and block.

I bitterly regret not leaving my gambling addict ex sooner. When I first found out, he’d gambled all our savings while I was in hospital having our DC1. O had to borrow money for nappies, literally every penny was gone. He claimed he was sorry and went to Gamblers Anonymous once or twice.

He continued lying and gambling and lying some more. I knew he was up to something and he’d lie to my face repeatedly to the point I felt I was going mad. He took out loans in my name, credit cards, racked up overdrafts all in secret.

When I finally found out after years of the lies and secrecy he’d gambled close to £250k over several years. Yes - a quarter of a million pounds, gone.

It took me about 5 years to clear debt that was in my name and try and re-build my credit score.

Despite loving him the lies, secrecy, denial and unbelievable, shocking, waste of a life-changing amount of money we divorced. If I could change one thing about my life, I’d have left him that first time and not looked back.

Please, please, please leave - he won’t stop, addiction is an illness and takes years to recover from, if they ever do, you can’t cure him, you can’t love him into stopping and he’ll take you down with him.

I am so sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you can leave. I can’t stress enough how powerful addiction is.

Waitingfordoggo · 06/03/2026 13:52

Agree with PPs- leave him (or ask him to leave).

You can’t fix him. He has to want to stop and that won’t happen all the while you’re funding his gambling. I’ve read that gambling is one of the hardest addictions to overcome. I don’t know if that’s true or why that would be the case, but I wouldn’t want to hang around to watch. If he is left to his own devices he’s going to run out of money very quickly, and will end up in debt- none of which has to be your concern.

blackcatlove · 06/03/2026 13:56

Well first off you stop enabling him by giving him money.

Secondly you leave him ffs!

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 06/03/2026 13:57

You accept that this is who he is, live with the lies and the debt, or you leave.

It's up to you.

You can't change him; don't have the hubris to assume you can.

purplecorkheart · 06/03/2026 13:58

You leave. He is an addict and you are enabling him. Do not marry or have children with this man.

LlynTegid · 06/03/2026 14:00

Addicts won't change, or that should be the presumption. Leave.

Lennonjingles · 06/03/2026 14:02

How come the betting sites let him bet this much. My DH has set limits on the betting sites he’s on, £15 each per day.

CaffeinatedSeagull · 06/03/2026 14:25

Does he realise that he has a problem? Is he seeking help? The desire to want to stop has to come from him.

Sit him down, talk to him and give him an ultimatum. Be prepared to walk away from him.

FortyFacedFuckers · 06/03/2026 14:26

Honestly op leave! I know someone who was married to a man like this, he remortgaged the house and had loans and credit cards everywhere including in her name! She was borrowing money off of everyone to buy food etc for them and he was still gambling, he ended up losing his job as he stole from them.

scoobs321 · 06/03/2026 14:27

You must leave, he will drag you down with him, take it from someone who has been there.

Hohofortherobbers · 06/03/2026 14:30

This will not stop, this will be your life unless you leave him. The longer you stay the more you will suffer from his debt. Leave now

Ponderingwindow · 06/03/2026 14:34

You start by not giving him money again.

You need to start saving aggressively. He is going to destroy you financially if you let him. You either need to exit the relationship or be prepared for him to simply stop contributing to his portion of basic living expenses.

Silverbirchleaf · 06/03/2026 14:35

How much is his income? If he’s spending several
hundred pounds in one day, plus more money the other days, he must be in debt.

He’s not going to get better, and he’s already begging you for more money, which I guess he never repays.

If you want help him, direct him to Gamblers Anonymous, and encourage him to take it onboard. However, leaving would probably be the better option.

MyPinkKoala · 06/03/2026 14:38

What is he like other ways? Is he good looking? If not, chuck

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 06/03/2026 14:40

End the relationship

ERthree · 06/03/2026 14:42

You are topping up his account by £5 every night, that is £150 a month, £1,800 a year ! You need to split and you need to check your credit file to make sure he hasn't taken loans out in your name.
Don't let this be the rest of your life.

HortiGal · 06/03/2026 14:47

Walk away, you can’t make a life with a gambling addict,£800 in a day is madness, if he goes at that level every month he’s chucking away £8000 per year!!