Is an inheritance from my mother a marital asset?

[LucyLoo1972]

I am likely to be separating form my DH.

I am in the process of receiving an inheritance from my mother's estate which is substantial - around £250 K and a half share of a foreign property worth around another £150 K

I am unable to work because I ahd a psychotic break at least partly due to stress my DH out me under - ironically enough through not allowing me adequate access to finances and hoarding money and controlling spending. its a long story. I nearly died and I blame myself fro putting up with that shift when id come form poverty - we had no debts nad he hoarded £100 K in his current account.

Anyway - will my inheritance from my mum be split with him?

I will look into this.

Took legal advice on this some years ago and I would encourage you to do so. The advice I got was that it depends on the joint assets available to ensure a fair settlement and secondly if the assets have been pooled, so held in a joint account or joint investments. So answer is do not pool and take legal advice on your exact circumstances

If you haven’t worked for 9 years then how did you afford to live?
How did you pay the bills when getting £12k a year?

If your DH paid your bills over the past 9 years then I think it’s shocking that you want to keep your inheritance all to yourself.

I’m wondering if this is a reverse.

Get legal advice and then separate and divorce.
You’ll both be better off separated.

Move away and don’t tell your father (or anyone else) your address.
Get a ring doorbell.

I doubt it's a reverse. The OP has been here for quite some time.

You may have felt safe with him, but you very clearly were not.

You are highly educated and had a great job with lots of friends, and were a Minister too.

You have lost all of that because of him.

You say he never raised his voice to you until after your breakdown. Does that mean he did when you were in the throes of your breakdown?! That is monstrous!

There are many types of abuse OP that do not involve shouting. He has subjected you to at least two: financial and emotional.

You mentioned in a later update that your surviving parent is your abusive father.
Growing up with him will have shaped how you see relationships, what you are willing to accept, and how you yourself behave.
I think this explains why you can say of your awful abusive husband that you "love him with your whole heart".

See a solicitor, immediately set up a legal separation, and file for divorce.

And if you can, get therapy to help you realise that your H isn't, and has probably never been, your protector.

Generally speaking, anything you inherit after your separation date is usually yours to keep. Anything prior to that is a marital asset.

If solicitor says absolutely yes, it is a marital asset, if you trust someone absolutely (as I would my son or sister) yiu can do a deed of variation, decline your inheritance and pass inheritance to that person.

That is not correct. An inheritance is not a marital asset unless it is mingled with or converted to the marital pot.

This would be madness, @ByQuaintAzureWasp !!

Please let’s not confuse the OP even more. I don’t think she can cope with any more advice from laypeople.

Wait until you’re divorced before accepting the money. Get the executors to park it in an interest-bearing account.

An old aunt of dh disinherited one of her 4 nephews, because he was married to an extreme spendaholic and she didn’t want her getting her hands on any of her money!

In fact they were divorced before the aunt died, and the other 3 made a Deed of Variation in order to reinstate him.

I honestly don't have anybody. the peopel I trust have all died int he last few years. i dont trust my sister and my father is a psychopath honestly. the police the other day said they'd never encountered anything like it form an 80 year old squaring up to a beefy 30 year old officer who had to tell him he would end up in an cell if he didnt get ff our property.

I have nobody and I never ever thought my life would turn out like this. I trusted my husband 100 percent - hes the only perosn I ever trusted. I see he has been abusive but I think its was neglectful rather than intentional.

gosh thats extreme - I was the opposite end from spendaholic. I didnt even have a desk top computer I needed.

yes. its very obviously abusive now. I pretty much have to stay upstairs and he shouts but I went really bands after my breakdwon. once I could see what happened it was unbearable to me. I was so so angry at him. I lost all the communities I was part of and I cant say without outing myself but the research I did was actually critical ot a national news story which is why I was very much under pressure.

I see a constant psychologist every week and he is clear that he thinks it was nad is abusive.

the change in me is absolutely unbearable. I sued ogive lectures ot 500 people. Ive lost half my hair and I lost five stone. I look like a hag.i cant even red a book ro watch tv and ive developed tow chorion illnesses one which is horrifically depilating- its a skin condition so severe it counts as a disability nad is very disfiguring

wel the bills come out of my account and have done for 25 years.

ive been asking him to set up a standing order but he hasn't.

I worked for two years sporadically ut of the 9 - that paid the bills because im hardly living he high life goign to movies and out for dinner.

no clue what a reverse is sorry

when I was earning £12k most of my money went on the bills.

he was so frugal we did barely anything - I mena we didnt go out for dinner or to the cinema and my holidays were iwth my mum abroad and she paid for everything for us both. we had amazing times there but they weren't paid for by him. he didnt take me out for my birthday or buy me gifts and although I was moving in very elite circles - for example I had research fellowship in the uS at the Library of congress nay clothes I ahd were pretty basic. I didnt even have spiffy account or Netflix or a desk top computer which kept asking for.

why I was asking for ti dont know.

its was the psychiatrist who spotted fiancail abuse becasue one of my delusions was that I was goign ot hell becasue I bought a fancy duvet cover in the US to commemorate my fellowship. - I was so happy nad proud to get that. only 20 people in the UK each year win that. I cant even watch the news and see the Capitol building because it is next to the Library of Congress.

bought a Ring doorbell yesterday.

one positive about my fathers assault nad attempted break in is that my DH now leveivesm when I said I had a bad childhood.my father is a psychopath nad capable of murder I think and id built a lovely life as a monster for 20 years with amazing friends I would cook for and loved to have in our house. I was was so happy and thought I had a dream life.

so may things were wring - he owuldnt even let me cuddle him or sit next ot him.

It sounds like you’ve had a terrible time. One thing to keep in mind is that pension assets are considered as part of the financial settlement. As he’s worked as an academic, this is likely to be considerable. So it might be that you could reach an agreement (with legal advice of course) not to pursue that as long as he doesn’t pursue your inheritance. Whatever each of you have said up until now about wha you will/won’t go after re: assets has nothing to do with the legal divorce process of a starting point of 50/50 split, regardless of who has paid for what in the marriage. It’s an assessment of the earning ability of each party post-divorce and how they will financially survive.

don know what a reverse is. if it means that im the abusive one and making it up thats not true.

im nto a nutter. it was a psychiatrist that raised to me that he thought I was being abused. I told him I ahd a wonderful husband and he said het thought I was being emotionally nad fiancnailly abused.

our house is run down and not really safe - we had a fire and the fire burdgade said the hoarded newspapers were not safe becasue the piles are everywhere.

thank you.

it is me that was the academic.

but I cant say his job but he has a very very good pension

its been horrific and have nothign and body and im insane my mind does not stop nad I have delusions still.

I cant even open a bible. my breakdwon was like something out of the exorcist and I was self harming in a trance for weeks

In that case, you have quite a lot of leverage to dissuade him from even considering your inheritance. He won’t want to give up his pension, or half of it. That could very easily happen.

yes - ive been told it would as I dont have a pension to speak of. his is about £45 K a year

This is just wrong. Inheritances have special status so they don't default to being a marital asset. However, they can be taken into account on a needs based approach.

Did you read the bit where she had a breakdown due to his abuse ? She can’t work.

it wasnt just his behaviour - but it was part of it fro sure

Urgh this is one of these threads where I know the story/background. They were told before what to do and now back again.

Look, im going to be very blunt and have commented on your previous posts. Your OWN therapist has said its abusive, you cant open a bible, a place of solitude and chose to self harm instead...... how even in a biblical world is that normal????

You need to leave now and be around normal people to see the extent of abuse he has done to you....

It’s the same as the hoarding.