Is an inheritance from my mother a marital asset?

[LucyLoo1972]

I am likely to be separating form my DH.

I am in the process of receiving an inheritance from my mother's estate which is substantial - around £250 K and a half share of a foreign property worth around another £150 K

I am unable to work because I ahd a psychotic break at least partly due to stress my DH out me under - ironically enough through not allowing me adequate access to finances and hoarding money and controlling spending. its a long story. I nearly died and I blame myself fro putting up with that shift when id come form poverty - we had no debts nad he hoarded £100 K in his current account.

Anyway - will my inheritance from my mum be split with him?

@LucyLoo1972 - outside of the discussion around solicitors and inheritance, do you have any other support.

Please call the Samaritans or your mental health crisis team or go to A&E if it feels like things are getting too much x

honestly I cant see how fairness would demand it.

my friend who has had dealings iwth domestic abuse charities said it is even possible my DH could have to pay spousal maintenance as I cant work.

She also says there would be a strong case that id been subject ot financial abuse all the way through (although I need saw it at the time).

Your friend sounds very wise!

I don’t think it is as simple as many are making out.

Inheritances are technology extra marital (as long as non commingled) except in case of need.

Need applies to 90% plus of divorces because few couples have enough to maintain their current lifestyles when divorced and maintaining two houses.

If there is ‘need’, judges have a lot of discretion here and it is unlikely they would leave one party much better off due to an inheritance.

thank you kind soul. it feels too much every day for the last 10 years.

I see consultant psychologist every week - the fees for with are almost £1000 a month. I need to stop that because it does no good any way and you can imagine how my husabnd doesnt want ot pay that.

what I ddi need ot do though is to get him t pay for our bills as I are no income so currently the bills are being paid form the money in my account which is my mums inheritance.

but getting him to set up a standing order is impossible really.

I know I wont get that money back ever

i’m not sure of the answer to your question but please report your DH to the police for domestic abuse. Actually, contact Women’s Aid for support first. In my local
area, Women’s Aid has a lot of support from local
solicitors who specialise in domestic abuse.

im not sure that im better off though when I have zero income? unless the judge deems he has ot pay spousal maintenance to me?

you would not believe how his frugality led directly into my breakdwon but I cant even bear ot say it here. becasue nobody allows themselves to be subject to that.

women Aid have put me in touch with a solicitor.

do you think this is really domestic abuse? I grew up in a domestic violence home with a violent alcoholic abuser father who beat me mum infant of me.

hes 80 know but tried ot break into my house last week and the neighbours called the police becasue he and his wife assaulted my husband and tired ot get me. no idea what they were planning to do to me.

id built a beautiful life full of happy things and acheived my dream of becoming and academic before I broke down.

I know. I know most peopel would be so angry they have been reduced ot a vegetable basically after everything I did nad coming from a. background of poverty to get a phd at one of the uKS elite universities. ive published books and was producing world class research. now I cant even get job in a acfe and ive really tried so os hard.

no but the pain of it is unbearable to me.

I love him very very much.

im scared my father could kill me if I live on my own

he wont know what ot do to make a nice home without me. I lobed to do that for him

Oh sweetheart - people absolutely would believe it and it is something many people fall victim to.

Whether it was intentional abuse on his part or whether he has is own mental health issues which cause him to be the way he is with money, the way he has treated you, intentionally or not is abusive.

With the hoarding on top of that, it isn't surprising that your mental health has taken a hit.

I know you have said you love him, but you really really need to think of yourself right now. Separation and divorce is hard enough in any circumstances, but with everything you have going on it is compounded and is 100 times more difficult.

I get you want to help him, but you won't be able to do that if you are too unwell or even worse not here anymore.

There will be time to think of him when you are sorted (if you still want to by then). If you want to help him sort his own life out, you will be able to do that with moral support, knowing that your own finances are sorted and you have a clean and tidy home to go back to.

For now, concentrate on the life you will have with your own place and space, knowing that your money is working hard in the correct savings accounts, investments and pensions.

Work on those business ideas, decide what art work you are going to buy to fill your new home and how you are going to put those interior design skills to good use. Get that solicitor in place and move towards that future!

That is financial abuse OP.
On top of the emotional abuse he has subjected you to.

He is a hoarder, and his hoarding means you have to live in an unhealthy environment.
He doesn't care.

His control of money has led to your MH issues, which are so severe you have been unable to work for 9 years.
He doesn't care.

You begged him to set up a pension for you, but he refused.
He doesn't care.

Why do you "love him with your whole heart"?
What positives is he bringing to your life? How can they outweigh the many negatives?!

You need to prioritise yourself, and get yourself out of this marriage.
Get a legal separation in place asap, and file for divorce.

He will either learn how to run a house and pay bills, or not.
Either way it won't be your problem, because you will be living your own life in your own home.

You need to get get some excellent legal advice which will hopefully mean you can protect your inheritance. (I know he says he wouldn't try to take it, but believe me, he probably will when it gets down to the negotiating).

Good luck OP 💐

thank you kind soul. you are right.

one thing I do have is an pretty amazing art collection - its is both of ours largely but I have started buying some of my own pieces too.

I always had such a vision fro our home but it could never be realised.

one of my business ideas is art related as it is the other skill. knowledge I have.

the work we have belongs to both of us but ive been able t o make wise investments such that over the years a spend of £20 K on art has accumaoted to acoolection Wirth over £100K becasue I have substantial knowlsed of art.

this is one of the huge sadnesses - we loved art nad did os much together goign to exhibitions etc. it was rare ot find a love where we were so attend to one another.

yes - I mena he keeps talking aobut how im sounding his money. I dont ithnk he understand its our money

I would liek to find a way we could maybe separate but not divorce but I dont know if its possible

I know he denote love me anymore becasue ive been terribel to him since my breakdown and he says im a monster

Joint asset if you're married... sorry, probably not what you want to hear

I think anything bought during the marriage counts as marital property. So I don't think you can buy your "own pieces" now and not have them count as jointly-owned.

You certainly seem to have an eye for pieces to invest in! That could become a good business for you.

Hello Hun.

Sorry to hear of your bereavement. I always say that it doesn't matter how old you are you will always miss your mum.

Even though we've been without my mum for 6 years & DH's for 10, my DH & me probably talk about our mothers every day remembering what they'd do or say in a certain situation. When we open a bottle of wine we remember how they would both say 'yes please dear, just a small one for me' & go on to finish the bottle between them & we'd open another.😂

As PP have said you need legal advice as all assets are generally considered to be joint assets. However, it seems that your mother was wanting to give you enough money to make you independent because of your health needs. This may form a legal basis for you keeping a bigger proportion of it than the usual 50/50.

yes of course - I understand that. I meant rather I have chosen some pieces on my own hone we used to buy together and we loved doing that.

I understand our collection will be split down the middle

well it was hard for my mum becasue I was unbelievably independent and heath and successful before my breakdwon. my dad left her with nothing and she ended up with and amazing properties abroad.

my husband and I are liek this aobut our parents which adds to the unbearable pain fo not being together. we've been married for 25 years and lost all except my absuive father.

England

What country are you in, scotland, England?

Cross post, get legal advice but im aware its slightly different from scotland, but def get it into a sole name account if you cant hold off the payout.

I am no expert, but I would be asking my solicitor to hold the inheritance in a client account (i.e.delay receipt) until I called the funds forward. (After divorce).