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Original poster

Is This A Red Flag

69 replies

ChasingRainbows123 · 02/03/2026 07:46

Is this a red flag or me overthinking.
Been dating a guy for just over a month.
He said he has been taking medication for depression. We arranged another date for last saturday.
Everything ok during the week. Lots of messages.
Then on Friday he messages to say he might need to work saturday night but will let me know Friday when he finishes work.
He messages to say he has to work saturday evening on main road 25 minutes from me. He works on roadworks.
He messages saturday as normal & then messages at 5pm I'm off to work. Chat later.
Never heard anymore from him that night.
I thought I'll drive past where he said he was working as I'm not sure hes telling truth here.
Drives along main road where he said he was working. No roadworks nothing. Drove down where he lives & car parked outside & his lights on in his bedroom & I saw another light in another room switch on & then off. So he was in house.
Why lie & say your working when not.
Is this a red flag or me overthinking ?
I messaged him yesterday & said oh how did work go last night. My friend came up that road last night & said there were no roadworks.
I said that so he knew that I knew their were no roadworks.
His reply was work there got cancelled & I was working over on West side. Believe what you want.
I just replied what you up to today ?
Are you seeing your mum & dad ?
He was online a few times but ignored message & replied in afternoon saying not much. Messages are a bit dry with him

OP posts:
50lbstolose · 02/03/2026 07:48

Believe what you want?!?!

block him and move on, he sounds awful. Do not waste your time with him.

CleanShirt · 02/03/2026 07:48

Just throw this one back.

Seaoftroubles · 02/03/2026 07:56

If he's causing you to feel that suspicious so early on l would end it, it's only been a few weeks. There could have been reasons why he didn't meet you on Saturday or he may just not be feeling it but the fact he's already lying isn't a good omen!

Original poster
ChasingRainbows123 · 02/03/2026 07:57

Seaoftroubles · 02/03/2026 07:56

If he's causing you to feel that suspicious so early on l would end it, it's only been a few weeks. There could have been reasons why he didn't meet you on Saturday or he may just not be feeling it but the fact he's already lying isn't a good omen!

I have known him four years. So not like we are strangers

OP posts:
AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 02/03/2026 07:58

After three dates it really isn’t worth even thinking about.

Original poster
ChasingRainbows123 · 02/03/2026 07:59

Only dating a few weeks though. Yes I was a bit shocked with the believe what you want reply too

OP posts:
coolcahuna · 02/03/2026 08:00

I think when you're feeling rhe need to check like this and let him know you know, it's just not worth your time. Move on.

Burningbud1981 · 02/03/2026 08:00

You sound like the red flag tbh. Driving to the road and to his house to see if he was there as you didn’t believe him. That’s just weird after 3 dates

ArcticSkua · 02/03/2026 08:01

Yes it's a red flag. Either he got a better offer or he just didn't want to see you. Then lied about it. Got defensive and doubled down when you asked him about it. Not great tbh.

Rooroobear · 02/03/2026 08:04

I couldn’t be arsed with this. He’s already lying to you and if you just accept it, it’s how it will always be. It’s been a matter of weeks. Move on x

Brightbluesomething · 02/03/2026 08:15

Yes it’s a red flag, but so is your behaviour after only a month. End it and move on.

ForTipsyFinch · 02/03/2026 08:21

None of the behaviour here is great, including yours. I would block him tbh do you really want to be with someone who inspires you to check up on them after just a few dates? How long you have known him is irrelevant.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 02/03/2026 08:25

She had a suspicion that he was lying. We tell women all the time to listen to her gut feelings. She did, she checked his bullshit story, and yes he was lying.

OP behaved wisely and has protected herself from wasting time with a lying loser.

Good on you for listening to your gut, OP. Drop him like a hot potato.

Burningbud1981 · 02/03/2026 08:45

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 02/03/2026 08:25

She had a suspicion that he was lying. We tell women all the time to listen to her gut feelings. She did, she checked his bullshit story, and yes he was lying.

OP behaved wisely and has protected herself from wasting time with a lying loser.

Good on you for listening to your gut, OP. Drop him like a hot potato.

So every time she’s in a relationship and the other person cancels you think it’s a good idea that she goes and stalks them because she doesn’t believe them. The man doesn’t get bonus points for lying. But her behaviour isn’t good either especially as they only had 3 dates.

Original poster
ChasingRainbows123 · 02/03/2026 09:00

Burningbud1981 · 02/03/2026 08:00

You sound like the red flag tbh. Driving to the road and to his house to see if he was there as you didn’t believe him. That’s just weird after 3 dates

No I'm not.
I was trusting my gut instinct telling me that something didnt seem right with his excuse for cancelling. No need for him to lie & say he was working when he wasn't. All he had to was be honest & say can I cancel tomorrow night I just want a quiet night on my own. Or was he with someone else. I dont know. Its easier to be honest than lie like he did

OP posts:
Burningbud1981 · 02/03/2026 09:11

@ChasingRainbows123
Trusting your gut instinct is fine but a reasonable response would have been to block or send a msg stating you didn’t believe him and you won’t be messed around. Your behaviour was unreasonable. And as I said before are you going to do that in every relationship when you don’t believe what you’ve been told.

WhatAPavalova · 02/03/2026 09:14

I think if you already distrust him to the point of proving that he was lying, I’d move on

Imbusytodaysorry · 02/03/2026 09:18

ChasingRainbows123 · 02/03/2026 07:59

Only dating a few weeks though. Yes I was a bit shocked with the believe what you want reply too

@ChasingRainbows123 He’s not that interested . He gave a shity reply .
He either canceled as he was feeling shit (which he could have been honest about ) or he had a better offer.
Either way I’d walk from this one. Don’t let hik
mess with your head .

HortiGal · 02/03/2026 09:28

Dating a month and you’re driving about spying on him? christ on a bike, he should be worried about you!

NotMajorTom · 02/03/2026 09:31

Burningbud1981 · 02/03/2026 08:00

You sound like the red flag tbh. Driving to the road and to his house to see if he was there as you didn’t believe him. That’s just weird after 3 dates

This

Eightdayz · 02/03/2026 09:33

Very stalker ish behaviour after a couple of dates.

How do you know the job didn't get cancelled or he finished it early?

Agree with pp. You sound like the red flag here.

Original poster
ChasingRainbows123 · 02/03/2026 09:33

He doesnt need to worry about me. All he had to do was be honest & not lie about cancelling date. Then my gut instinct wouldnt of been telling me somethings not true here. Following my gut instinct like you are told to do on here proved me right.
He was lying. Easier just to say can we cancel saturday cause I dont feel like it. No need to lie

OP posts:
HortiGal · 02/03/2026 09:40

Maybe he already knew you were a bit intense and was worried at your reaction; looks like he was right. OP this isn’t normal behaviour from you, it’s really not, no matter how you try to justify it.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 02/03/2026 09:51

Burningbud1981 · 02/03/2026 09:11

@ChasingRainbows123
Trusting your gut instinct is fine but a reasonable response would have been to block or send a msg stating you didn’t believe him and you won’t be messed around. Your behaviour was unreasonable. And as I said before are you going to do that in every relationship when you don’t believe what you’ve been told.

"Trusting your gut instinct is fine but a reasonable response would have been to block or send a msg stating you didn’t believe him and you won’t be messed around."

And all he would have done is keep lying through his teeth, and she would have been made to feel unreasonable. And then probably kept on with this guy, getting deeper and deeper, and getting her life hurt.

Women have been socialised to give men every benefit of the doubt and to gaslight themselves. And that socialisation is AMPLY demonstrated on MN: every time an OP comes along with her suspicions about her H or some bloke, there's inevitably a crowd of PPs coming along with the most ludicrous pretzeling rationalisations to explain away the OP's gut feeling.

There's no harm in what OP did, what she did was completely correct. Bad relationships are a devastating blight on women's lives, they SHOULD verify and check their suspicions so that that they're not taken for a ride by some lying shit.

Original poster
ChasingRainbows123 · 02/03/2026 09:53

Eightdayz · 02/03/2026 09:33

Very stalker ish behaviour after a couple of dates.

How do you know the job didn't get cancelled or he finished it early?

Agree with pp. You sound like the red flag here.

Cause he said he was working on West side until 6am.
When in reality he was in house.
Not stalker ish behaviour. Its trusting gut instinct. It wasn't about me being intense or how I would react. When he said he had to work & cancelled date. I said thats fine I understand you have to work. We can rearrange for next weekend if your free

OP posts: