Is This A Red Flag

[ChasingRainbows123]

Is this a red flag or me overthinking.
Been dating a guy for just over a month.
He said he has been taking medication for depression. We arranged another date for last saturday.
Everything ok during the week. Lots of messages.
Then on Friday he messages to say he might need to work saturday night but will let me know Friday when he finishes work.
He messages to say he has to work saturday evening on main road 25 minutes from me. He works on roadworks.
He messages saturday as normal & then messages at 5pm I'm off to work. Chat later.
Never heard anymore from him that night.
I thought I'll drive past where he said he was working as I'm not sure hes telling truth here.
Drives along main road where he said he was working. No roadworks nothing. Drove down where he lives & car parked outside & his lights on in his bedroom & I saw another light in another room switch on & then off. So he was in house.
Why lie & say your working when not.
Is this a red flag or me overthinking ?
I messaged him yesterday & said oh how did work go last night. My friend came up that road last night & said there were no roadworks.
I said that so he knew that I knew their were no roadworks.
His reply was work there got cancelled & I was working over on West side. Believe what you want.
I just replied what you up to today ?
Are you seeing your mum & dad ?
He was online a few times but ignored message & replied in afternoon saying not much. Messages are a bit dry with him

I think it all sounds a bit intense after a few dates. If you’re feeling the need to check up on him already then it might be best to pause dating and stop reaching out.

He could have been working, he might have had a better offer, he may have just been tired and wanted a quiet night but didn’t know how to tell you without offending you, no one really knows but he wasn’t pleased with the message and that’s why he was distant.

I wouldn’t block as I don’t usually block people but if your gut is telling you he’s lying then just back off and leave it be.

But she wouldn’t have have to deal with him continuing to lie because she would have trusted her gut instinct and thought I don’t believe him I don’t want anything to deal with this block move on.

I’d just tell him you aren’t feeling it and move on.

Spending your saturday night driving past road works to check if he's working, then camping outside his house is wild for any relationship let alone one thats only been going a month.

I think you are both better off without each other.

"But she wouldn’t have have to deal with him continuing to lie because she would have trusted her gut instinct "

As I said before, women are socialised to doubt themselves, and to give men - and their lies - the benefit of the doubt. They are trained to be NICE and to NOT believe their gut instincts. Maybe you or I would have listened to our gut and walked away without looking back from this lying twat, but most women really struggle with this. We should help them trust their gut, and if they have suspicions, they SHOULD verify. Doing anything else leaves these women helpless to defend themselves from the many male exploiters and dangerous freaks out there.

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPastaRespectfully I will disagree. Her actions after only having 3 dates it’s not reasonable and I will leave it at that.

This is "pick me" behaviour at it's best. Basically the guy knows you're very into him (to the point of stalking him when he's told you he's not available sat night). He probably didn't feel like seeing you and used "got to work" as an excuse in order to avoid long explanations and dissapointing you.
Basically this man is lying, showing he's not that much into
you yet you keep begging for his company, he's gotten a hint of desperation on your side and is loosing interest or cooling it off.

I'm afraid you need to raise your bar with men OP or get a hobbie.

He's not a rando, she's known him for 4 years. His right to privacy does not exceed her right to protect herself from a liar.

This is the man who was very into me & was wanting me to give him a chance & was making a lot of effort to message & see me. The man who kept telling me I deserve better than him cause hes overweight. He was the one who suggested saturday night for a date. So no I'm not desperate for his company. I dont appreciate being lied too. Just be honest. Not make lies up about working. At least now he has proved he doesnt always tell truth. I've had a lucky escape. I havent messaged him & never heard from him today either

Good on you, OP. Block him and walk away.

He might be interested in doing the chase at the begining but now "the prey got hunted" to the point you're stalking him he might have lost interest. The question here is not " does he want me?" but more " do i want this man?".

@ChasingRainbows123 This is a man who sad I deserve better than him cause hes overweight.

Always listen to a man when he speaks. He thinks you deserve better than him and he's probably right.

You’ve had a lucky escape from each other really. Work on your own trust issues before dating again.

I agree. OP's suspicion was right. At least she can get out now without any heartache.

I dated (or tried to date) a bloke like this. Bloody awful. Happened a few times in the first few weeks. I got rid. You can't date a liar without lying to yourself. They don't respect you and don't care about you. Don't p\try to convince yourself they feel any other way.

Not much point calling them out on it either. He lied. You know it and he knows it and he didn't give a shit.

There's nowhere to go from there really ❤

The early days of a good relationship should be good and without angst.

She wasn’t wrong with her instincts though was she?

Personally I wouldn't have told him I knew, acted all blase and waited to see what his next move was. I would have asked him "how was work?" and let him lie a bit more. Just to see how far he was willing to go with his lying ...but that's just me!

I wish I had done it that way now.
Hes went all cold & distant now with no messages from him.
My gut instinct was right

Yes, he got caught out in an obvious lie. You dodged a bullet.

Good on you for listening to your gut and acting swiftly.

It could of went on for months him lieing to me if I hadnt trusted it gut instinct

Well done for listening to your gut is all I can say. You gave him the benefit of the doubt by going to check, you tested your instinct a bit there and didn't just believe yourself straight away without willing to be proved wrong.
And now you know that something was definitely off you can walk away knowing that this one just doesn't measure up as good enough. Job well done and bullet dodged.

You'll all be pleased to know. After trusting my gut instinct & catching him out lying.
Never heard from him. Then he sends a message saying I'm f..king done with you. I'm gone. Goodbye.

I’ve told a white lie before about working because I want a night in but don’t want to offend anyone. Not sure it’s some giant red flag at all! Obviously always better to be honest at all times but sometimes it’s just trying to make sure you’re not upsetting someone.

On the other hand, you drove for 50 minutes on a round trip to a road he said he was working on to check if there were roadworks on a Saturday night to see if someone you’ve dated for 4 weeks was where he said he was….

YOU are the red flag OP

Op your checking him out is a red flag for him! If you already don’t trust him just tell him you don’t think you’re compatible

Well he sounds charming
Not.

Well done on trusting your instincts @ChasingRainbows123