Harsh posters on mumsnet

[GoldenGoldenGolden]

Does anyone else think mumsnet is really harsh compared to other forums on the internet? I seen a post on another group and the poster got nothing but support and kind comments yet I know if the exact same post was posted here she would be ripped to shreds. Why is that, why are posters so much harsher on here?

I don't think so.

But that said, there has been a change over the years in the way that (some) posters respond/interact with others. Such that MNHQ are making a concerted effort to stop that happening.

If you see a post that you think is unnecessarily harsh or mean or aggressive, report it - you'll see that there's now an option to report posts for being 'aggressive and unhelpful'. If you don't report posts, MNHQ will not see them, so it's important to do this, if you want things to change.

I’ve reported and it was left up.

Moderation has always been pretty sporadic really, probably down to the opinion of whoever picks up the report.

However, I can never understand how some posters can get so many of their posts deleted, yet still remain on Mumsnet.

I'm talking about the ones who get deleted for saying really awful racist or ableist things for example, not those whose posts could reasonably be given the benefit of doubt.

By not banning these people MNHQ are just making extra work for themselves.

Have you asked MNHQ why?

What's the other group/forum? I'd love to go look and do my own comparing before commenting fully.

No it was a while ago and I reported it twice and they didn’t delete it so I assumed it was because they didn’t want to.

I was wondering exactly that.

At times when I've been extremely disenchanted with MN I've searched for other similar forums to use instead and never been able to find anything that would serve as a substitute.

Please OP could you say what other forums you are using as a comparison with MN?

Also, it's worth remembering that one person's 'harsh' is another person's 'fair'.

There are a whole myriad of posters on MN from all different walks of life and their posts will reflect that.

I've been on forums in the past with lots of 'you go girl' type replies, and I've sat there thinking this really isn't helpful to the OP.

Sometimes the truth sounds harsh no matter how you wrap it up.

i think it’s terribly harsh. Reddit is my frame of reference. I think on Mumsnet people will often respond to a situation firstly in a knee jerk way but also in a very judgemental way that doesn’t really reflect what they’d actually do themselves if the were faced with the same situation.

Yes incredibly. I’ve been spun back in to depression after genuinely seeking help with situations. I’ve been called sexist, which I’m not, judgemental, which I’m not. It’s too harsh for me, but I aM sensitive (I’m also a good and kind person).

I’ve reported three times before something has been taken down.

Almost as if they like the engagement that rude/unhelpful posts brings. I mean, I’m sure that isn’t the case, what with them saying they want to make parents lives easier blah blah blah. And I’m also positive that the amount of engagement this brings has had nothing to do with the upcoming sale of Mumsnet.

Reddit is my go to as well. Rudeness is downvoted and helpful posts are upvoted. The visible survival of the fittest.

Yeah I reported twice but obviously it’s good for them to leave it up

…despite Justine’s statement about deleting nit picking and unhelpful posts or whatever the phrasing was. Just empty words with no care or meaning behind them. Like someone writing a statement for her and saying ‘post this, it sounds good’.

I’m so sorry to hear this. Proof that we shouldn’t be tolerant of other people having different opinions and ‘saying it how it is’ if they make people feel like this.

I would never ever ask for help on here, sometimes you get it, sometimes you get shoved into the gutter and trampled on while a drunken crowd watches. It’s not worth taking the chance when there are other, better places to ask.

I don’t see much really bad behaviour, but I see a lot of posters criticising or questioning comprehension skills, calling people “unhinged” and ending condescending posts with “HTH”. A lot of patronising and smug behaviour essentially.

I don't think it is generally, and I have seen LOTS of posts spanning several years.

Some men don't get treated as fairly in certain circumstances because some women are determined to find fault with them or find them guilty in some way (which they sometimes are, mind you). There can also be a phenomenon where the first reply sets the tone and if that's quite negative, others are more likely to follow, or just an evening where more posters than usual are leaving snarky replies, but generally, it's a very supportive place with great advice.

Yes, many posters deliberately argue against the OP regardless of their own personal belief’s half the time. It’s become really toxic on here and a real shame when women are reaching out for help.

Not really no.

Sometimes harsh, I do report posters who use vulgar name calling and personal attacks.
If I have a different point of view, it can be said otherwise than "You or your husband are as stupid as fucks, you fuckwits".
😐

I think there has been a shift over the years for sure.

The smaller community aspect has long gone.

I think there is often a desire or need to be the first to shoot or bring down immediately on aibu and that leaks into everywhere with trending.

less and less threads get to classics, which was always a place for brilliantly funny, kind and emotional chat.

I think as in life generally there are some lovely kind people on here and there are also some deeply unpleasant people. I've been on here a good few years and would say that the nice used to out weigh the nasty (although there were a few very unpleasant people that people seem to fawn over, presumably because they were intimidated by them) now I think the nasty outweigh the nice, I would never nowadays come on here to talk about a problem, because the risk of abuse is too high, and it would end up making me feel far worse.
There are definitely some 'usual suspects' who come on simply in order to be horrible.

I've tried reporting but to no avail, so now I don't start posts I just comment, and I keep my problems and worries to myself or try to look elsewhere for support.

I could probably point to about half a dozen threads today where an OP has suffered an onslaught of abuse from keyboard warriors who all jump on the bandwagon.

Another shoutout for Reddit

Yes, I posted on here once a long time ago and everybody was so horrible about my situation and managed to convince me to have an abortion. I couldn't live with what I'd done and absolutely spiraled in regret. I realise I probably shouldn't have taken the advice of strangers, but I was hormonal and feeling vulnerable. Thankfully, I got pregnant again on my next cycle and got my baby. Extreme example but it shows how much impact words can have, and mumsetters should think twice before commenting so harshly on lives they aren't living.

And picking people up on poor spelling and grammar, even though the post is perfectly understandable.

I always report for that and to be fair, 9 times out of 10 MNHQ will delete.

It amazes me how often someone can have their posts deleted but still remain on Mumsnet.