Update to thread about STBX and the OW.

[PeeledOranges]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5466689-confronting-stbx-tomorrow-about-the-ow

I've added the link because I know lots of people posted at the time on my thread. I'll give a quick summary and then update.

I discovered my partner of 5 years was having an affair in November last year. I was shocked to say the least and completely at a loss of how to tackle things.

So since then I have gathered lots of evidence to the extent of the affairs and the lies that have been spun. I've discovered he is meeting men for sex as well as continuing the affair. He continues to lie to my face about all of this.
But I have signed a tenancy agreement today and I'm moving into my own place soon. STBX knows nothing about the arrangements yet. I'm planning to tell him tomorrow evening.
I've got almost everything arranged now for the move so I need to start packing. Obviously at this stage he's going to realise something's amiss. I'm really not sure how he will react though which makes me nervous. If I could move out quickly while he was out I would!

@PeeledOranges good luck with the new place. Could you move your stuff while the shit is at work/out somewhere?

Wow I remember your thread but men too? I hope you’ve been STI tested.

Wishing you all the luck in the world, you are so close to a much happier life!

Will you be safe if you tell him? If you have any doubts please don’t take risks, get someone with you or go somewhere safe before you tell him.

My brother in law is coming round when I move out so I feel more comfortable with him being there. I don't I can arrange things for when STBX is at work.

But I'm so excited to be moving into my own place!!

Good luck with it all OP.

Wishing you all the best for your new chapter.

Are you moving out tomorrow too, OP? Frankly I would be telling him as I was on my way out of the door. Good idea to have BIL there. Best of luck in your new place with your freedom and peace.

Really glad your BIL will be there when you move. You’re doing so well - sending you lots of good luck!

You don’t owe him an explanation and I would just pack and leave !

I remember you. You’ve decided to go for it, then. Well done.

Good luck! Sounds like you have been through Hell and back.

But honestly, your own place, with all your own stuff around you exactly as you like it - trust me, it's the most brilliant thing in the world.

You will have time and space to nurture yourself, and find peace and healing.

Well done. Sounds like you are doing great! X

Agree with PP - just pack and leave. You can leave him a note if you want to explain.

Ugh what a bastard! Well done @PeeledOranges

Wow OP I salute you for lasting this long getting your ducks in a row. I would have blown up the day I found out. Does he have any suspicion? I couldn’t filter through OP updates on the other threads but did you ever confront him? Very best of luck, you got this!

Good for you!! All the best for this new chapter in your life.

Pack while he is at work and leave, while he is still at work.

This op ☝️
Don't tell him, just go , so excited for you op, well done 👏

Not read the original, but good for you, hope it goes well.

Good luck OP, I know you are going to be so happy in your new place

@TY78910 no I never let on in the end. Especially after much worse advice from mumsnetters. So I've got my ducks in a row, my whole family and friends know, I've got a move in date and everything is sorted.

I'm very fortunate that my late husband's sister agreed to be my guarantor because without her help I don't think I would have been able to move so soon.

I'm looking forward to being in my own space and getting STBX out of my life. Once I've done that I can start to heal and move on properly.

@PeeledOranges Wow, you’re incredibly strong. Good luck for today. Please keep us updated x

Update;

I told STBX last night that I knew about OW and I'm moving out next week and that I have everything on place to do so.
He wasn't shocked and didn't deny the affair.
He was shocked that I knew so much and I have everything in place without him knowing.

The bastard then tried to tell me he didn't mean it to happen and he was sorry.
He did mean it though, he paid to go dating apps and purposely didn't say anything to me and allowed our relationship to continue when he was looking elsewhere.
The only reason for his dishonesty is the fact that he has no balls.
I hope his new gf knows what she's getting.

Good for you! Good luck with the move.

Good luck on the move, at least you got an apology for what it’s worth, didn’t mean it to happen, then why go on dating apps, probably just didn’t mean for you to find out.

@Lennonjingles
I thought exactly that! He didn't mean for me to find out!