Engagement ring

[EagerGreenShaker]

If your partner was to propose to you today, roughly how much would you expect them to spend on an engagement ring?

i get that the value of a ring is not important and most people would be happy with any ring at all but just curious as to what people would say for they would expect a partner to pay on a ring you would love

@BestBefore2000Is it? I think many of us do feel valued by dh spending a decent amount. Not what they cannot afford, but something of value to show what you mean to them! Of course if you aren’t that bothered about men, have a curtain ring. My dh will be giving our dd away, making a speech and being supportive of her on the day. She’s also making a speech. We just see that as normal family dynamics, not making political statements.

@OhDear111 It depends what you mean my "of value" I guess. I don't equate value with always being something expensive, it is more of the tone in which it is given.
My father was also supportive of me on my wedding day - he did a beautiful reading. But equally respected the fact that we didn't want what is in essence a tradition borne out of patriarchy.
Same reasons I didn't become a Mrs or change my name.

Sounds very materialistic and shallow way of thinking how much your DH loves you. He’s only a good one if he buys an expensive ring you can show off?

I understand that people shape marriage to fit their values, and that’s fair. But marriage is still an institution with a long patriarchal history, even when many traditions are stripped away. That’s really my point — if the symbolism and traditions don’t resonate, engagement included, why get married at all rather than using legal routes to achieve the same protections?
What I do find uncomfortable is the judgment that creeps in around women who like nice jewellery. Liking a large diamond doesn’t make someone greedy or shallow, just as choosing a simpler or shared‑cost ring doesn’t make someone virtuous. Different people value different things.
So what’s actually being implied here — that women who like bigger rings are somehow lesser, or that men who don’t buy them are morally superior? Because that starts to sound less like principled feminism and more like misplaced judgment… or jealousy.

I have no idea, not much as we have better things to spend money on than jewellery. It’s not like the days before kids and a mortgage.

We got engaged 15 years ago. My ring cost about £800. We bought the stone from a gem market in Asia when travelling for £50. I had a jeweller design a bespoke setting for it and set the stone. That cost about £700. I didn’t see the final ring until Dh proposed. I love it. I love it as much today as I did 15 years ago when we had it made. Engagement rings don’t have to be expensive. I love that mine has a story and that there isn’t another ring like it in the world.

@Retro12 If you see my previous post you will see why we didn't opt for the other options e.g a civil partnership. We stripped away all of the patriarchal traditions normally found in a wedding day and had a civil ceremony as we are not Christians either.
I think women who "enjoy" big rings/diamonds are saying something, yes. Because why not have a smaller stone on a ring and you can still have expensive? As these obviously still can be!!

Oh dear, sorry to have rattled your cage, (not really sorry)! We bought what we, as first year College students, could afford and it was treasured for what it meant, not as a trophy to show off. Other things came later but that 'trinket' was always valued. Not a 'skinflint', far from it, and 52 years later when he died I still treasured my 'trinket', maybe I should have followed the pathetic MN mantra of LTB if he sneezed in a way of which I disapproved!

@JudgeJ Or LTB if he doesn't buy you a massive diamond! The most important thing a good man has to offer is the size of his wallet. (Apparently).

I understand your position, but the tone around women who enjoy larger diamonds feels unnecessarily judgmental. Why does it need decoding at all?
Enjoying beautiful jewellery doesn’t make someone shallow — and I believe the impulse to criticise other women’s choices often says more about insecurity or jealousy than feminism. Personally, I’m happy to let people enjoy what they enjoy.... Live and let live

Nearly 47 years ago mine cost £129. DH had a signat ring £49 which he only wore once.

@Retro12 My point is that expensive jewellery doesn't have to be big and/or showy.
Or does it?

It depends on how much he earns.

I find these statements somewhat misogynist tbh...unless his fiancée is going to buy him a ring/gift as well of course (depending on what she earns).

How is it misogynistic? OP is asking what people think should be spent on an engagement ring. Are we pretending salary isn't relevant to the price paid.

@TheGraniteGaze I'm not "pretending" anything - I don't buy into that. And why an engagement ring/gift for the woman? Does the man get something "dependent on salary"?

I think jewellery depreciates too easily and it's nuts to be wearing something the value of a second hand car (or for some people the cost of a new car!) on your hand all the time so personally I think no more than £1000 maximum if you're middle income and more/less if you can/can't afford it.

However, I think there should be a new tradition to replace the meaning of the old one - it's not very traditionally romantic but I think every man (if you want to be very traditional) or couple (far less misogynistic) should have a savings fund to gift upon engagement that is split between them as a token start to the future marriage (and an escape fund if all goes wrong). It's not what DeBeers would push, but a cheap (but thoughtful - my vintage one cost £125 a decade ago and I love it) ring and a fat savings account would be my preference please.

So now you're pretending engagement rings being bought for women only isn't the norm.

Salary is relevant. If someone is earning a million pounds a year but proposes with a £500 ring he's stingy and cheap.

@TheGraniteGaze Becoming a Mrs HisName upon marriage is still "the norm", doesn't mean it's not misogynistic.

Only on MN, most women are not so avaricious, though I think you may be joking! As for a massive diamond, er No, such a vulgar stone!