Engagement ring

[EagerGreenShaker]

If your partner was to propose to you today, roughly how much would you expect them to spend on an engagement ring?

i get that the value of a ring is not important and most people would be happy with any ring at all but just curious as to what people would say for they would expect a partner to pay on a ring you would love

Mine was over £2k 25 years ago and that was wholesale. It’s very beautiful and having lost my husband many years ago it is in the safe for my eldest child to use if they want to give it to their partner as an engagement ring

What they could afford without breaking the bank. Nothing ridiculous like 3 x monthly salary as I don’t need to be walking round with that on my finger!

I need a new one only because I’ve lost a ton of weight and my ring can’t be resized. I’ve bought a new wedding ring only because it felt wrong not to wear anything on that finger and I’ve left it up to dh to sort me a new engagement ring. Wether that’s remaking my current one or buying me a new one it’s his decision but he knows I want the same amount of carats as my current ring or more 🤣 (I like to sparkle).

It depends- are you both high earners or near minimum wage - give us some clue!

I would be annoyed if they spent more than £1,000 as it would be a red flag that we’re not aligned in our financial values and goals. Not trying to be the cool girl, but if I’m about to become a legal and financial unit with someone, the idea of them saving two months (!) salary and spending it on jewellery instead of thinking it was better put towards a mortgage or retirement would put me right off.

Plus I don’t want to walk around every day risking losing thousands of pounds if I lost or damaged something I was wearing.

Yes! 😂😂

Very few people earn five hundred a month, for 1k to be two months salary. Even min wage is double that. Meaning it’s two weeks salary even for the lowest earners. And you won’t lose a ring if it fits properly.

I agree!

We’ll I would, wouldn’t I, because that’s what we did!

Everyone’s different BUT:

Honestly I wouldn’t want to wear something that’s going to cost thousands of pounds as I’d rather that money be spent towards our new home or a holiday and I’d feel conscious wearing a mega expensive item as have a track record of losing things….

Also wouldn’t want something that cost £29 in the Pandora sale that might turn colour in a couple years…

My DH spent £650 on mine 4 years ago. I think that’s a perfect amount for me.

Well yes exactly my point - I’d be annoyed if they spent more than £1k so I’d definitely be annoyed if they paid more than 2 months salary which would be a lot more than that.

And most people I know who have expensive engagement rings take it off to wash their hands, to go to the gym, to do the washing up and in many other scenarios - all of which increase the risk of it being lost. And if you lose weight it’ll fit less well. Do a quick look on Facebook or Reddit to see how many stories there are about lost engagement rings, it’s not some unheard of tale.

If you’re mortgage free and have a well funded pension then absolutely spend thousands on jewellery. If not, then we have different priorities and don’t belong in a marriage together.

The problem with mine is that I never look at it. It's in its box in a drawer along with my wedding ring. The money could definitely have been better spent elsewhere. If I actually wore rings then I'd very much have like an expensive one, but I don't.

It seems to be a thing on MN that nearly everyone seems to despise anyone spending money on a wedding, a wedding dress or an engagement ring. (And actually having to go to a wedding!)
Most people on MN, describing their wedding, bought a dress for £50 in a sale/charity shop and had the reception in the village hall and did all their own flowers. And their engagement ring cost no more than £100.
IRL most friends had weddings at hotels, golf clubs, restaurants etc. Of course if youre on a really tight budget you can do weddings cheaply but most people on here seem quite snooty about spending more than £50 on anything wedding related even if you have a decent budget.

The same with rings - of course its down to preference and budget, (and no judgement if someone is literally broke) but the reality is sometimes cheap means poor quality. A ring linked on this thread weighed less than a gram, if thats worn every day its not going to last a long time. (Awaits everyone rushing to tell me their ring was £20 and still going strong 30 years later!)
Luckily lots of people IRL spend a bit more on their engagement rings or I'd be out of a job. 😄

In 1968 my engagement ring was bought with the 3d pieces, just over 1p, he had been saving in a milk bottle! We took this pile of coins to a second hand jewellers and managed to get an Edwardian sapphire and diamond ring, more chips than stones, for just over £3!

I’d like it to be white gold/platinum with a stone and shape that suit me.
Price I’m not bothered about but I’ll know if he puts thought into it.
He made me a ring once when we first met out of a WAGO and some cable (his work materials) and I’ve kept it all these years. I want that amount of thought.
The proposal itself also matters, if he does it in a public place in front of hundreds of people with a professional photographer, that man does not know me and has succumbed to social media pressure 😂

@Anonmousse

its fine to spend money you have and without too much sacrifice but I have met so many people in terrible debt from weddings (I consent counselling). I also anecdotally have met too many people who spent £££ on the wedding but the marriage didn’t last 5 years. So spend what you can afford without it impacting your future basically

So you know: some people can afford a decent ring and a house. It’s not one or the other.

Everything costs a lot but a cheap engagement ring is poor. I got a second one from DH. First one never sees the light of day. I was worth more and it now brings me joy. I didn’t want to make do! So in the end, I didn’t.

Of course there are no set rules, on engagement rings, you dont need to have one at all. But its more that if youre buying something to wear regularly for a long period of time, and can afford it then spending eg £1k on a ring, isnt outrageous.
Gold prices are so high at the moment that even some pretty small rings are £800+

This!!! Thankfully DH knew I didn’t like rings so didn’t buy me an engagement or wedding ring. It was something we discussed when we decided to get married.
If someone wants a ring, buy it yourself.

In my opinion, buying your own engagement ring takes away from what an engagement represents. While there’s nothing stopping someone from purchasing their own ring, it raises the question of whether it still carries the same meaning. Engagements and weddings are built on tradition. If those traditions no longer resonate, it’s fair to question the purpose of getting engaged or married in the first place.

You get married as a legal commitment to the person you love. Everyone creates their own traditions. I didn’t have an engagement or wedding ring as I don’t like them, I didn’t get married in a church as we’re not religious and I didn’t change my surname as I like the one I have - after nearly 30 years, doesn’t mean we’re any less married.

As I posted earlier, my ring was cheap, under £3, but it was never replaced because of what it represented to us and I'm not avaricious.

I got engaged in the early 2000s and my ring cost £220. I have worn it almost every day since and still love it. It is platinum with a small diamond but suits my skinny fingers.

@JudgeJ So you think women who want better jewelleryare avaricious? Really? I assume you think that’s bad? How dare we value ourselves more highly? You can keep your trinket. For me, that would have no meaning at all except a cheap skate husband who got away with it. You are easily pleased and I guess he knows it.

I don’t determine my worth by the value of rings on my fingers. I don’t like them so DH’s didn’t buy me one although spending £10k wouldn’t have hurt his bank account.

@Retro12 What do you mean by the "tradition" of engagement?
My husband and I married but in a non-trad ceremony. As a feminist I didn't want any of the patriarchal traditions for example - my dad didn't walk me down the aisle, no "only men" speeches, no throwing of the bouquet, no name or title change.
And as to why we didn't have a civil ceremony? For the reason they are not recognised in all countries which may present as problem in terms of a possible location move down the line.

@Parker231 I agree. But I do think some women feel the more expensive the ring, the more they are "valued". Which of course is complete and utter BS.