Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It is what it is?

67 replies

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 19:50

So I was dating a guy for 5 months and he was very serious about me at the beginning. He did a lot for me beyond the bare minimum. The thing is that i was still not over my ex and there was a comparison in my head all the time. That this guy wasn't like my ex and he is not for me. This lasted for 3 months of our relationship and maybe he felt that I wasn't invested. He is also training as a policeman and he didn't have a lot of free time to go out with his friends or me. We was going out only once in a week. Then I had an exam period and I became distant because I was studying all day and night and he showed respect. He only wanted to see me for an hour. When the exam period was over I was sure that I liked that person and I wanted to be with him. We spent a beautiful valentines day, and we were planning to go on a trip together. But first I went to a trip with my friends and maybe he felt like he is not my priority and I generally never talked to him about my feelings for him. We were just dating. When I was on that trip with my friends, he became distant in the chat and I was very worried, but I didn't do anything. I wanted to discuss that with him when I returned to my hometown, and one night he called me, and we talked very little, because I was eating with my friends. The last day of my trip he sent me a text and told me that it's better to break up because with our schedules we see each other once in a week and he has another whole year as a policeman trainee and that he is feeling that our relationship isn't so real, that we don't have communication and I agreed with him, but I tried to convince him that I want to change that and I am not the same person as the beginning of our relationship and if there was something in me it bothers him he should tell me earlier.He didn't listen to me, he just told me that he had made a decision even if it was wrong, because he doesn't feel fulfilled with our relationship and it isn't what he is looking for in his life right now. So, said that it is what it is then, nothing gonna change his decision now and I said goodbye. All this conversation was on instagram. I started crying, because he is a very good guy, but maybe he felt that I don't like him a lot and that there isn't something keeping him with me. I feel bad, I want him back, but what can I do now?

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 26/02/2026 19:53

I don't think you can have him back.
I'm sorry. It hurts when things like this happen.
It's probably for the best though.

Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 19:54

At the risk of stating the bleeding obvious, maybe speak to him and tell him what you’ve said here. Might not make any difference but worth a try if you really like him.

DinoLil · 26/02/2026 19:55

Kindly, you sound very young. This wasn't your time.

Randomuser2026 · 26/02/2026 19:58

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 19:50

So I was dating a guy for 5 months and he was very serious about me at the beginning. He did a lot for me beyond the bare minimum. The thing is that i was still not over my ex and there was a comparison in my head all the time. That this guy wasn't like my ex and he is not for me. This lasted for 3 months of our relationship and maybe he felt that I wasn't invested. He is also training as a policeman and he didn't have a lot of free time to go out with his friends or me. We was going out only once in a week. Then I had an exam period and I became distant because I was studying all day and night and he showed respect. He only wanted to see me for an hour. When the exam period was over I was sure that I liked that person and I wanted to be with him. We spent a beautiful valentines day, and we were planning to go on a trip together. But first I went to a trip with my friends and maybe he felt like he is not my priority and I generally never talked to him about my feelings for him. We were just dating. When I was on that trip with my friends, he became distant in the chat and I was very worried, but I didn't do anything. I wanted to discuss that with him when I returned to my hometown, and one night he called me, and we talked very little, because I was eating with my friends. The last day of my trip he sent me a text and told me that it's better to break up because with our schedules we see each other once in a week and he has another whole year as a policeman trainee and that he is feeling that our relationship isn't so real, that we don't have communication and I agreed with him, but I tried to convince him that I want to change that and I am not the same person as the beginning of our relationship and if there was something in me it bothers him he should tell me earlier.He didn't listen to me, he just told me that he had made a decision even if it was wrong, because he doesn't feel fulfilled with our relationship and it isn't what he is looking for in his life right now. So, said that it is what it is then, nothing gonna change his decision now and I said goodbye. All this conversation was on instagram. I started crying, because he is a very good guy, but maybe he felt that I don't like him a lot and that there isn't something keeping him with me. I feel bad, I want him back, but what can I do now?

You can accept all the times you didn’t prioritize the relationship led to it ending!

The small acts of consideration that keep a new relationship alive just weren’t there.

it’s for the best, and you’ll know for next time.

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:00

I'm not very young, I'm 22 and that was my first relationship, because my ex was a situationship. I didn't tell him that it's my first relationship and I had a problem with communicating my feelings, because it were all so new to me and I'm used to be alone for so long that I don't know how to have a boyfriend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:04

Randomuser2026 · 26/02/2026 19:58

You can accept all the times you didn’t prioritize the relationship led to it ending!

The small acts of consideration that keep a new relationship alive just weren’t there.

it’s for the best, and you’ll know for next time.

Show quote history

I know I was wrong, but it was my first relationship ( he didnt knew that) and I didn't know what to do, how to behave, I was very cold with him and he tried a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:06

Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 19:54

At the risk of stating the bleeding obvious, maybe speak to him and tell him what you’ve said here. Might not make any difference but worth a try if you really like him.

Yes, but if he feels pressure? i dont want that, but maybe he doesnt know that i really cared about him and the only problem was the difficulty of sharing my feelings.

OP posts:
Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 20:10

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:06

Yes, but if he feels pressure? i dont want that, but maybe he doesnt know that i really cared about him and the only problem was the difficulty of sharing my feelings.

Show quote history

He won’t feel pressured. What is stoping you just telling him whet you’ve said in this post?

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:20

Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 20:10

He won’t feel pressured. What is stoping you just telling him whet you’ve said in this post?

Edited
Show quote history

Idk, he said that he made a decision now and that we don't have to force this situation anymore. I tried to tell him that I wanted to change that and if we want we can find a solution about our schedules and when to see each other even if its difficult but he insisted. Last week we were looking for destinations for our trip and when I left for another trip with my friends, everything changed. Maybe he got disappointed

OP posts:
HortiGal · 26/02/2026 20:23

You’re 22, saying ‘I didn’t know how to act, I was very cold’, well you clearly did as you chose to act like that, you seemed to do your best to give him as little of your time or attention, he’s done well hanging on for so long.
Some of what you’ve recounted is actually quite rude on your behalf.

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:26

HortiGal · 26/02/2026 20:23

You’re 22, saying ‘I didn’t know how to act, I was very cold’, well you clearly did as you chose to act like that, you seemed to do your best to give him as little of your time or attention, he’s done well hanging on for so long.
Some of what you’ve recounted is actually quite rude on your behalf.

I know, I was really bad, I think the trip with my friends was the cherry on the top. I feel sad because I destroyed that, I was not ok and lost him

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 26/02/2026 20:41

You didn't make him a priority and that's most likely why he ended it. You will learn from this experience that a relationship need to be nurtured and won't work if it's one sided. Next time you will know how important it is to put in equal effort and you won't make the same mistakes.

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:45

Seaoftroubles · 26/02/2026 20:41

You didn't make him a priority and that's most likely why he ended it. You will learn from this experience that a relationship need to be nurtured and won't work if it's one sided. Next time you will know how important it is to put in equal effort and you won't make the same mistakes.

So I can't try for one last time?

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 26/02/2026 20:49

Leave him alone. You dated for 5 months and consistently offered him little until he decided that he could do better and the relationship wasn't for him.

Just because you've now decided you DO like him and you'll put a bit of effort in doesn't mean he should take you back. Next time don't mess people about for months before you decide you'll make them feel wanted.

It's pretty much the same as having friends - you make an effort to make them feel you are enjoying their company and value them, or you find that they don't bother with you any longer.

janietreemore · 26/02/2026 20:51

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:45

So I can't try for one last time?

Show quote history

He probably doesn't trust you to make such a big change. Why not get some counselling to help you do things differently? Then contact him again in a few months if you still want to.

Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 20:52

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:45

So I can't try for one last time?

Show quote history

Why are you asking this? You can do what you want.

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:53

Hatty65 · 26/02/2026 20:49

Leave him alone. You dated for 5 months and consistently offered him little until he decided that he could do better and the relationship wasn't for him.

Just because you've now decided you DO like him and you'll put a bit of effort in doesn't mean he should take you back. Next time don't mess people about for months before you decide you'll make them feel wanted.

It's pretty much the same as having friends - you make an effort to make them feel you are enjoying their company and value them, or you find that they don't bother with you any longer.

I tried to like him ok? i was emotionally unavailable and I didn't have a spark. I was waiting for the trip to things get better and finally open up to him but he stopped that

OP posts:
lax23 · 26/02/2026 20:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheFilliesWillRiseAgain · 26/02/2026 20:56

It'll be best to move on

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:57

janietreemore · 26/02/2026 20:51

He probably doesn't trust you to make such a big change. Why not get some counselling to help you do things differently? Then contact him again in a few months if you still want to.

Show quote history

iam doing therapy and my therapist told me that i should have communicated my feelings

OP posts:
Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 20:57

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:57

iam doing therapy and my therapist told me that i should have communicated my feelings

Show quote history

No shit Sherlock

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:57

Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 20:52

Why are you asking this? You can do what you want.

Show quote history

no, i dont want to be a silly girl who is begging him to come back

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 26/02/2026 20:58

He's got fed up of just getting crumbs from you @Howtodate

I don't think there's any coming back from this.

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:58

Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 20:57

No shit Sherlock

Show quote history

i know i was wrong, i was waiting for the trip to be more open to him, what can i do know?

OP posts:
Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 21:00

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:57

no, i dont want to be a silly girl who is begging him to come back

Edited
Show quote history

Ok, don’t then. Problem solved

Swipe left for the next trending thread