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Original poster

It is what it is?

67 replies

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 19:50

So I was dating a guy for 5 months and he was very serious about me at the beginning. He did a lot for me beyond the bare minimum. The thing is that i was still not over my ex and there was a comparison in my head all the time. That this guy wasn't like my ex and he is not for me. This lasted for 3 months of our relationship and maybe he felt that I wasn't invested. He is also training as a policeman and he didn't have a lot of free time to go out with his friends or me. We was going out only once in a week. Then I had an exam period and I became distant because I was studying all day and night and he showed respect. He only wanted to see me for an hour. When the exam period was over I was sure that I liked that person and I wanted to be with him. We spent a beautiful valentines day, and we were planning to go on a trip together. But first I went to a trip with my friends and maybe he felt like he is not my priority and I generally never talked to him about my feelings for him. We were just dating. When I was on that trip with my friends, he became distant in the chat and I was very worried, but I didn't do anything. I wanted to discuss that with him when I returned to my hometown, and one night he called me, and we talked very little, because I was eating with my friends. The last day of my trip he sent me a text and told me that it's better to break up because with our schedules we see each other once in a week and he has another whole year as a policeman trainee and that he is feeling that our relationship isn't so real, that we don't have communication and I agreed with him, but I tried to convince him that I want to change that and I am not the same person as the beginning of our relationship and if there was something in me it bothers him he should tell me earlier.He didn't listen to me, he just told me that he had made a decision even if it was wrong, because he doesn't feel fulfilled with our relationship and it isn't what he is looking for in his life right now. So, said that it is what it is then, nothing gonna change his decision now and I said goodbye. All this conversation was on instagram. I started crying, because he is a very good guy, but maybe he felt that I don't like him a lot and that there isn't something keeping him with me. I feel bad, I want him back, but what can I do now?

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 21:01

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 26/02/2026 20:58

He's got fed up of just getting crumbs from you @Howtodate

I don't think there's any coming back from this.

If I apologize and tell him i know that i was wrong, but he was my first relationship?

OP posts:
Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 21:03

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 21:01

If I apologize and tell him i know that i was wrong, but he was my first relationship?

Show quote history

FFS, you’ve got two options. It’s not that complicated so I don’t see the point of this thread going on repeating the same things.

Thatescalatedquickly2 · 26/02/2026 21:05

You know what? Relationships shouldn’t be this hard. Especially not at the beginning.

it sounds like you weren’t that interested in him, and you are now trying to convince yourself that you did
like him.

I know you said you weren’t ready to move on from your situationship. But if you really fancied the guy the ex would’ve been forgotten in a second.

I think you are also being a bit dramatic. You weren’t recovering from a disastrous marriage or an abusive relationship where you could understand why someone might be cautious.

you just weren’t that into him and that’s ok!

TwistedWonder · 26/02/2026 21:08

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 26/02/2026 20:58

He's got fed up of just getting crumbs from you @Howtodate

I don't think there's any coming back from this.

Agree with this.

Youre young OP so take this as a lesson on how to treat someone. You made this man an option not a priority and he’s quite rightly had enough.

Leave him alone now. And next relationship, prioritise them

FieryA · 26/02/2026 21:08

Instead of arguing on this thread, message him and tell him that you would like to try again as you don't want to give up something good. Whether he accepts or not is upto him. He rightly feels ignored by you and he has a busy schedule. So what are you both going to do differently this time? It might be best to take this as a lesson and only dive into dating, if and when you are actually ready. It is really hurtful to other person, when you are not emotionally available to put your energy into dating.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 26/02/2026 21:08

Forget about him and find someone new. This wasn’t a good start to a relationship. Both of you seem to have been half hearted with each other. He may have just been using the scheduling issue as an excuse to break up with you. Going on a trip with friends should not lead to you being dumped if the person really liked you. Only seeing you for an hour a week is extremely limited.

You weren’t very close or connected. By 5 months you should be way beyond messaging on Instagram and the occasional date. Start again and build a proper connection this time.

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 21:08

Thatescalatedquickly2 · 26/02/2026 21:05

You know what? Relationships shouldn’t be this hard. Especially not at the beginning.

it sounds like you weren’t that interested in him, and you are now trying to convince yourself that you did
like him.

I know you said you weren’t ready to move on from your situationship. But if you really fancied the guy the ex would’ve been forgotten in a second.

I think you are also being a bit dramatic. You weren’t recovering from a disastrous marriage or an abusive relationship where you could understand why someone might be cautious.

you just weren’t that into him and that’s ok!

I know, but I saw that he is so good with me and now I'm regretting, because it is very rare to find someone like him

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 26/02/2026 21:11

You're 22. You think you're not young but you are and have very little experience of dating. Learn from this and put it behind you.

notacooldad · 26/02/2026 21:13

So I can't try for one last time?
Its up to you but do y br suprised you dont get the answer you want.

Im not going to lie, I would have dumped you if I was him.

NotAWurstToIt · 26/02/2026 21:16

Are you regretting it because you’ve realised you like him, or because he broke up with you?
Kindly, it comes across that you weren’t really interested in him, whilst he initially went out of his way to show you he was interested in you.
You didn’t reciprocate and went away with your friends, even after the trip you didn’t really want to talk to him because you were having dinner with your friends.
It’s really healthy to have strong friendships and still maintain a balance whilst in a relationship, but you didn’t seem to want to make time for him - now he’s not available you want him?
Chalk this up to experience, continue your therapy and work out what you want from a relationship before you start your next one. It sounds like this wasn’t right for either of you.

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 21:21

NotAWurstToIt · 26/02/2026 21:16

Are you regretting it because you’ve realised you like him, or because he broke up with you?
Kindly, it comes across that you weren’t really interested in him, whilst he initially went out of his way to show you he was interested in you.
You didn’t reciprocate and went away with your friends, even after the trip you didn’t really want to talk to him because you were having dinner with your friends.
It’s really healthy to have strong friendships and still maintain a balance whilst in a relationship, but you didn’t seem to want to make time for him - now he’s not available you want him?
Chalk this up to experience, continue your therapy and work out what you want from a relationship before you start your next one. It sounds like this wasn’t right for either of you.

Actually I would have went with him to trip after a trip with my friends and he seemed he was fine with that. He went for a trip with his friends too when i had my exam period. So what's wrong? I realised I like him during my exam period, he was the only person I was seeing during a whole month and he was very patient with me. I want to tell him that I cared for him and I he wasnt indiffirent for me if he thinks that

OP posts:
FrozenFebruary · 26/02/2026 21:26

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:00

I'm not very young, I'm 22 and that was my first relationship, because my ex was a situationship. I didn't tell him that it's my first relationship and I had a problem with communicating my feelings, because it were all so new to me and I'm used to be alone for so long that I don't know how to have a boyfriend.

You are very young. You're 22, that's very young. Just learn from this.

NotAWurstToIt · 26/02/2026 21:26

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 21:21

Actually I would have went with him to trip after a trip with my friends and he seemed he was fine with that. He went for a trip with his friends too when i had my exam period. So what's wrong? I realised I like him during my exam period, he was the only person I was seeing during a whole month and he was very patient with me. I want to tell him that I cared for him and I he wasnt indiffirent for me if he thinks that

Show quote history

Then tell him, but be prepared that he might not change his mind. He was patient with you, but it sounds like he didn’t get the feeling from you that you were interested.
It’s up to you - shoot your shot and see if he responds, but if he doesn’t then you need to move on.

Original poster
Howtodate · 26/02/2026 21:27

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 26/02/2026 21:08

Forget about him and find someone new. This wasn’t a good start to a relationship. Both of you seem to have been half hearted with each other. He may have just been using the scheduling issue as an excuse to break up with you. Going on a trip with friends should not lead to you being dumped if the person really liked you. Only seeing you for an hour a week is extremely limited.

You weren’t very close or connected. By 5 months you should be way beyond messaging on Instagram and the occasional date. Start again and build a proper connection this time.

Edited

Yes, I know. It's very limited, but we can't do anything about that. He is living in a dormitory for his training, far away from the city we actually live in. He said that it is bad timing. Idk we didnt have the chance to break the ice, i was cold because it was my first relationship and that's it. I miss him so much though

OP posts:
IsItSummerSoon · 26/02/2026 21:36

I don’t think you genuinely like him.
I think you feel he’s a good guy and should like him.
Those things are not the same.
Leave him be, you’ll find the right person.

janietreemore · 27/02/2026 01:47

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 21:27

Yes, I know. It's very limited, but we can't do anything about that. He is living in a dormitory for his training, far away from the city we actually live in. He said that it is bad timing. Idk we didnt have the chance to break the ice, i was cold because it was my first relationship and that's it. I miss him so much though

Edited
Show quote history

Sorry OP but you are not making sense. A first relationship is typically full of passion and in the first months the couple want to be together every moment they can. Being cold is not typical of a first relationship or the result of being young.
But something prevented you from letting go and enjoying your feelings for this man. Either that or you don't really like him in that way. Use your therapy to understand this. Your ex won't be able to help you and he has had enough.

junebirthdaygirl · 27/02/2026 08:53

I think as humans we don't like someone to break up with us. We think that's our job. So suddenly a person doing that becomes more interesting, more of a challenge and our pride is hurt. Its him deciding that has made you like him more as decisions were taken out of your hands. Just accept his position and move on. When you meet someone you have a spark with you will be all in and won't care about your circumstances but will do everything you can to see him, prioritise him. You did nothing wrong really..you weren't too bothered..he picked up on that and called it. All is good and you will meet someone else. Let him go and don't beat yourself up either. Its fine!

Macaroni46 · 27/02/2026 08:58

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:58

i know i was wrong, i was waiting for the trip to be more open to him, what can i do know?

Show quote history

Learn from it and act differently with the next person you go out with. This one is over.

Onelifeonly · 27/02/2026 09:02

It's a long time since I dated but when I met a guy I liked enough I would prioritise seeing him -not over everything else, but he would know I was keen. But if he didn't seem keen, I'd drop it pretty quickly. Relationships are about feelings. If you're not feeling it, don't force it. I can fully understand why he's not wanting to keep this going and I doubt you can say anything to change it. Actions speak louder than words!

And 22 is pretty young experience-wise, especially if you've not dated much yet.

moderate · 27/02/2026 14:48

Howtodate · 26/02/2026 20:58

i know i was wrong, i was waiting for the trip to be more open to him, what can i do know?

Show quote history

You've been told what you can do now, but you're too proud to do it.

So the only thing remaining is to learn the lesson and do better next time.

Pessismistic · 28/02/2026 15:50

Op you are only 22 if this what he wants so be it if it would make you feel better send him a message saying sorry for the lack of communication a relationship is all new to you. and if he was to change his mind you would be there if not let him go your too young to be desperate for him also you shouldn’t have to cancel your friends for him.

ohyesido · 28/02/2026 15:55

I found this difficult to follow. Can you try using paragraphs?

Lifestooshort71 · 01/03/2026 14:04

ohyesido · 28/02/2026 15:55

I found this difficult to follow. Can you try using paragraphs?

A golden oldie

FrozenFebruary · 01/03/2026 15:24

ohyesido · 28/02/2026 15:55

I found this difficult to follow. Can you try using paragraphs?

I'm not entirely sure paragraphs would help

But if you want paragraphs, just copy and paste it yourself and put some in. It's not difficult.

ohyesido · 01/03/2026 15:29

FrozenFebruary · 01/03/2026 15:24

I'm not entirely sure paragraphs would help

But if you want paragraphs, just copy and paste it yourself and put some in. It's not difficult.

Show quote history

I’m not sure if it’s that important to me I’ve already forgotten what this was about