Awkward date 🫣

[Scarlet29061991]

I need the advice of people that have been on a lot of dates.

I met up with a younger man and Christ, it was just so awkward. I felt like I was the one making more of an effort to ask him questions about himself. I'm not the most confident person when meeting new people but he seemed less talkative and more shy than me.

There was long awkward silences and we were both just fidgeting and looking around. He also suggested going to an hotel room but I said no as I don't do that on a first date. 😐

He seemed he wanted it to end and so did I. I wasn't having a good time.

Is it his age? Shall I only try with men my own age or older?

Babysitting

Okay?

I think a similarly awkward date could happen with a man of any age 😂

You just didn't click.

Unless the age gap was massive, it's unlikely it was the main problem.

He obviously wanted a hook-up not a date
He didn't want conversation
Forget about him

You wanted a date, he wanted a shag.

Is it me do you think? Maybe I'm too standoffish and not outgoing enough. 🙁 I love banter and having a laugh with people when I get to know them but I can be shy at first, I can't change it though I don't think. I've always been an introvert.

I don’t think it was his age tbh. I’ve met really young guys (when I was younger) and they weren’t shy or awkward.

I actually prefer men a bit older than me and there are plenty of the that are shy/awkward, or don’t make much effort/only want a shag.

The age gap wasn't huge he's 26 and I'm 34 but I suppose it's significant.

I agree that he wasn't looking for a date but a hookup

Presumably that wasn't evident from the conversation before the date?

If you were being chatty and asking him questions and he was making zero effort to get to know you or engage in the conversation then I doubt it was a “you” problem.

also in my experience the shy & awkward ones don’t tend to be that forward sexually (ie suggesting a hotel room on a first date). It’s usually the cocky ones with all the banter that have the confidence to do that.

this guy just sounds stranger tbh

A 26 year old man should know how to hold a conversation (assuming he’s neurotypical) and not massively anxious/nervous. The fact he suggested a hotel room makes him sound pretty confident.

therefore, I doubt he’s shy. It sounds like he just couldn’t be arsed

I think he was looking for a hook up. Lots of people use dating apps for that.

Yeah but in my experience they’re at least willing to have a bit of a chat first

He messaged me a lot but he didn't make it clear that he was just looking for a shag. I thought we were just going to meet up and have a laugh/get to know each other but he seemed like he wasn't interested in making small talk and like he was bored.

I think at your ages, it’s extremely likely that he had absolutely no interest in bantering with you or any kind of normal relationship. He wanted sex, and didn’t want to do any ‘work’ for it whatsoever.

He messaged me on Facebook (he's a random bloke on my friends list) asking to meet and making it clear that he was interested.

No, it wasn't you.

Do you have any lovely, friendly, happy friends who you laugh and giggle with? You are capable of that, but this chap didn't 'work' with you that way.

Never second guess yourself, in fact be 'more' of yourself. You will just naturally 'work' with some people and not others. Heed that and don't second guess it and wonder if it's you, just roll with it and take the direction because it will mean that your precious time is only ever filled with people who get you and who you get and where things are natural and easy.

I'd message him and say thanks, all the best, then delete and have a nice hot bath and press on in other directions.

Yes, interested in sex

Why have you got random people you don’t know on your friends list? I think that’s weird to be honest. I agree also that he thought it was a hook up. He sounds delightful.

Age wise that was basically me and my dh our 1st date... it wasnt weird. We got married.

I think maybe just a bad date?
He clearly just wanted sex and didnt even have any chat to back it up... lameeee

I went on a date with a guy who was 42 a few months before and that was weird. We felt generationally different...
I cant remember specifics /all of it but he was complaining about hip pain and limped to the toilet at one point.
He texted me after and told me he didnt wamt to see me again. he had been so excited and happy that we matched and that i would date him but that I had made him feel like a old man and he couldnt bear it (or similar)
He was a journalist so maybe that why he was so bizarrely candid.

Nails it - he could be 18 or 80 age is irrelevant if he’s just after a shag

I felt that he was quite disrespectful 😔 I even bought him a drink and he didn't return the favour. I didn't buy him one just for him to buy me one back but I just felt like he was rude. The not wanting to make conversation was the part that upset me more.

Think it was just him, most will at least pretend to be interested for the first date, I think mostly you can tell before meeting up that they just want sex because that’s all they want to talk about, but perhaps he’s very inexperienced.

Agree with this. OP why have you got randoms you don’t actually know on your FB and having conversations with them? It’s a bit strange

He’s a waste of time - don’t give him any more headspace but learn from this.

Dont add randoms on FB
Don’t buy a man the first drink
Make it clear what you’re looking for upfront