What does he mean?

[Ejs890011]

So last night my husband said if “I wanted fun times”
i said “no thank you I am tired”. We only had sex last Saturday.
He then goes to say “oh well I don’t want it either I can’t be bothered”
then I went “ok.”
It was quiet for 10 mins then
he went say “The thing is I think why I want sex is because last time we did it was so good and I want it more”
I just went “ok well yes it was good but that should be the end of it”
then he proceeded to say “ok I am going to sleep. “
then we went to sleep. But why do I feel like he is guilt tripping me or like trying to blame me for something

“That should be the end of it” is quite harsh don’t you think?

You made it sound he should never communicate with you about sex. If someone said that to me, I'd not mention intimacy again for a long time. I don't think he's blaming you for anything here.

How should he approach wondering if you want sex? What would the right way be?

I ask because that seems quite a gentle approach to me- he suggested it, accepted being turned down, then mentioned that remembering how good it was last time means he’s looking forward to doing it again.

He was trying to be nice by telling you it was good last time you had sex. You sound as if you dislike sex and see it as a chore, and your whole approach sounds really harsh. Unless there’s a massive dripfeed here, I can’t really see why you’re being so snippy and defensive? He didn’t pressure you. He asked, you said no because ‘you only had sex last Saturday’ (?!) and he obviously felt a bit rejected but tried to say something nice to deflect that. ‘That should be the end of it’ is an odd way to see a completely normal conversation about sex between a married couple.

You shut him down so he will no doubt feel rejected. Imagine if he said the same to you? It might have been better if you'd been a bit less abrupt and said you were too tired that night but not for the forseeable future!

You 'only' had sex last Saturday- that's a week ago. He didn't do anything wrong by suggesting you might want sex again. You shut him down quite harshly I think.

Did he say he wanted fun times or ask if you wanted fun times? Your sentence is a bit scrambled. Either way he wanted sex. He wouldn’t bring it up otherwise. You shut him down quite abruptly. Why do you think he’s trying to guilt you, do you often turn him down?

You ‘only’ had sex last Saturday? That’s last week! Can you only do it once a week or something? You sound a little harsh in your responses to be fair

It sounds like it’s mainly for Christmas and his birthday, plus perhaps a couple of times on holiday. Just the summer holiday, though. That should be the end of quite a lot of things, I’d guess.

After 35 years of marriage, DH and I have had similar style conversations, just because sex was good last time, doesn’t always mean you want it again, the times DH has said you enjoyed it so much last time. I’ve found there’s no easy answer other than no.

"That should be the end of it"? What's that meant to mean?

Poor guy. Are you always that shut down and dismissive?

How often would you like sex to happen in your relationship OP, how often does your DH want it and how often per month do you have it?

One gets the impression that you don't like him much.

He tried to talk about it to initiate sex. Also saying it was so good last time is a compliment isn’t it? You shut him down in a cold and cruel way. Especially the only had it last week comment. Like your ration sex or have an agreement or only once a month and no negotiations? How does one of you usually initiate sex? Although if you don’t want sex saying no is perfectly acceptable I think you need to apologise for the tone of your response and the words you used.

He likes you, you don't like him.

Sounds as if he was trying to approach the subject of wanting more sex in general not in that specific moment. He was pointing out how it was enjoyable last time. (That’s what I make of the timings of him bringing up last time)

I mean you could have had an adult conversation about it but you just didn’t. Now you are asking MN what your DH meant, all you had to do was discuss it with him. Why on earth did you not?

Because then she can't immediately claim he's blaming and guilt-tripping her?

Feel sorry for him

you sound like hard work.

I don’t think he did anything wrong. It sounds like he was trying to express that he would like sex more than once a week as he enjoys it so much with you, which sounds like a good thing to me.

You clearly don’t like your husband. Do you have any reason to stay together?

Sounds like you have a terrible communication style. It’s perfectly ok to say no but to shut your husband down and to then to say you’re being guilt tripped!! Would you rather him to feel guilty for communicating with you and wanting sex?

What a miserable little situation.

So miserable. The sheer bleakness of thinking “why would he want sex when we we did it a week ago” is making me feel depressed!