How soon would you get married after giving birth?

[Sa11yCinnamon]

This is entirely hypothetical, but I'm currently trying for baby number 2 and just got engaged.

I'm wondering what's the youngest you'd want your DC to be at your wedding - I was thinking maybe 1?

Would love to hear any success/horror stories!

I'd get married ASAP before baby is born- your legal protection in case of split/death without will is huge and far more important than anything else.

DS1 was 6 months. What are you worried about, they are very portable?

Actually this

We waited until DD was 2.5, it was a nice age as she was able to be part of the day but could also be handed over to grandparents etc with minimal fuss.

Yes, I agree with this too.

Get married now. You need a legal contract in place when the practicalities of your lives, incomes and properties are so enmeshed.

Then have a fantastic party once you feel like it.

Get married now and celebrate when the babies are older
you’re vulnerable financially, legally and practically without a marriage

To add - i am really not trying to be rude or cast shade on your engagement (congratulations!). But i have seen firsthand the absolute clusterfuck that a split can leave for a mum who has dependent children but no legal protection of marriage. And I've also experienced the nightmare of dealing with wills where the 'stepchild' wasn't in fact legally related as no marriage. It's just not worth the risk.

This

Engaged while pregnant and married when DS was 11 months. The risks set out by others are valid but you need to take a view on likelihood and your risk acceptance. In hindsight it would have been easier with DS now (aged 3.5) but no way I wanted to wait that long so you have to do what you think is right. We had a summer wedding so a few months earlier would have been ok but didn’t want winter.

We got married when DS was 3 months old. I was breast feeding but expressed for wedding. SIL looked after him and DD (3 years old) for wedding. Lots of quite small kids there so they were part of a gang.

It was good, fun was had by all. It wasn't an expensive do and I booked registry office, venue, catering, DJ - and asked for decoration, photos, some games(a quiz) and actually my dress (longish story) as gifts.

What are your concerns about them being too little?

We already have a son, I earn more and own our house - if anything I'll be looking for advice on protecting that when we get married but I appreciate your comment!

My mum got married to my dad the same month I was born.

Wow, wasn't expecting so many comments along the same lines, and didn't read them all before replying to the first one!

I suppose I wasn't thinking about doing it with a small baby because I breastfed my first round the clock and would want a bit more freedom than that, and if they were a bit bigger they might feel like more of a part of the day.

Anyway as I said it's all hypothetical, need to actually conceive first 😅

I didn't take it as that at all, please don't worry! It's just not a concern for me, I appreciate others will disagree and that's fine 😊

We married at ten weeks, but we just took ourselves. No tomfoolery and shenanigans, just register office then off for chowder and pancakes. In fairness, did a wedding blessing the next year.

I’d probably want them to be old enough for me to leave them and enjoy the wedding night and honeymoon…so maybe like 5🤣. Otherwise, if it’s not your first baby and you know what you’re doing, maybe like 8-10 weeks so they’re still sleeping loads and can be passed around, but I was deffo not happy with my figure at that point so depends how quickly you recover from
pregnancy.

Id say the separation anxiety phase - maybe 8-18 months is to be avoided.

I would get married while pregnant.

We don’t have much in the way of family support, certainly no one who could have looked after a young baby safely. So I would have had baby with me the whole time and would have had to wrap up the wedding to go put them to bed. We certainly could have pushed that to 10pm with baby in a sling or pram, but still our wedding would have been planned around baby.

So I guess anytime after about 8-12 weeks if a quick registry office do and meal at the pub after then home. For a traditional wedding, i wouldn’t want to do it with a baby or young toddler as I’d be spending a lot of time parenting and not really enjoying my guests and time with Dh.

My eldest was 6 weeks when we got married - they slept pretty much the entire time, it was fab. I remember them turning 1 and walking and thinking how much harder it would have been. (My first was a really easy newborn - it would have been a nightmare if it had been the third!)

Son was born in late February and I was in the registry office on 12th March. He was bottle fed which made things much easier and my soon to be sister in law looked after him during the proceedings. I was only 20 which no doubt helped with my energy levels.

This is MN where any woman with a baby is assumed to be financially vulnerable and/or an aspiring SAHM or ‘very part timer’.

The concept of a female breadwinner who stands to lose a hell of a lot more in assets in the event of a divorce is completely alien to people.

I’d say 1, although before they can walk might be a bit easier. Or older like 3 and have them as part of the wedding.

I’ve often thought this as well, I’m the main breadwinner, I own our house and I have more in savings so I’m always surprised when people assume it’s the woman who loses out if a couple aren’t married

This is an unnecessarily sarky post, because I'm pretty sure you're well aware the vast majority of unmarried mothers are not in a better financial position than their partners?

It's like berating posters for assuming an OP is female, when the vast majority of MNetters are.

Definitely not getting married pregnant.

Our son, niece and nephew will all be there even if we don’t manage to have another and there will be plenty of people willing to help out.

I’m thinking a hotel (or venue with accommodation) where the kids could all go to bed when they need to and we can all take turns being in the room with them.