Domestic abuse help please

[MamaTo3under4]

Hi this is going to be really long, I don’t really know how im going to cram all of what’s been going on in one post but I feel so low and helpless and really need some advice and answers if anyone can.

i am 26 now, when I was 19 I met my boyfriend and we went on the have 3 children all a year apart since the beginning it has been hell living with him but I don’t know how to escape as I’m scared that he will kill me or take me kids away from me like h always says I’m going to bulket point all of the stuff he’s done and said since the begging as I’m really bad a writing stuff
-slapped me and strangled me and spat at me in front of my kids
-threatens to take my kids if I every “act like a slag inffront of the”
-I never have been allowed to take them out by myself unless it’s to school and straight back
-can’t wear makeup or watch dating shows or wear tight clothes
-goes mad if I look up and around at people when we are out
-has my bank card all the time
-can’t ha friends
-insults my mum all the time
-told me that he should stab me in the belly when I was pregnant
-constantly moans about the children making noise and says that he feels trapped I forced him to have the kids

and the list goes on, he is absolutely horrible to me and I know I need to escape and get help but I have no proof what so ever not even a text or anything to prove any of this I’m scared what happens when you run away to a refuge? Can he take me to court to get access to the children? I’m also scared that he will go straight to my mums house as he’s threatened to go there before if I ever did anything wrong he said he would kill her, also do refuges help you with housing after and what happens to my council house tha I’m in now and all my stuff, I no I need to leave I’m just trying to plan it, im also scared that he will somehow find me he’s a very very dangerous man I honestly don’t know what he would do if I took the kids because as evil as he is to me he’s actually not the worst dad in the world he’s abit strict with them but does actually love the more than anything

He doesn’t love your children;I man who loves his children doesn’t threaten to stab them in the womb,doesn’t threaten to murder their grandmother and doesn’t abuse their mother.

please call women’s aid asap

Women's Aid (or another refuge organisation) will help with referrals to other organisations and charities.

He is committing fraud and is financially abusive if he is using your bank card. Consider reporting to the police .
Would he actually take you to court and follow through with access etc? It's probably just a scare tactic.

@MrsMoastyToastyyes I’m really wanting to
call women’s aid but I know that it’s not confidential and then ca report it if the feel like your in danger and I just don’t know if I’m ready yet I’m just taking time to plan and think about things, I think he would go down the court route but I don’t know he’s so unpredictable my heads just all over the place I don’t know what to think or do I feel sick just thinking about it I’m honestly petrified

You need to call Women's Aid so they can help you and your children get out. They can also help you to apply for a non-molestation order. If your partner applies to the court IMO you have strong reasons to oppose supervised contact.

Do you have real life support? Family? Even if he's pushed them all off , they might be happy to support you now.
Do you have any access to funds?
What he is doing is a crime. You could start with police or women's aid.
People who know much more than me will be along soon , and there are so many women on here who have been through it, or helped others through this, and will support you and root for you. You are not alone.

@stargirl27 yeah I’m wondering if even without proof that I can oppose the supervised contact honestly he will brainwash them he already makes weird comments about how when the girls are older he won’t let them out or won’t let them go to uni or wear tight clothes ect it’s so creepy

@cordeliavorkosiganhey the person who I have is my mum and my 11year old sister that’s literally it they live 5 hours away as the kids dad made us move far away thanks for your kind words I feel alone right now

Womens Aid have a strict confidentiality policy. They will only break confidentiality if there is a critical safety issue for a child or vulnerable adult. So, for example, to save a child from immediate and serious harm or death. They are there to help women in your situation and they do. Knowledge is your friend here and ignorance and panic your enemy. Talk to them and make a plan. Also, think about him as a father. He's planning to control his daughters in the same way he does you. How does this make him a good father? And for them to actually see you being strangled and spat at. Think if the damage that is doing to them.

Oh sweetheart, you must do what's best for you and the kids. I would definitely phone Woman's Aid or even the Samaritans as they can help and advise you. You have been brave and taken one step towards a better life. Keep going.
Wishing you all the very best.

Women’s aid. Call them today. They won’t force you to do anything. They understand and will help you.

just take that one step and speak to them. They know how difficult and scary it is for women to leave. So they will be patient and listen to you.

Phone Women’s Ajd - they really really helped me. My GP was also amazing. Also your local council - they put me on the Homeless Register and had a legal duty to rehouse me within 56 days, although I found somewhere myself after about 45 days. Shelter can advise you fully on this.

Your local police force will have a domestic abuse team - it is a crime. (Although I to have to say that the MET officer who came to visit me after I left did not believe me, even though both Women’s Aid and my GP said it was a clear cut case of abuse).

Also of course, if you feel in imminent danger, dial 999.

I’m really sorry you are going through this. Please get support as soon as you can. It wily help.

Contact women’s aid asap. You can also get help if you go to a “safe place” which is most pharmacies, some restaurants and shops. You can alert staff and they will help you and keep you safe.
You need to make a plan in your mind of when and how you will leave. Gather birth certificates, passports, bank details etc & instead of coming home from school you will be met by women’s aid. They will support you through every part of your journey, including emergency housing and funds, phone, clothing and toiletries. The will support you with finding more permanent housing, this can be anywhere in the UK, you have the choice.

Please take action before any of this becomes even more dangerous. You’re stronger than you know. Stay safe xx

Women's aid is absolutely confidential @MamaTo3under4 . They will keep you safe and not let your partner know about where you are. Please get in touch with them, they will help you.

OP as others have said, please call Women's Aid. It is confidential and they will help you make a plan to leave safely. What he's doing to you is a crime. He's a nasty controlling man and you need to get away from him. You and your children deserve to live in peace and safety. You are so brave, you just need to take this first step. You are strong - look what you've survived so far - and you can do this 💐

Go tell your gp everything

You are very brave saying all this on-line, contact Womens Aid now, you know the number. Or you can phone the Police, dial 55 (from a landline if possible) when they answer and breathe as loud as you can, cough, just a little noise so they know you are there. They can trace you and will know you cannot speak. Other MN will know more about this than me.

Your description of what has happened is evidence. You put it in a witness statement which would be confirmed by a statement of truth. That is evidence. You are in terrible danger from this man. Strangulation is recognised as an indicator of future GBH or even homicide. Women’s Aid can advise. In the meantime, are you able to discreetly start pulling some important documents and items together into a discreet bag and keep it somewhere he can’t find it.

@Deryok thank you I didn’t know that, I thought I would have to have text messages, pictures etc, do you think this would affect the rights he has to see the kids I don’t even want him near them and I’m just worried that he will take me to court to see them😩

@Hhhwgroadkthank you wish me luck

@Endofyearthank uou so much for your kind words I know that my children don’t deserve to live like this I’m going to call women’s aid tomorrow and see at they say x

Good for you lovely, you're a bloody warrior and you will get through this! Sending you every ounce of strength & hugs 💐

He is the worst dad in the world, he allowed your babies to see him attack their mum. That is utterly disgusting.

Does he do the school run with you? If not, ask the school for support. Explain to them that you need to get out, take an extra bag with you in the morning, ask if you can store it there and ask when you collect the children can someone help with arranging a taxi/transport to somewhere safe. If you’re worried about your Mum, encourage her to go somewhere safe on the same day.

I know this is tough, and I know you’re really frightened, but you and your little ones deserve better than this vermin.

If you are in immediate danger scared for you life and kids call 999
you don’t need to speak just press 55 so you can pretend you are calling takeaway etc and they will ask you questions to help
so remember 999 then 55
take care x

@superfrog2thank you i will remember that, on 12th of feb (my birthday) he was going mad for literally no reason hitting the bed with a crowbar saying that he was going to kill someone and told me to move from his sight so I quickly took the kids and went downstairs I should of done it then I don’t know how a human can make me feel this scared and powerless but he’s done it and made me feel like I don’t trust my own judgment or like I can’t make decisions anymore but I need to take some control of mine and my kids life now and do what’s right sorry for the rant I just need to get it off my chest xx

They like to pull stunts like this on birthdays and special occasions. It’s classic narcissistic behaviour along with everything you have listed above.
I have been where you have been but he never threatened to kill my family. I can understand how frightening this must be. He is a very weak man and you a lot of what he’s saying are empty threats (as I also discovered) but I think he is a violent and volatile character so you and your children and your mother and sister need protection. This needs to be discussed with the police.
First point of call, women’s aid and take it from there.
It is terrifying but freedom awaits. You just need to plan this meticulously so that you all stay safe. 💐