Domestic abuse help please

[MamaTo3under4]

Hi this is going to be really long, I don’t really know how im going to cram all of what’s been going on in one post but I feel so low and helpless and really need some advice and answers if anyone can.

i am 26 now, when I was 19 I met my boyfriend and we went on the have 3 children all a year apart since the beginning it has been hell living with him but I don’t know how to escape as I’m scared that he will kill me or take me kids away from me like h always says I’m going to bulket point all of the stuff he’s done and said since the begging as I’m really bad a writing stuff
-slapped me and strangled me and spat at me in front of my kids
-threatens to take my kids if I every “act like a slag inffront of the”
-I never have been allowed to take them out by myself unless it’s to school and straight back
-can’t wear makeup or watch dating shows or wear tight clothes
-goes mad if I look up and around at people when we are out
-has my bank card all the time
-can’t ha friends
-insults my mum all the time
-told me that he should stab me in the belly when I was pregnant
-constantly moans about the children making noise and says that he feels trapped I forced him to have the kids

and the list goes on, he is absolutely horrible to me and I know I need to escape and get help but I have no proof what so ever not even a text or anything to prove any of this I’m scared what happens when you run away to a refuge? Can he take me to court to get access to the children? I’m also scared that he will go straight to my mums house as he’s threatened to go there before if I ever did anything wrong he said he would kill her, also do refuges help you with housing after and what happens to my council house tha I’m in now and all my stuff, I no I need to leave I’m just trying to plan it, im also scared that he will somehow find me he’s a very very dangerous man I honestly don’t know what he would do if I took the kids because as evil as he is to me he’s actually not the worst dad in the world he’s abit strict with them but does actually love the more than anything

Are you safe? are you out?

@MamaTo3under4 You have done nothing to deserve this. The sooner you get out the better. The sooner the police are contacted and a domestic violence agency are contacted the better. The female police officer took photos of my bruises as evidence.
If he starts using counter claims, and you have said or done something to retaliate, this is quite common and is called 'reactive abuse'. Abuse escalates over time, goes through cycles of good and bad, and therefore is insidious - you only realise how bad it was when you're out of the situation talking over it all with the authorities, a therapist, a friend, thinking about it (PTSD) etc..
There is absolutely nothing you or your DC have done to deserve to live your lives being treated so awfully by this person. A person who loves you would not humiliate, harm or control you. Nor would a father who loves and cherishes his children and their childhoods abuse the mother of his children, who is vulnerable emotionally as a result of the abuse. Despicable, hateful, 'empty' fucker that he is.

Hope you are ok, OP and getting some support through all this? When I finally left for good, I never looked back, I only wish I'd left sooner.

Get evidence. Use your phone to record what you can but do so in a manner that is safe.
If he's messaged abusive stuff keep that too.

Do not make excuses for him or worry what his fate will be when you talk with the police and the courts.

Your job now is to keep you and your kids safe and that is it. As long as the police have the full unfiltered truth they can act.

By unfiltered and excuses what I mean is people sometimes when faced with such conversations especially with authority types like police or courts. They say how awful something is then feel the need to say something like "he does have his good moments" or "it wasn't always like this" or "I think he could learn from this and I hope one day"

There is nothing they can do with the good stuff. You need protection from the bad.

When they ask was he always like this or questions like that then of course answer truthfully. Just do not offer excuses or downplay how bad he is.

I hope you stay safe.

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.
MNHQ❤