I have an uneasy feeling regarding a guy I just went on 2 dates with .

[Missj25]

Hey Guys .
So long story short , I went on 2 dates with a guy last Summer, he wasn’t for me so i didn’t pursue.
He messaged here & there , I was always polite & messsged back.
Anyway, I told him I wouldn’t be seeing him again , he continued to message & send me random videos of things he was doing at the time . Clearly he wasn’t getting the message so I had to block him .
He then proceeded to ring me off of a different number in September, & on the day of my birthday in November, I hung up both times , he sent a message & said “ that’s not very nice “ , I ignored & deleted message .
On Sat night he rang again off a number I didn’t recognise & said “ Happy Valentine’s Day my Darling “ , it was actually my daughter who picked up the phone & she hung up also .
He sent a message & said same thing “ that’s not very nice “ .
I just feel a sense of unease over it , it was 2 dates last Summer !!!
It’s now February .
Like I just feel normal people don’t do things like this .
It’s not like he is contacting me every week or anything but still it’s strange.
Should I be worried do you think ?or will he just stop I wonder .

Yes I'd be uneasy too. That's not normal. Does he know your address?

Id call that stalking/harassment.

Would you consider a police report?

Phone the police, you nutter!!

Try and get a record of when he's phoned you and write down everything all the dates and so on. To prove harassment has to be a certain period of time, normally in practice is a few months so it's really important you have the details.

The police could do with knowing about this crazy. Especially if you have children.

Contact the police. This is not normal

Also beef up security around your home - ring doorbell and consider changing your number. Lock down all SM so it is private only

Definitely make the police aware of what's been happening, you never know, he may be known to them already. I don't think that this is normal behaviour, clearly he can't take no for an answer and is pushing the boundaries of reasonability. Please be vigilant!

Can you do a request under Clare’s law and at the same time speak to the police about what’s been happening.

As PP have said, get a ring doorbell, lock down social media, change your No or just don’t answer any No’s you don’t recognise, people can always leave a message.
Block every No he calls from and make a log of them.

His behaviour is very odd.

I had someone stalk me for over a year after one date (I refused a 2nd), he even made new profiles on a dating app to try and contact me, sent me a load of abuse calling me ‘damaged goods’ just because I didn’t want a 2nd date. Eventually I got someone on here to make fake profile and arrange to meet him, they then stood him up last minute and told him to stop harassing me or there would be consequences (I knew where he worked, in a very respectful job). I never heard from him again.

keep blocking and ignoring. If it doesn’t stop then report him to the police.

Although it is a hassle it might be worth changing your phone number. I agree it wouldn't hurt to log it with the police and find out if they can ask him not to contact you again.

He’s harassing you and you need to speak to the police for advice.

Call the police. It is harassment.

Also, you really don't need to keep answering your phone to unrecognised numbers. I don't. I never have and the sky hasn't fallen in. Tell your DD not to either.

If nothing works at all then consider changing your phone number, not that you should have to, but you just do what is needed at the time.

I hope he doesn't know where you live, but if he does then get a ring doorbell so you can see on the app who is there and decide whether to answer or not. Be prepared to call the police if he does turn up and if he won't leave you alone.

Always listen to your gut instinct, our subconscious notices things we consciously miss. The gift of fear is a good read which talks about this by somebody who did security for lots of very high profile people.

No need for "subconscious" - there's nothing subtle or ambiguous going on here. He is stalking and harassing you which is a crime.

Please inform the police. It's been going on for the best part of a year so isn't going to stop by itself, and could well escalate.

Police. New number.

Does he know where you live?

Police to protect yourself and others

Definitely report to the police. He is stalking you.

I wouldnt be surprised if you get told that it isnt harassment because the incidents are too far apart.

I doubt it meets any kind of criminal threshold but that doesn't mean you shouldn't report it.

It could be that this is a pattern of behaviour and could form part of a Claire's Law disclosure.

And while I hope very much that it won't escalate, getting it documented now is important.

You see this is what I think .
I was saying to myself first , it’s not like he is contacting you every week , but now I actually find that more worrisome, that he leaves it months at a time & then rings me .
I don’t like the way he messages “ that’s not very nice “ either , I mean my bday night & Valentine’s Night .
It was last June , 2 dates , no overnight stays or anything.
If it were drink related , I wouldn’t really take any notice being honest , but he actually doesn’t drink .
If someone blocked you , wouldn’t you be mortified.
Ringing from diff numbers, he knows I don’t wish to be in contact with him so why then do what he is doing ?
Then when I hang up he clearly thinks I’m being rude , hence that same message he sends .
He knows where I live & he knows where I work .
He lives about 1.5 hours away from me , well at least that’s where he told me he is from .
I met him on line, so to be fair I don’t know anything about him only what he has told me , & he’s turning out to be quite strange .
It’s frightening me because it was so long ago I met him for 2 stupid dates .

Report it to the police and play up the situation - say he has called more times than he actually has, I’d also say that he has said that he’s going to turn up at your house. Please are more likely to take that seriously and what exactly is the man going to do? Say no, all I did was call her a few times? Is your word against his and if you’ve already got the evidence of the harassment, I would just go all in and play up the situation. This isn’t necessarily to get him arrested for this, but it is so that the police warn him to leave you alone.

Definitely ring the police op. For all you know he has a history and is already known to them. Can you do a claires law request?

I had this actually very similar, 2 dates and then constant messaging for about a year after. I didn't realise initially because the blocked messages were going into a different folder on my phone and I don't really do social media but so creepy. I think there's more than enough there that its worth logging. And I agree there's something menacing about the "that's not very nice" messages.

I’m afraid so & also where I work .
Met him on line so it’s not like I really know anything about him .

You’re right. Normal people don’t do that.
I’d report to the police. Even if they can’t/don’t do anything now at least there’ll be a record of it if it continues or escalates.
What the fuck is wrong with these men?!!

Oh God that’s awful .
It’s just it’s frightening isn’t it , when you can see someone doesn’t think like a normal person , because if they did they wouldn’t do these things, & you don’t know are you over thinking, or at the same time no idea what they’re capable of .
I said if he contacts me once more I’m going to go to the police .
Now I think I might ask police for some advice .