I have an uneasy feeling regarding a guy I just went on 2 dates with .

[Missj25]

Hey Guys .
So long story short , I went on 2 dates with a guy last Summer, he wasn’t for me so i didn’t pursue.
He messaged here & there , I was always polite & messsged back.
Anyway, I told him I wouldn’t be seeing him again , he continued to message & send me random videos of things he was doing at the time . Clearly he wasn’t getting the message so I had to block him .
He then proceeded to ring me off of a different number in September, & on the day of my birthday in November, I hung up both times , he sent a message & said “ that’s not very nice “ , I ignored & deleted message .
On Sat night he rang again off a number I didn’t recognise & said “ Happy Valentine’s Day my Darling “ , it was actually my daughter who picked up the phone & she hung up also .
He sent a message & said same thing “ that’s not very nice “ .
I just feel a sense of unease over it , it was 2 dates last Summer !!!
It’s now February .
Like I just feel normal people don’t do things like this .
It’s not like he is contacting me every week or anything but still it’s strange.
Should I be worried do you think ?or will he just stop I wonder .

Should be fine. It’s 2 or more incidents within a 3 month period that amounts to harassment.

He leaves it months at a time because he knows EXACTLY what hes doing

I had a nightmare date where the guy physically assaulted me out of nowhere. He knew I wasn’t interested. He behaved in a similar way with different phone numbers, I just kept blocking the numbers. He had also given my number out and I was getting random calls from businesses. I contacted the police straight after the date. I would suggest you do the same. Hope it stops soon. Could you change your number?

He's a stalker and dangerous.
Notify police and take extra precautions for you and your DC.
If you have a brother who can stay over from time to time I'd do that too just in case you are being watched.

@Missj25 it is harassment . You have said you don’t want to be involved . He’s been calling txting and when you block that method he appears another way .

You must send a message . “Do not contact me ever again or I am going to the police”. Keep saying don’t contact me and leave me alone . If he persists go to the police.

So sorry to hear that Poptartz , must have been very frightening, being assaulted 😔.
He clearly knows I’m not interested so he’s obviously trying to scare me which is so fucked up in itself .
I kinda don’t want to change my number incase it makes him worse especially cause he knows where I work & live .

Police for advice!

Agree with you about keeping your number OP. You are right that if he loses the ability to contact you that way, he may escalate to turning up in person. But definitely police. Be very clear that you feel extremely uneasy, he knows where you live and work and he can have no agenda for repeated contact other than to unsettle you. Hopefully they will have some good advice.

I'm so sorry though. It's fucking shit. How dare he.

Definitely get it logged with the police OP and get their advice. Hopefully he is just totally socially inept but harmless, the sort who views anyone they've ever met as a friend for life. Even if that's the case, he still needs to be made aware it's unacceptable behaviour, bordering on harassment.

You've done the right thing clearly asking him to cease contacting you.

I'd call the non-emergency police line, and speak to someone, to get advice. Harassment is defined as 'two or more incidents', so this situation should fall under this. At the very least the incidents should be logged by the police.

Have you at any point sent a clear message 'The phone calls and messages are unwanted, please do not contact me again'? In theory by blocking him, of course it should have told him you aren't interested! With most people it would be glaringly obvious.

You may have told him you didn't want to see him again, but this is different to telling him that his calls/messages are unwanted and to stop. I have a feeling the police will need to you to make a clear boundary with him, by saying the messages/calls are unwanted.

Get some advice from the police. It may be necessary to reply back with a clear message that the contact is unwanted and to stop. Keep all messages and make a note (time/date) of all contact.

I agree with at least asking the police what you can do about it.

I would be changing my number personally. The hassle that would cause you is significantly less than the stress of you worrying about him ringing you.

Also, WTF is wrong with men?

This is horrible op, I had, what I guessed, a taxi driver call me up saying weird shit like you look beautiful today etc, I blocked him and then another man called me up saying similar stuff. I was living in Egypt at the time and the men there pester women a lot. It's scary and I hope you get it sorted.

OK, in that case definitely message back just once saying "Stop contacting me, I don't want your messages and if you continue I will go to the police."

Then block him (yet again) and ignore. You still don't need to answer unknown or unrecognised numbers on your phone.

I’m feeling much brighter today , everything seems worse at Night time.

A few things , on our first date I found him quite hyper , on initial meeting I thought he had drinks , but he didn’t drink so I put it down to nerves .
It wasn’t drugs either .
He settled more as the evening went on , we chatted away , the eve went well .
I found him to be a nice man with a larger than life personality , which wouldn’t be for me either at the same time , larger than life personality I mean , I like someone to be more relaxed .
I decided to do a second date though because I thought i should give it a chance .
Second date sealed the deal for me though , I knew he wasn’t for me , but would still say he was a nice man .
At one point during the evening i slightly bent over table to get my purse , he gave me the biggest smack on the bum !, this was 7 o clock in the evening, a husband, wife & their 3 young kids at table next to us .
I’m not a prude at all but it was completely inappropriate behaviour.
I felt as though he just didn’t know how to behave in public .
There were other things too .
Anyway, as you say GraciousMe , socially inept , he doesn’t realise this isn’t cool .
I have messaged & said not to contact me again .
Hopefully this is it now 🤞 , otherwise I will have to get police to contact him on my behalf .

Hi OP. I’m really sorry this is happening to you: it’s unsettling at best and terrifying at worst and no woman should have to put up with this crap.

Here is what I’d do:

1. Read the info at the below link - note it explicitly says: “harassment can include things your abuser has said or done. The incidents could have happened recently or they could have happened months apart.”

1. If you can, document every single contact you have had from him (starting with the two dates) using a table with three column headings: date and time, nature of contact, and content of contact.

2.contact the police, say you’ve prepared the table and be clear with them that this behaviour is harassment and ask them how they plan to deal with it.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/row--legal-guide--harassment-final.pdf

The thing is, this kind of behaviour can escalate into very serious crimes indeed.

I would also never answer any call from an unknown
number. If they need to send you a message, they’ll leave one on your VM.

Send a text saying "Stop contacting me now. If I receive any more calls, texts or any communication from you I will be moving forward with the police as advised."

Then block and next time you can go to the police. Sometimes with harassment usually you have to "prove" it's unwanted I.e. a message saying to stop, at least that's what the police advised my friend recently

Thankyou for taking the time to send me that information.

Wait, did you post on Mumsnet about the bum-smacking incident at the time? I remember that thread. He really hurt you if I remember correctly.

OP, he assaulted you on the date and now he’s harassing you.

I would report, it’s been going on months, although it’s not constant, he’s targeting you on days like valentines and birthday then trying to make you feel guilty but saying it’s not nice to speak to him, he knows what he’s doing and who knows if he remains harmless apart from the psychological torture, he may well be already known for stalking. Put a screen caller on your phone also.

Yes BauhausOfEliott I did write in at the time , but if memory serves correct it was a light hearted thread about what has given you the ick on a date .
No it’s wasn’t malicious, I mean he didn’t mean to hurt me , I’m not being naive, he thought it was so funny , this is what I mean , it’s like he doesn’t realise how people are supposed to behave .
He’d remind you of someone left loose , so to speak for the day !
This was him though, this was his personality .
Leaving the coffee place that eve , he flung his arms around me , not in a creepy , needy way , like a Will Ferrell in Elf !, not kidding !
So now thinking back on the dates , I feel it’s just not getting through to him , me not wanting to chat to him .
It’s like there’s a block there .
He can’t understand it , that’s why I’m getting these “ that’s not very nice “ messages .
I was probably overthinking everything, like I was saying to myself ,” normal people don’t do stuff like this “, They don’t either , it’s just probably not sinister at the same time .
I hope now this will be the end of it ..

I'm glad you're feeling better about it today OP, but I'd still encourage you to report the behaviour. Hopefully he'll leave you alone, but he may also move on to another 'victim'. Your report may help someone else who hasn't had the strength to ask him directly to stop, as well as provide useful evidence if he does contact you again, or it escalates in any way.

How much older than you is this guy?

Can you get a new number?

The slapping the backside makes me think he's an older man.
If there is a 10+ year gap between you I would be more concerned as he could have previous form in stalking young women.

Perhaps you could ask police to check into his background to see if he has come to their attention before for similar activities or domestic abuse etc.

I am 50 & he is 49 or 50 aswel , can’t properly remember but he’s one of the other .