Is this abusive behaviour?

[Anon63695]

Couple has an argument, then one partner (let's call them A) decides to ban the other's (B) phone from the home WiFi access.

B notices this and asks A why they have done it and can they unrestrict it.

A ignores B whilst continuing to use a device which is connected to the WiFi.

B then disconnects all of the wires into the router so A also can't use the WiFi.

B claims that A is abusive for restricting the WiFi to their phone then ignoring requests to reinstate it.

A claims that B removing the wires from the router was a disproportionate retaliation which could have messed up the Internet connection to the home completely and is therefore in the wrong.

I'd like opinions on this please! Thanks

Why has A restricted B’s access?

It sounds horribly childish.
Unless A is a parent and restricting a teen from using the Internet unsafely A sounds a twat.

Is this an argument about who pays the bills and B pays the broadband bill?!

I don't know if it is abusive but it is certainly controlling and very childish. every couple have disagreements but this doesn't sound like the sort of person I would want to be in a relationship with.

I don't know if it is abusive but it is certainly controlling and very childish. every couple have disagreements but this doesn't sound like the sort of person I would want to be in a relationship with.

Of course it's abusive. No adult in the family has the right to restrict their partner's internet access like this.

Both pay the bills including broadband equally.

During the argument B had complained about placement of the router and cables and A was upset about that, but this wasn't the main subject of the argument.

They both sound immature and controlling to me.

It sounds like a relationship which is over. Personally I couldn’t be in a relationship where one person was exercising control and the other felt they had to retaliate.

How childish this all is, assuming you’re B op, you must be exhausted with it all. A is, of course, primarily in the wrong.

I am B. I know that pulling out all of the cables wasn't necessarily the best move but it was out of frustration as I was being ignored.

I went to bed in the end, walked away from the argument as it escalated a bit after the router incident (not on my side, on my partner's). I had to put a sleep mask on to block the bedroom light as I wanted to sleep and he pulled it off my face and threw it across the bedroom because I was ignoring him.

I told him he was being abusive, and he said that I was being abusive because of the router cables and walking out of the argument then ignoring him (I.e. putting on sleep mask and headphones to try and get some sleep).

I'm at the point where I can't tell if I'm as bad as he is.

No you are not, based on this incident alone. Are there other incidents you want to discuss?

Yes A sounds potentially abusive- but more details needed (like are they both adults?)
All sounds like a toxic situation and they should probably split up

Im generally of the thought "if you are asking if its abusive/controlling, then it likely is and your seeking validation"

My ex cut off the plug to the tumble dryer as I was just lazy by not hanging it on airer. Bigger picture was there was 2/3 loads and id ran out of airer space.

He dispised it when I rewired the plug being the incompetent female that I am, so he cut the wire so it didnt reach the socket.

Yes, both adults.

He did also bang on the bathroom door until I unlocked it so he could tell me about having apparently ruined the Internet connection, then turn the light off and hold the light switch cord out of my reach.

I told him to be quiet because our children were sleeping nearby.

He's ok most of the time but every now and then it's like something flicks a switch in his mind - he'll get upset about something small that we disagree on and blow it up into a massive argument in which I can barely get a word in edgeways. Then this sort of behaviour starts, and if I tell him he's being abusive he says that I am abusive because I don't listen to him etc.

I usually get to the point where I walk away from it (or at least try to) but he won't often just accept that and let it cool off.

Thinking about it, probably the worst thing is that I usually get to the point of just stopping responding or agreeing to get some peace. He tends to rant for a long time once something has got his back up, barely lets me reply and interrupts when I try to.

It was obvious you were B from the start - being that you are here on the internet and all 😆

You can't just cut someone's communication off. I would say that is purposefully isolating them. Many say that isolating someone is abusive.

Ah but he would argue that I still had a connection because of my phone data.

Haha I thought it might be obvious, but then I also wanted to see whether people thought that my disconnecting the router would be bad without (hopefully) being biased.

You need to find out how to 'block and unblock' phones from using your router. Then at least he can't do it and you not fix it back.

He sounds immensely childish and really rather pathetic. I don't think I could stand to be around someone like that.

This is really not good. It’s abusive and he’s gaslighting you.
You need to make a plan to get your DC away from this.
What is your home/financial situation? Do you have access to your own money?

@Anon63695 A started it and B retaliated to that controlling behaviour .

Read the short thread fully!

You are both abusive to each other. It’s to be hoped you behave better in front of your kids

@Anon63695 id this person your kids father ? If not ask him to leave .
He controls internet access as a punishment, he demands a bathroom door open . Knows no boundaries .
He is a controlling nasty twat . It’s no wonder you retaliated . You’re not as bad.
Its known that in abusive relationships the other person ends up behaving out of character in response to the way they are being treated .

If he starts an argument or rant in front of the kids I try to shut it down / speak calmly. At the same time, I don't want them to think it's ok for someone to speak to their partner like that.

I do what I can to stop him shouting or banging and waking them up if the argument is late (vast majority are after they're in bed). Hence trying to shut it down however I can.