We (married with 3 DC, in our late 30s) had a bit of a pregnancy scare last month. We had agreed to have no more babies, even though I was initially sad to let go of my dream of having 4. I know DH is not mentally fit to cope with raising babies. There are other very good reasons, of course, but this one has helped me stay true to the decision we made a couple of years ago. So, in light of the very reasonable decision, we did have unprotected sex. I felt very anxious the next day, told him the timing might have been wrong. He just raged, told me I had made the decision, I am responsible, he knew it would come to this, because that's how our first child was conceived; I had tricked him into thinking we would not have babies while using the pull-out method, I made him a father without his consent etc etc. He yelled at me for several days, not constantly, of course, but a lot (until I asked him to just stop and leave me alone, to which he said he'll be glad to do that)
Turns out I'm not pregnant. What a relief! I was seriously considering leaving him and just raising the kids alone (might still do that, to be honest!) I am so mad at how much his words hurt me. He has no idea. He has just moved on as if nothing has happened.
Went to couples' therapy a few days ago. He mentioned again how we had not intended to have children when we conceived our first, that we were only establishing our relationship, essentially repeated the same "I made him have kids before he was ready and it was my fault" story. Said we hadn't even mentioned the word "baby" when I decided to fall pregnant. That was 12 years ago!!!
Now I can barely look at him, I feel so humiliated and hurt. I feel so much anger and shame it's almost unbearable. Absolutely too ashamed to ask anyone in my family or social circle for advice. Can anyone tell me how to cope?