I (49F) need advice after an event with my BF (44M). After 7 years together, he ate food from another woman’s plate, handed me her phone to take pics of them, and introduced me by first name only. How might others interpret this behavior, and what factors should be considered in understanding it?
We went to see one of his female high school classmates from 25 years ago. When we arrived, two other female classmates were already there that he didn't know would be there.
He introduced me by first name only - not as his girlfriend, and introduced them by first name and how he knew them. One of the women offered him food from her plate, and he was standing and reached over and ate it. Later, they asked him to take a photo all together, so he grabbed one of their phones, handed it to me and told me to take it. He was in the middle as they posed, and I took the photos.
Afterwards, the women said they didn’t like the photos and he told me I might have to take them again because they didn't like it but instead of giving the phone back to me, they had a random guy take the picture again. The way they were angle required me to get out of my seat and step aside so that I wouldn't be sitting with my drink in the back of the photo.
I did share my concerns and he told me that that I'm insecure and have issues. He said that he didn't do anything wrong and that's what people do in social settings. He said he noticed in the moment that I was having a reaction but he chose to continue what he was doing anyway.
For context these are women that he's seen at different occasions (funerals, high school reunion) over the years. He's never made any mention of them to me until that particular moment.
His female co-workers call him on his personal phone at 9pm at night to talk and vent with him about work issues to which he says is no big deal as well because a lot of people rely and depend on him.
His son also said a while ago that, "Dad loves the ladies because he's always on the phone laughing and making them laugh." I asked what his son meant and he said he was just talking with his female co-workers after work.
It's not just that one isolated event, I question what boundaries, if any that he has with other women because they have a lot of access to him regardless of the time of day. Me asking questions only results in him being defensive, avoiding and responsibility, shifting all blame to me, and shutting down.
I'm not accusing him of anything and have no issues with him having friends, or a social life. I'd just like my thoughts to be heard even if he disagrees or even if I am in the wrong.