Why is the bar so fucking low?!

[Cuppatealover]

I'm trying and failing miserably in the dating game.
Obviously I know not all men are the same. There are good ones out there but seemingly impossible to find.
The bar is so low in terms of expectations and willingness to put in an ounce of effort. Chats on online dating either fizzle quickly as they don't seem to want to or are unable to maintain a conversation. If they do, it very quickly turns to explicit chat and I would say it's 9 times out of 10 this way.
A bold statement, but at the age or 33, nearly 34, I'm starting to really dislike a lot of men and have completely lost faith in finding a life-long partner.
This isn't uncommon for my single friends either. I hear to same things time and time again from their experiences too.
Even friends who I would consider to be in good relationships tell me about their partners/husbands and how they are e.g. moody if not having regular sex (something I've also experienced in relationships), not pulling their weight with the children/housework etc. Is this where we've really got to? Where you find a decent one then it turns to shit anyway with women once again baring the responsibilities whilst being expected to basically be thrilled when men want them for sex?! Cause it's all they seem to want!
Absolutely burnt out with it and reaching the end of my tether when I feel I'm putting effort in and it isn't reciprocated. I've stopped messaging men who aren't very communicative. Then of course the conversations just stop if I'm not initiating. I've stopped being even the slightest bit flirty/giving compliments as it just turns to sex talk. Then again, any communication just stops. Are there any men out there who actually want a relationship and don't just think about getting their leg over 23 hours of the 24 in a day! I should mention that these men I am "speaking" with are on dating apps. Clearly they aren't meant for "dating".

@Tiedbutchorestodo My now husband was early 40s when we met. I had kids (older and shared care) but my personal preference was to meet someone who didn't have any. I recognised that was really narrowing down my search, but I stayed firm. We'd both been married in our 20s (the same year in fact) before.

Tbh men in their 50’s and 60’s are no better. Too many of them still think they’re players and fuckboys chasing women 20 years their junior. Or they’re looking for a nurse with a purse to cook clean and wipe their arse as they head towards their dotage.

Its no surprise that the fastest growing group who are single by choice is women over 50 - we’ve done our years looking after everyone else and now it’s time to put ourself first.

I think OLD is awful. I would concentrate on trying to meet new people in real life through hobbies, sports, friends, work, holidays...

I tried online dating for a while in my 60s looking fot 65+ as younger men seemed so immature.
Basically they were looking for a maid of all work, a cook, my pension and my house and all of them had weird sex stuff going on like BDSM and worse.
One even spent the whole date ogling very young women.
None of them could hold an interesting conversation that wasnt about sex or talked exclusively about themselves and their boring lives.
Ive given up. They all made me feel grubby.

To be fair, lots of the married and cohabiting ones are also rubbish ones. <Eyes the domestic abuse rates> Horrible men don't seem to have too much trouble coupling up.

I don't think it's quite as black and white as to say that 100% of decent men are married by their 30s and the only men single after that are rejected scumbags. Seems a pretty high rate of married scumbags around.

I think the problem is more the incidence of scumbags in the male population.

Although, yes, once decent men have found a decent partner they're less likely to become single again unless the partner dies. But domestic abusers can become widowers too.