Should I Leave my Gambler Partner?

[Daffodil9911]

Partner/Boyfriend of 6 years. Both in our mid 40s. Never proposed. Single mum of a teen. Over the years my partner had various issues from drinking too much, gambling, spending too much time with his friends on weekends, staying out all night occasionally, especially when i went on holiday with my daughter, standing me up on his birthday as too drunk to remember we had to meet at this particular restaurant.

Anyway, I always got to forgive him, but after having found eur200 worth of gambling tickets in the bin , bought in the space of a week, I said 'that's enough now' . No wonder he always ran out (probablyto betting shops), almost straight out of bed on some weekend mornings when we were supposed to spend quality time together, constantly staring at football scores on his phone during meals and while were watching TV. He lives with me rent free as I pay my own mortgage and wanted to keep it that way. Couldn't risk him ever not being able to pay his half of the mortgage due to his bad spending habits.He just pays rest of bills like groceries and electricity.
It's his birthday tomorrow and he's wanting us to go out for a meal to spend some quality time together which we haven't done in ages. I said that it's not a good idea since I'm seriously thinking about asking him to leave after I found those tickets plus he refused to pay for some groceries I had just bought on same day he bought tickets.
Had already asked him to move out last week but he wouldn't accept it So my question is : am I being irrational not going out for his birthday and wanting to split up when he says that he'll stop gambling?

I’d end it. It doesn’t sound like much of a relationship.

Was married to someone who was like that, and he dragged our little family though hell financially, like you I kept thinking his reasons were reasonable, made sense so I kept myself and DC in this unhealthy setting. Mostly out of fear that I would not make it in the big wide world without a partner in it.

The reason I left was sue to ex gambling, drinking and lying turned into emotional abuse, so here is my advise, your DD is watching you and your DP and taking unconscious notes into her own future. Better teach her the value of you, and leave the man. He may throw you the proposal ones you leave him, so you got to be strong and know he has had plenty of time to change.

Your DP makes a conscious decision on his gambling, his lies, and the rest that comes with it, they are conscious decisions, he chooses this. Please value yourself more than this. Or he will financially ruin you.

I am surprised you have stayed with this loser for so long. You deserve better. Anyone that truly valued and loved you would not be addicted to so many vices. You have no future with this person. I really don't understsnd why you need to ask, as its glaringly obvious this person is a walking red flag of relationship misery and woe.

I would have dumped him long ago 🤷‍♀️

What does he bring to your life? You call him a “partner”, but this is no partnership if you have to keep finances and lifestyle separate because he can’t be trusted around money or be trusted to keep his word more generally. You don’t share children, a house, or a joint life. I know it must feel hard to let the relationship you thought you had go from an emotional perspective, but in terms of the logistics, it’s the right thing for you to do to end things and make a clean break, whatever he tries to promise.

He will crawl over your corpse to put another bet on.

I dated a gambler a few years ago and it was the worst thing I ever did.

Get rid of him.

Once a gambler nearly always will stay a gambler..my biggest mistake was staying with someone who promised over and over he would change, the final straw when he took the last £10 out of my purse that was meant to buy baby milk, kicked him out and never looked back

Your poor daughter. Imagine living her life. I’d say she can’t wait to escape.

Please end this. Give him notice. Take legal advice if he refuses to leave. It's your house and he has never paid one penny towards the mortgage. Stand firm.

From your thread title alone my answer would be yes.

Having read further I have to wonder why the fuck you would waste any energy on maintaining a relationship with this waste of space.

Think about your daughter. What are you teaching her here?

You know what to do so just do it.

Not much of a catch is he? Surprised you've put up with his shit as long as you have, I'd have thrown his sorry arse out of the door a looong time ago

He's not going to change and nor is he going to leave voluntarily, life's too good and easy. Bin him

Why are you putting your poor daughter through this shit just to hang on to this waste of space cocklodger?

Think of the example you’re setting her about what a low bar to accept and tell him to go.

Why have you at all put up with his excessive drinking and gambling problems?. Did you see similar as a child?. What do you get out of this relationship now?.

What do you want to teach your teen about relationships and what is she learning here?. Do you not think she has suffered enough through your poor choice of man?. He’s dragging you and your daughter down with him. Both this man and you have let her down abjectly. You have a choice re this man and she does not.

Yes

He doesn’t want to leave you say ? (Because he will have to find the funds to pay rent)
Tell him its not working for you. Dont waste your energy trying to explain or defend your position , he already knows.

Well said.

OP, as soon as I saw your thread title I said “Yes, leave him”. And that was before reading all his other dreadful habits. He is a dead weight on you and a bad person to have around your teenager.

Would u want your daughter to be with same as him?? Then why is he good enough for you?
get him to fuck out of your lives. You know this is the correct answer. Don’t let him use and abuse you . Your worth way more and do is ur child. Give him a birthday to remember and get him gone.

yes. i knew from just reading the thread title!!

I think you should give him he helps with the bills. But i think counselling and addiction therapy is needed for his habit. The relationship has work to needed but it holds alot of promise. He seems very supportive and considerate, just addicted to gambling. You can work through that with him.

Only read the first paragraph. That was enough

The best birthday present you could give him is for you to change your locks and not give him a key.
'Had already asked him to move out last week but he wouldn't accept it ' - he doesn't get a choice !

100% end it. Just read how unhappy you are and look at his list of wonderful habits 😒

Don’t believe him when he says he’ll stop gambling. He won’t. He probably doesn’t even want to.
i don’t care if it’s his birthday, don’t feel guilty about it (or allow him to make you feel bad about it) and don’t let it weaken your resolve. If you relent because it’s his birthday, there will be something the next day why you “can’t” or “shouldn’t” break up with him. And the next day. And the next.

No birthday meal, he just packs his stuff and off he trundles. Where he goes is his own problem, of his own making, not yours.

Long overdue a breakup, leave and dont look back.