Sorry in advance for the long post! I’ve worked in a male dominated company for 10 years - been WFH for the past 2 years due to office closures. For the 8 years spent in the office my normal day to day working life was conversing round the coffee machine with mainly male colleagues, going out for lunches together etc. Since WFH we all regularly talk about how we miss the social element of going to the office & look forward to events like work conferences where we can all catch up. I’ve always got on really well with one of my male colleagues in particular & he’s become what I’d class as a mate.
I’ve had a serious illness for the past year & every few months he will send me a text to check how I am & tell me some work related gossip to give me a laugh. He’s about 15 years my senior & I’ve spent 10 years hearing about his lovely family holidays, talking about kids, exchanging advice about work & building a friendship. He suggested we meet for a coffee about 6 months ago - it was great to see him & brought back that sense of office camaraderie. He said it was reassuring that I was doing so well considering my diagnosis & that it would be nice to check in again one day to see how I was getting on. So the months have passed, a couple of funny work related messages have been exchanged in between & we decided to go for coffee again.
My partner has hit the roof. He said that it’s incredibly weird to meet up with a male colleague twice in a year & I’m being blind to what’s going on. He’s effectively saying my colleague, or my friend should I say, is grooming me & that men only ever want one thing. I was completely gutted that my partner reacted like this but even worse I am now doubting myself. My work mate & I have travelled all round the world as part of a bigger team for years. We had worked in an office for all of those years too & have spent goodness knows how many coffee breaks & lunchtimes together. Surely if he had some grand plan to woo me, something very obvious would have cropped up over the last 10 years, right?! There has never been any behaviour from him that is remotely untoward but I’m now sat here questioning my own sanity. I know it’s an age old question, but can men & women be platonic friends?! I firmly believe they can but my partner is livid & is acting as if we’ve had a decade long affair! Can a male work colleague of 10 years sincerely care about their female co-worker who has had a rough year? I know if it was the other way round I’d be really worried about him & want to check in, as I would with a handful of other colleagues. Am I deluded?!