Those in relationship for 10+ years

[NeatSeal]

Do you have sort of relationship where you would say it’s got electric spark and you’re so excited to see each other or would you say it’s more like a safe type of relationship where it’s not that exciting but it’s stable and you know what you’ve got?

There’s a deeply comfortable, satisfying bass beat, accompanied by moments of delight that I’m so lucky.

Don't get me wrong, we’ve had difficult periods but our central tenet is that we’re on the same team.

I would say for me it’s not either or. We’ve been together a long time, married, have two very young children together and I would say he is both my safe place and my excitement, I look forward to him coming home and vice versa, we are still very affectionate and fancy each other, we love each other very much, we know we always have each other.

We have our first date night since having our second baby and we are both so so excited to have that time as just husband & wife, not mum & dad, that spark is definitely still there for us!

Neither. It's great. We have over 30 years of shared life, a lot of adventures and trials, and a fabulous teenager -- and lots of good stuff still to come. I don't think it's particularly easy to explain it to someone who hasn't had a long, satisfying relationship, but it's not 'fizzing and butterflies' versus 'staid and unexciting'.

I would say we have never had that "spark" and excitement but he is the first person I want to speak to when I have good news and bad news. He is the person that I want to hold me when I'm feeling sad and dance with me when I'm happy. I buy foods that I don't particularly like but he loves.

We have never been ones for big romantic gestures just small little things that say I see you, I love you and I want the best for you.

Another one with neither. It's a solid partnership, we have each other's backs and are the first person we go to with anything, and then every so often we do something fun and exciting.

Mostly it's just really satisfying rather than fizzling. Never boring!

Safe and comfortable for me- but with lots of conversation and lots of humour. He is my best friend and he knows me better than anyone else does. We make each other laugh every day and find plenty to talk about and that’s so important to me. If that ever changed, I might not want to stay in the relationship.

I haven’t had butterflies for a long time- but about anything, not just my partner. I also don’t feel lust towards anyone else so I know I’m not ‘missing out’. Those kinds of feelings just don’t really exist for me at this age/stage of my life. I remember them fondly but accept that my life is different now. I’m a very different person at nearly 50 than I was at 20.

We’ve been together 28 years and married for 23.

It’s a mix, but if I was totally honest I would say as we’ve got older it’s more of the latter. We’ve been together 30 years and I’m always really pleased to see him when he gets home from work, and miss him like mad if he’s away.

As others have said, it's neither.
I miss him when he's away and love him coming back. Being with him is the best thing. He is my absolute rock. It's such a cliche but true.
We have adventures together, hang out doing nothing together. Home is where he is.

We've been together 34 years😲😲

He’s everything to me after more than 30 years together. ❤️

Not electric but not just "safe" either. A warm happy love.

Both? We're very rarely apart but when we are we're excited to be back together. We're also very stable and trust each other 100%. Safe =/= boring.

Both for me. It’s exciting, I get butterflies and feel the spark. I also feel safe, loved, and secure.

When I think there's no spark, I have moments where we're maybe meeting up somewhere and I'm so excited and happy to see him....like that rush of love you get in the early days.

It's like a comfortable pair of old slippers and your favourite dressing gown.

I've been with DH for 20 years this year, we got together as kids and we're in our 30s now. There is still a huge spark - the distracting, can't-do-anything-productive kind of spark that is hard to control. Obviously when the kids were little we didn't have as much energy but the electricity has always been there and as we have got more of our independence back we are right back to tearing each other's clothes off the moment we are alone. I still get the excited lump in my throat when I know we're about to be alone.

We also have that deep love, stability and shared history that makes our chemistry even more intoxicating than it was when we were teens. We've got through some extremely hard times and we are the very best of friends - we work well together, we are strong together and we're so proud of our little family. Just yesterday, DH made me cry with a text that was so beautiful and romantic.

I feel extremely lucky. ❤️

Safe. With occasional short periods of having the spark back. Long term relationships need work and you need to ride out the highs and lows. Them periods of the spark coming back feel very good, I definitely prefer the safe most of the time with occasional sparks to the intensity in new relationships, it just feels more special knowing you've made it this far and can still get those feelings.

My Dh is my absolute rock. We have been together for 14 years, married for 12. He is my best friend, he works so hard to provide for our family and would do anything for us. 100 % we still have a spark, I'm more attracted to him now then I ever have been.

I would also say both . We’ve been together since 1985 , married in ‘89 , 2 adult children , I’m extremely fortunate to have found him .

Ive been with my DH for just over 30yrs now. Its cliche, but he's my best friend.

We've been through a lot, and he even saved my life once.

Theres isnt that sexual spark anymore, but we are very happy.

Together over 30 years, no children. We are in our 60s and currently going through probably the most difficult time in our lives (elderly relatives, a sibling with a terminal diagnosis, illness ourselves, financial issues) and I'm so glad we have each other. A solid hug at the end of difficult days is worth any number of hearts and flowers.

These are lovely descriptions. I agree with so many of them. More than a decade now with DP, my second longterm partner. Like @honeylulu said 'Not electric but not just "safe" either. A warm happy love.' I feel lucky.

Our relationship is so much better and more satisfying than the decade I spent with Ex'D'H bc obviously, not all longterm relationships work. Some will be in the process of collapsing. But I don't think those people are posting. (I wish I'd ended it with Ex'D'H way, way earlier)

Bit of both... been tougher 25 ish years. Still a spark but also warm, comforting stability...

But there is also resentment, annoyance, familiarity, laughter, admiration, respect and occasionally utter disgust!

Been with DH for 13 years, three kids (12, 5 and nearly 2). It feels wonderfully safe and comfortable. He’s the person I feel most at ease with and I am always happier when he’s around.

It’s not constant butterflies but that sounds exhausting all the time.

No, although in my less harried moments I do look at him and fancy him. I’ve aged a lot since we met 18 years ago, more than he has. I’m not sure how much he “fancies” me anymore. But we do have a deep connection based on a similar intellect, interests and sense of humour. That’s what our love is based on. I’m in perimenopause and have a lot of joint pain and zero desire and tiring young children (one ND) which means the bedposts is quiet these days, and I don’t want us to drift into dead bedroom.

Neither of us are very easy people. We’ve been through tricky times. I hope we’ll go the distance (together 18 years, married 8, two kids) but I couldn’t tell you for certain we will. Who knows what lies ahead.

Nearly 40 years together. Our children are all grown up and left home and we are back on our own as we were in the beginning. Our relationship is certainly different than it was 40 years ago, more comfortable and less chaotic, I think our relationship is now the best it’s ever been. He still makes me laugh more than anyone else I’v ever know but can also annoy me, more than anyone else. I’v never wanted to be with anyone else and neither has he.