Those in relationship for 10+ years

[NeatSeal]

Do you have sort of relationship where you would say it’s got electric spark and you’re so excited to see each other or would you say it’s more like a safe type of relationship where it’s not that exciting but it’s stable and you know what you’ve got?

Safe, comfortable and we still have a spark.

I asked the husband and he said the second one. Married 14 years, he is over 50. But if I am more excited about something, you know what, without him telling me to be excited, would be a little bit more exciting

35 years married, he makes me happy. I smile when I see him, he meets me from work some days & I feel like a teenager going on a date.

The older I get, the more I appreciate that deep love is the steady rhythm of a good life we've built together. Dp is my best friend, and I'm acutely aware of how lucky I am to be with him. I wouldn't say there's fireworks but we enjoy spending time together, he's my favourite person.

Nearly 18 years and...
It's steady. Occasionally really good fun but mainly (a bit dull and) steady but that's ok too. Neither one of us are party animals anymore.

I always look forward to seeing him though and we've been living apart for a few nights a week for the last 8 months. Can't wait to see him each week, then after a day or two remember that he has annoying habits and look forward to him going again, weirdly followed by sadness when he closes the door! Thing is, we are there for each other if and when needed and I really appreciate that and we can make each other laugh a lot.

Over 40 years here and not so much a spark but more a happy contented buzz with the occasional power surge.

We are best friends, always on each other's side and have been there for each other through four decades of life's ups and downs. It's safe as houses and I am always excited to see him, even when I wake up in the morning and he's been lying right there all night.

Together 15 years, 3 kids including a baby. Not "safe", still a bit volatile, definitely had a desperate need to jump into bed with him last weekend. But I also don't really have any doubt we'll be together for the rest of our lives. And since we met, I've not found any other man anywhere near as attractive. Sometimes can't quite believe my luck when I look at him. Sometimes want to throttle him. Always want to have sex with him. And we have such a good laugh together, even during some really, really shit times.

40 years next year. It's safe, warm and utterly joyful. He's my best friend and I trust him completely.

Ahhh - this is a lovely thread to read! I was married for 20 years and unfortunately it wasn't a great relationship. But I'm really hoping to meet someone and have a relationship like a lot of you have described - with a spark, being best friends and feeling safe with each other through the ups and downs of life. It's nice to read the positive stories!

Together since university years almost 2 decades now, married 13+ years. Anyone expecting the electric buzz of the first year and the pink clouds is simply delusional, that is not how things work, things inherently evolve. Two people, two bodies, two minds - as they spend time together they get more accustomed to each others' individual traits, in an ideal world, they are getting better at being a unit, like two pieces of puzzle being chiseled more and more to complete each other. There will be ups and lows (and i don't necessarily mean something dramatic that needs to be forgiven, but stuff like - momentary dip in finances, or maybe reduced quality time as the couple has children...)
Having said that:
Our relationship with my wife is like the food I'd pick if I could only have one meal for the rest of my life. It's something I could never get bored of, there is always immense pleasure in it, it is comfortable because I know it very well, but I still love every bit of it. It balances out - I love going on dates with her still, I love our conversations and dumb jokes, I love it when we solve a problem, each of us bringing our own strengths in, love seeing the world with her, holding her hand, or looking at each other with an awkward face when one of our children does something silly, it is a comforting constant in my life.. It's peace, basically. And then there's intimacy, now that's when we still have the sparks. We are not blind to each others' flaws, we don't see each other through rose-tinted glasses, but it does make our heart pound harder as we pleasure each other. It is not boring, it is something I actively look forward to.. Combining the excitement of intimacy with the peace of the well-oiled machine that is our lives, I think it makes for a healthy combination. It works for us.

Both - the security and safety of coming home to your best friend, the genuine excitement of seeing him at the end of the day and wanting to talk to him about everything. The electric, 'start of the relationship' feeling isn't there 24/7 now, but we're very affectionate and still fancy each other, and sometimes it happens in unexpected moments like no time has passed at all - I saw him spot me coming down the escalator when I was meeting him at the shopping centre recently and his whole face lit up and I got the butterflies feeling, that was nice. Or when he comes for an unexpected kitchen counter snog while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil.

After 25 years, I would say, so comfortable and easy, someone who I trust 100% and I know has my back and vice versa, which is a really good feeling, with moments of excitement when I feel 25 again.

This is such a beautiful thread - it should be in Classics!

We've been together for 45 years and he's the love of my life - together since we were 21 (me) and 19 (him). We've had our ups and downs but we both think the other is hilarious and we've laughed our way through our life. He's my rock and I'm his. As you age there's the sadness that you know at some time one of you will go, but we're making sure we make the most of every moment we have together, whether it's going on holiday or just sitting together cheating our way through the 1% club.

Married 19 years, we still fancy each other hugely and are very comfortable and caring about each other. Currently going through a tough patch due to work and money, and family problems on my side but I know we’ll come through it together. He is very lucky!!!

To my absolute surprise we have been together over 30 years , i never imagined myself in a long term relationship.
We really haven't had any bad patches , just the odd blip in the past usually over money ,short lived.
I am totally myself with him ,i trust him and from the beginning had a strong sense of safety with him, i am my own person and not needy at all but i get comfort from that feeling.
It's not all romance he does annoy me at times ,he is impatient and i point that out to him and what a twonk he can be ,he accepts it and never holds a grudge.
I wish he could show his emotions more especially to our adult kids but he never had that as a child and i know he finds that difficult but his actions speak volumes and that's good enough for me.
He is a silver fox and we have a spark after all this time.
I'm glad we belong to each other, there will never be anyone else for me.

42 years together, and a bit of both

25 years. We make each other laugh every day, love talking about everything under the sun, huge warmth and affection. Probably not much excitement, but we're ok with that.

I’d say we lean on each other without realising how much. We are totally codependent.

So we can take each other for granted a bit during the day to day run of the mill stuff, but as soon as one of us isn’t around for a weekend or something we crave each other and want to be back together and genuinely feel excited to see each other.

Oh and been together since late teens and we’re mid 40’s now.

With kindness, your OP is a rather immature view of relationships.

We’ve been together for 35 years. He is my best friend, he is the love of my life. We can chat all day and long into the night and love spending time together. We are looking forward with enthusiasm to retirement in the next ten years because we’ll have even more time together.

Relationships take work and commitment, it’s not fairy tale, fireworks and then straight to years of boredom- at least not if you marry the right person and work hard to maintain your relationship.

25 years. It’s a deep, safe, comfort, and the security of knowing you always have each others backs. It’s having a laugh and a joke, being able to communicate with just a look. Having long walks with deep conversations. Still fancy each other.
We are at the age where most of the fizzing and bubbling results from one or other of use having indigestion!
With my upbringing and previous relationship experience I had no idea it was possible to have a normal, supportive relationship like this with normal ebbs and flows.
ill fetch a bucket…..

14 years and still find myself perving 🤣

20 years. Deeply wonderfully comfortable and safe with lots of laughter and flirting. I'm so lucky. It's not all roses, but i know we can get through anything, we've already been through a lot and we pulled together as a team and made it work.

Both. Been together for 18 years (married for 15). He still gives me butterflies…not necessarily all the time as life gets in the way but we undoubtedly still fancy each other. We have two children together and no family support nearby which makes it more challenging to focus time on being a couple but, on the whole, we are happy. He infuriates me at times but I know I don’t want to be without him. He’s not perfect, I am not perfect, but we are learning to love each other including our flaws. We are very lucky. I could be wrong but, anyone who paints long term relationships as being without their challenges is lying. We have had our challenges, I am sure we will again, but we are both committed and willing to do what’s necessary to have a nice life together.

I feel safe and comfortable in my relationship. I’ve been with DH 40yrs and married 34yrs. My feelings for him have changed in the last 34yrs, the lust and butterflies have gone. I do love him deeply and miss him if he has to go away on business and look forward to him coming home.

He’s my best friend and it’s only the two of us, we laugh lots and communicate well. When I’m out with girlfriends I look forward to going home.