Those in relationship for 10+ years

[NeatSeal]

Do you have sort of relationship where you would say it’s got electric spark and you’re so excited to see each other or would you say it’s more like a safe type of relationship where it’s not that exciting but it’s stable and you know what you’ve got?

Lovely thread

30 years

A cross between a safe comfortable blanket that feels warm and enveloping and then the odd spark with butterflies.

We don't get excited to see each other.
But there's still a real spark, and chemistry.

Come again?

30 yrs. I like DelurkingAJ's description of it as deeply comfortable. That chimes with how I feel. Very secure and reliable. A source of comfort, appreciation, love and humour. There's spark some of the time but it's not the same as the spark initially - there isn't the same frisson as when I was younger. I think thats at least as much about being older as it is about being together for a long time.

Both. Neither. After 30 years it's been everything and anything.

19 years together and he is my absolute rock. He is my safe place, security, best friend, biggest cheerleader, he has my back through thick and thin and I couldn’t imagine a life without him. This connection isn’t about butterflies it’s so much more and deeper and hard to put into words but it’s the best feelings in the world and something I hope my children have in their future.

Nearly 2 decades together, 10+ married. He is my safe place, I feel safe in the relationship but also get excited that he's coming home, I look forward to getting into bed and him cuddling in. The spark is still there, although it's different to those first days when we needed to be all over each other as soon as we were alone.

It's exciting and safe and passionate and comfortable. It's the best.

We’ve been together over forty years, married for 42. We are very codependent which has got worse since retirement. We’ve moved a lot so we have depended on each other and friendships have been largely transitory.
I felt safe with him from the beginning. It felt comfortable and easy. We have the same sense of humour, lots of shared interests, enjoy doing the same things. We like the same people.
The trouble is it’s too easy not to put the work in on other relationships . I dread the day one of us dies.

You still have the ability to widen your circle, if this is a fear you have.

A mixture of both. We still really fancy each other and have the spark but we're best friends and he's the person I'm most comfortable around and who's company I'd choose over others. Parenting and life challenges, I believe has made us stronger even though we do sometimes argue. I love him to bits.

Been married over 30 years. Had many years of true love, great sex and being best friends. However peri opened my eyes to things that weren’t ok actually. Thought many times about divorce but ultimately stayed for financial security, company and having someone to care for me if I need it.

been together twenty years, very exciting and passionate for the first few years. Then it settled into something more comfortable, we get on we’ll have similar ideas and values. We enjoy each other’s company, we have really difficult times (external stuff) so our life can be hard but we get through it together. We still have the spark too.

Yes, will definitely work on this.

My husband works away so we’ve got the best of both. It feels safe, secure and stable but then there’s that spark when he comes home

My wife and I have been together for just over 10 years. She's my safe space and I'm hers (my sister once referred to her as my 'security blanket'), but to me that's exciting, not boring. I'm always excited to see her whenever we've been apart, however briefly.

Been married 12 years, together 16 - since we were teenagers. It’s not electric like it was when we first started seeing each other but that comes down to being comfortable. But he’s the first person I look for in every room, I miss him when he isn’t here.. he’s just started working away again and although I hate it when he’s away, I get so excited to see him when he’s home. His mother has our kids once a month (she’s our only baby sitter and she’s a lifesaver) and we make a point of planning a really good date night. It hasn’t always been like this, we did live away with his job for years and didn’t have anyone around us at all, when he went away for work I was alone hundreds of miles away from any support network but then Covid we were living together 24/7 and we argued like mad, nearly split because we weren’t used to being together all that time. I am comfortable and we are stable but he can still excite me from time to time and me him xx

10 years together, I think a mixture of both.

Most days, its work, sorting the kids, housework, so can be mundane.

But I always look forward to him coming home, when I am away or out I wish I was with him. He does annoy be of course but as many have said he is my best friend. Still think he is super attractive.

I lost my first partner when I was very young so to have met someone after years alone, never thinking it would happen to me again, I am very grateful for him everyday. He is the loveliest, kindest man. I adore him!

My husband (40) is my (38) favourite person to be around, he’s funny, affectionate, and we love each other deeply. We love spending our time together. Together 10 years and now have a baby on the way ❤️

The exciting part of relationship should be the early stage, once it goes into the stable stage, its faithfulness and not partner with partner but husband and wife.

It's exciting in a different way once you get to "real" rather than just lust.

We're retired now and it's still both we've started having afternoon sex dates although we've never lost that spark but with menopause and prostate ops it's been challenged. We have a really fun playful relationship and always have each other's back the early years we used to have huge rows and strops but we seem to have learnt how not to do that and how to listen. We've supported each other through grief illness joy and stress I can't imagine a day with out him and my heart lifts when he walks into the room.

The thing to remember is that most of the electric spark, butterflies in tummy stuff is hormonally driven. You are pumped full of dopamine and adrenaline.

If you are chasing a long term relationship that feels like that all the time, then it's just not possible. What you have to look at is what is left once the hormonal high has settled. Something deeper, more valuable.