Using my savings to fund maternity leave - what’s fair?

[maternitymoney1]

I’m looking for advice on managing finances during maternity leave please.

I’m pregnant and have just been made redundant, but once I’m on maternity I’ll be eligible for maternity allowance. My husband earns £6.4k take home each month. His outgoings including mortgage and bills are £3.5k, mine are £2.5k (he has 2 other children and pays maintenance).

He believes that whilst I’m on maternity leave he should contribute half of my mortgage/bills cost (£900) and I should use my savings for the rest. This would leave him with £2k left over each month whereas I would have a deficit of £1k before any other spending.

I have £20k more savings than him, so he thinks I should spend this first. I worry that when I return to work I’m likely to earn much less than him and I want access to the money I’ve saved.

He says there’s no such thing as ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ and that he will be happy to pay for more if I don’t have money to pay for things like holidays in the future - and I believe him. But he doesn’t actually want to combine finances.

What’s fair in this situation?

It doesn’t sound fair but then you’re referring to his outgoings and yours, so doesn’t sound like you’ve been combining money so far?

I think you need a joint house/family pot that you both have access to. I think your maternity money goes into the pot and he pays the rest of whatever is needed to keep your household going. I think your savings are kept separate.

Then tell him you will be invoicing for 50% costs of the childcare you will be doing for the baby.. Find out the going rate for your area and half that...
What an utter dick head...

There's 'no such thing as yours or mine', but he doesn't want to combine finances? That doesn't make sense.

No way! You shouldn't be expected to shoulder all the costs whilst on maternity leave with your shared baby. You aren't having a holiday. If he wants you to still share costs, I'd ask him to pay you for childcare costs. If he has so much spare each month, why doesn't he have much in the way of savings?

I agree with @Phonicshaskilledmeoff if he wants to keep finances separate.

He does have ample savings, just less than I do. Neither of us will struggle for money so I hesitated to post on this forum as I know we are fortunate.

We have always had separate finances but I thought that maternity leave would be a cost we share - I realise I was silly for not discussing this beforehand!

Why doesn’t he want to combine finances?
this is a huge red flag
sorry. He is viewing this as a transactional thing - what if you didn’t go back to work or were made redundant
why is he happy to leave you financially vulnerable / having to ask him for money? Is he controlling in other ways

It’s a hard one because I think you either have to go all in and combine finances here OR it’s separate, it’s hard to do a bit of both. You can’t really expect him to pay while not wanting to use your savings as that isn’t fair, that’s “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is also mine”. The fairest way really would be just all in one pot- including savings, all income into one pot and all out.

Aren't you sharing them though, if he is paying half of your half (so 2/4) and you pay half (so 1/4)?

Why do you have separate savings. What’s the plan for childcare and working and finances after your maternity leave ?

Sorry but doesn't it give you the ick that the man who supposedly cares about you most in the world would rather you burn through your savings than support you while you're on mat leave with his child?

No, he's being an arsewipe.

Why should you have to burn through your savings to take time off for a baby that belongs to both of you?

Well that works nicely for him. Did he do anything to help you get pregnant?

We have always had separate finances but I thought that maternity leave would be a cost we share

YOUR (JOINT) CHILDREN ARE A COST YOU SHARE!!!

Yes I am shouting.

Edited (a) to tone it down a bit and (b) to reassure OP that this is aimed at her DH, not her 🙂

Red flag behaviour.

OP did say she has been made redundant.

It is completely unfair that he ends up with disposable income and you have to use personal savings. Have you shown him the figures? If so, what does he say?

Remind him, it is his child you are gestating and looking after - he should be ensuring that you are not out of pocket. Are there joint savings you can draw on?

If you can afford the costs between you without using anyone’s savings then this is how it should be done. If savings are then needed as a top up this should be take from you equally.
Does he have an issue with you having more saved than him? How much of your savings does he think it’s fair to use? Is he thinking this is to even out your savings or does he expect you to keep going until you have none left?

I get the impression that you have left him to cover all of his outgoings and you have built up your own independent savings pot. Both of those things are fine but now it doesn’t suit you, it comes across that you want to change things to be beneficial to you.

Why don’t you agree you have one bank account and all money is paid in and out of it. That way it’s a joint household income and all outgoings are joint.

We used joint savings to cover shortfall whilst I was on maternity. I did use my own savings for some bits for myself but that's because we didn't have any other money for them.

For a START you shouldn’t be paying 50%!!! It should be worked out on pay and how much you get - BEFORE Maintainence etc is taken off! So he should be paying more like 89% of everything based on your salary

Invoice him for the cost of growing, gestating, giving birth to etc HIS BABY. That's got to be worth about 30 grand I reckon. You are making a whole human? Does he do anything remotely as impressive for his dosh?
I'm serious. This kind of stuff really pisses me off.

Thanks for responses so far. To answer some questions…

No he’s not controlling in other ways, this has come out of the blue for me.

The part I think is unfair is that I’m using my savings and he can comfortably afford his share out of salary. He is expecting that I live quite frugally so I only use the excess savings I have and at the end of maternity we’d have equal savings, this would leave us with very different disposable income amounts during maternity (£2k vs £500). I am happy to dip into my savings, but I think we should both be doing so.

I am also happy to combine finances and pool my savings but he doesn’t want to.

I found having seperate finances once children came along didn’t work. We ended up with a joint account that housed all of our wages split into bills, savings, family holidays ect. Then we had an equal ‘allowance’ each out of the money.

it doesn’t matter who earns more or less tbh. You both live under the same roof and are the parent of the same child. It’s just money now, money that keeps you and your family sheltered and fed