Using my savings to fund maternity leave - what’s fair?

[maternitymoney1]

I’m looking for advice on managing finances during maternity leave please.

I’m pregnant and have just been made redundant, but once I’m on maternity I’ll be eligible for maternity allowance. My husband earns £6.4k take home each month. His outgoings including mortgage and bills are £3.5k, mine are £2.5k (he has 2 other children and pays maintenance).

He believes that whilst I’m on maternity leave he should contribute half of my mortgage/bills cost (£900) and I should use my savings for the rest. This would leave him with £2k left over each month whereas I would have a deficit of £1k before any other spending.

I have £20k more savings than him, so he thinks I should spend this first. I worry that when I return to work I’m likely to earn much less than him and I want access to the money I’ve saved.

He says there’s no such thing as ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ and that he will be happy to pay for more if I don’t have money to pay for things like holidays in the future - and I believe him. But he doesn’t actually want to combine finances.

What’s fair in this situation?

If he was off work for whatever reason for the length of maternity leave with limited/no income would he expect to use his own savings to fund his share?
Would he be willing to take time off to look after your child with the potential career implications of that? If not, then he is asking you to take the financial risk while he protects his own position.
If you did not take maternity leave would he not have to contribute to childcare costs?
You do not have to pool your finances if you do not wish to but the current set up surely needs some flexibility when youre on maternity leave or if one of you falls ill or something else happens in life meaning income is impacted. Best wishes.

Why shouldn’t you keep your savings? He’s both keeping, AND ADDING TO his.

Having a child is a massive expense, but it should be a shared massive expense.

He's is taking the piss. If you left him he'd have to pay you around £1100 in CM and you wouldn't have to put up with his nonsense. Also CM isnt counted as imcome by UC so it souldnt impact any claime you made.

The fairest way to do things is that all money is pooled. Then everything is paid and whatever is left over is split equally. You shouldnt have to be draining your savings. You are meant to be a partnership. Why should you bare the financial burden of having the child, plus you aren't paying into your pension, you are not progressing in your career. You will be missing opportunities. While his life will remain the same.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in your expectations but when you are splitting costs and both using your own ‘pot’ this is how it naturally goes.

Im the higher earner but my husband is a high earner too. We each pay half towards bills (tho I cover all childcare as I earn more) and we have split savings. It works for us and is swings and roundabouts.

When on maternity leave I used savings (id specifically saved for that purpose) and DH contributed a bit more than he normally does.
if you’re planning to return to work I wouldn’t worry, if you’re not then it’s a different conversation entirely.

@Imbusytodaysorry they’re meant to be a team. For whatever reason, he earns more than her, and she has more savings than him. Suddenly, one of them has been made redundant, so their income has plummeted. Why should the shortfall be covered entirely by his income, while her (more than his) savings remains untouched?

To clarify, I have enough money to get to maternity leave, I’m not asking him for anything to cover that. This thread is about covering the cost of maternity leave itself.

At no point have I said savings should be untouched, but that costs should be split during this period.

It's his baby.

It's only an accident of birth that meant you were the one who bore the baby.

He should support you.

Anything short of his full support is barbaric.

Sometimes you only see why someone is a divorced father of young children when you have a baby with him.

Because she would not be taking mat leave if he hadn't impregnated her.

You’re in a vulnerable position not being able to seek new employment, the longer you’re out of the job market the harder it is. Your pension may be affected too.
if nothing changes, maybe think about going back to work much sooner than a year, and ask him to split the childcare.

I think if you split finances then what looks fair is treating your loss of earnings as the “cost” of maternity leave. So if your usual income less your maternity allowance is £3k then he gives you £1.5k, you pay your usual half of the bills and then you either accept you have less money OR you use savings to supplement your income.

If he wants to say he will pay half the costs for you since your earnings are reduced then on top of him covering half of your share of the existing shared bills he should cover half of your personal fixed bills (phone/car payment & similar) plus half of whatever child care will cost since you being off is the only reason that bill doesn’t exist.

If he wants to pool finances then it’s reasonable he takes the money to pay for his kids out first and after that you put money in a joint account, cover all the fixed shared costs & then split what’s left 50/50 to spend as you please.

not fair

all income into one pot.
all bills paid.
leftover split 50:50.

Is this the man you really want to have a baby with? He sounds horrific

I second this!

Your finances are either:

shared - in which case they’re pooled, all savings are used as and when but you have equal disposable income each month.

Not shared -50/50 payments but you have to both contribute £10k from savings.

I do not understand why we as women would not pool money with someone, but you’d let them use your womb 🫠 what is the real reason? Fairness? Equality?? There’s nothing equal when it comes to the effort of using your physical being to create and birth a new person (and unless he’s an absolute angel of a father I doubt he’ll be exactly 50:50 afterwards with childcare/washing/nights etc etc) he should be happy to pool all his money with you - his wife..

What about all child-related costs? You'll end up doing 'i owe you this', 'you owe me that' for the rest of your life. Pool family money (bills, mortgage, transport, baby/children, food, holidays) and then anything left over you can choose independently what you do with it.

Women should always have access to their own savings.

I have £20k more savings than him, so he thinks I should spend this first

Oh does he now...
Ypu are redundant on at leave.

Your joint outgoings are £6k he makes £6.4k he can afford to adjust his lifestyle and support his wife and unborn child for 6 -12month

Weirdly id suggest you contribute some savings if he was less insistent he kick in nothing extra preserve his lifestyle while you scrimp and suffer... like wtf?

His attitude is actually the flag that.means you should 100% preserve all your savings.

This isnt fair (£2k vs £500) and id be asking him to explain how he thinks thats right ....
i'd also like to know who is doing sick days and night wakes and nursery picks up

It might just be he is anxious??? But you really need a proper discussion

50% is totally unreasonable and denies the reality of having a child together

How could anyone not exclude maternity leave for his child, whether they have separate finances or not??

Slightly off topic but feel slightly concerned you have been made redundant whilst pregnant.
Assume this has not been an illegal redundancy? Please check you haven’t been shafted

What a strange marriage to quibbling over finances like this.

Its ridiculous to dip into savings, it seems he can pay for everything whilst you are on leave and have a surplus, you never use savings unless you have no other option.

During Mat leave you are contributing unpaid labour which allows him to continue to work. Therefore financial contributions need adjusting to take account of this imbalance in labour contributions.

He should be covering costs from his salary during your Mat leave. As you have been made redundant it seems you won’t be getting any mat leave pay. If that’s not enough to cover all the bills then you contribute equally from your savings. Anything else is not fair

Op, you have savings and your redundancy money right? Will it he enough for the whole year and then to cover you if you don’t find a job by the time your maternity leave is over?

we don’t have joint finances. I earn just over £100k and he twice that so we just paid what we would both usually pay in proportion to our earnings. (I wasn’t made redundant though and still got full pay for just over 6 months) and the statutory pay) so had enough to cover bills/expenses without dipping into savings.If you were not made redundant how were you going to make ends during your mat leave? Can you just use your redundancy pay without using your savings. I just don’t think you use savings.

What a selfish prick. You are growing a baby for both of you and you are staying home to care for the baby you both made. He should take up the financial slack. I cant believe men like this. Dont let him get away with it.