Using my savings to fund maternity leave - what’s fair?

[maternitymoney1]

I’m looking for advice on managing finances during maternity leave please.

I’m pregnant and have just been made redundant, but once I’m on maternity I’ll be eligible for maternity allowance. My husband earns £6.4k take home each month. His outgoings including mortgage and bills are £3.5k, mine are £2.5k (he has 2 other children and pays maintenance).

He believes that whilst I’m on maternity leave he should contribute half of my mortgage/bills cost (£900) and I should use my savings for the rest. This would leave him with £2k left over each month whereas I would have a deficit of £1k before any other spending.

I have £20k more savings than him, so he thinks I should spend this first. I worry that when I return to work I’m likely to earn much less than him and I want access to the money I’ve saved.

He says there’s no such thing as ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ and that he will be happy to pay for more if I don’t have money to pay for things like holidays in the future - and I believe him. But he doesn’t actually want to combine finances.

What’s fair in this situation?

I'm not sure I filly understand your current financial situation, but pregnancy and maternity are shared costs. You need to pool your finances now you have a shared child.

You are carrying his baby and have been made redundant, hes going to have to step up and cover you and not expect you to dip into savings.

I don't know where some of you find these princes amongst men.

That's shocking. You'll be digging by into savings and he'll be adding to his all so you can take care of your joint child?

I get it, I could have written your post a few days ago.

In his last relationship his wife stayed at home and barely worked for 6 years whilst they had their kids. So I thought that covering my 1 year maternity leave before I go back to work full time wouldn’t be a problem.

He’s actually not an unreasonable person so I can talk to him, I think the imbalance in savings has muddied the waters. I am feeling particularly vulnerable at the moment after losing my job whilst pregnant so emotions are running high and I was hesitant to argue as I’m doubting myself and feeling selfish for wanting to keep my savings.

This !
The men that have the cheek to penny pinch after the women carrying the child and going through child birth. It’s disgusting .

THIS.

I'm sorry OP, but this is a man who wants to have his cake & eat it. I'm surprised you even got married, because such types usually don't want to.

Men who split things in this way and have expectations like this don't have a team mentality. You're not a unit to him, - you're just two people who happen to be travelling in the same direction, but in separate vehicles. He's on his own side, and even regarding something to do with supporting the future mother of his child, he wants to ensure that he doesn't give a penny more than he has to.

The fair thing is that his income supports you while you take time off GROWING AND LOOKING AFTER HIS FUCKING BABY.Yes, I'm shouting because anything else is not at all fair.

You should at the very least have a house account with a fund for all joint outgoings to which you contribute a percentage of what you earn/bring in. Also a joint credit card for all joint purchases- food, nappies, clothes for baby which is paid off every month from the joint account.

Don't "float the idea", tell that this is how it needs to be.

And what if in the future he loses his job, and you’re back working? Will he expect you to just cover your 50% and let him scrabble around for his half? Or would he hope that in that situation you’d be pulling together as a family to cover things.

Aside from that, the baby is a joint “project” which necessitates you taking some time out of work. In this case also makes it harder for you to find work probably at this point. Is it really sensible to lose a savings pot rather than for the person who’s in work to cover more of the day to day expenses that they can afford to do?

Im sure you’ll find a solution.

If you want to pool your income, should you not also pool your savings? If I were him, I’d be a bit peeved at donating my wages to someone who had way more savings than me.

The funny thing is, he’s not actually tight. He’s just told me that he wants to book 2 holidays for us (I think he has noticed I’m upset).

Of course I’ve said I want to sort out this issue first and we can chat about it later.

Before my redundancy we earned similar amounts so both high earners, it feels crazy to me that I’m sitting around crying about money when there’s plenty to go round! And I appreciate to others reading this that it may come across insensitive x

@maternitymoney1 so he continues to save while you loose any financial security you have. You are growing/birthing his child and doing the child care. He still expects you to pay and his contribution is what???
Tell him it’s not happening . He needs to know he will end up paying maintenance for another child if he is this up .

If we’re pooling our income going forward long term I’m happy to pool my savings. (I think that’s what you mean as opposed to pooling income for a short period whilst on maternity).

But maybe I should make this clearer to him. We didn’t really talk too much about pooling everything as he said he didn’t want to and we instead moved onto talking about a fair agreement.

What is his contribution to the needs of his partner and new child ?
zilch! Seriously ?
Op keeps her savings and he carrys the extra outgoings for the years . Why should op loose any security while he continues to save ?

You are absolutely not unreasonable to want to keep your savings - this is important from a mental perspective too when you're out of work. In addition he should be contributing to your pension while you are being a full time carer to HIS child. You're going through a doubly vulnerable time with being pregnant and and out of work. If he is indeed reasonable, he should understand and be willing to cover the costs for your maternity leave as he did for his first wife. Plus, him paying out child support is effectively you contributing to his child support too as marital assets are legally joint. You're right to think it through carefully so you can approach him in a reasoned manner but also completely well within your rights to have a full on strop about the way he is treating you. I would lose my mind and probably kick him out of the house if my husband said something like that to me right now quite frankly (I'm also pregnant and about to go on maternity leave atm). I hope you work it out and he comes to his senses OP!

You’re not insensitive, you’re vulnerable because you’ve no job to go back to and a selfish knob who is quite happy to drain your last resource to leave you completely dependent on him at the end of your mat leave. It’s a no to what he’s proposing, protect your resources and start job hunting asap

You need access to money while looking after your shared baby. Joint account, joint pot or a sum transferred to you every month.

We also have separate finances.

DH covered all bills during my maternity while my maternity was my spending money/ supermarket shop. We discussed larger purchases as they arose. As the higher earner, DH has always covered DS‘ childcare as it also enables him to work.

Be very careful. His first marriage broke up for a reason.

It's easy to be nice when everything's going well and there's plenty of money.

You may have been a high earner but you're not currently.

Don't judge him by what he says. Judge him by what he does.

My husband and I have separate finances but a joint bills account. I just tell him what to pay in. He does (standing order).

I agree with this.

And we've never split 50/50. We split based on post tax income.

You need that £20k so that you have escape money.

If he can’t afford to support you 100% while you are on maternity leave then why are you with him??

Exactly.

Maternity leave is a shared cost due to shared baby.
All child related costs are shared due to shared baby.
I'd iron this out now. Else it will be you paying for nursery

We did proportional contribution. We earned the same before maternity.

On the months I for occupational maternity (full pay) I contributed my usual 50%.

When I went onto SMP (£750 a month) imagine he earned £3K. He was earning 80% and me 20%. So he paid 80% of everything and I paid 20%.

If I had gone into unpaid maternity leave he would have paid 100%.

All of this is until the total cost reached the income we were bringing in each month. Once the amount spent reached that amount, we would then have contributed 50% each to the extra from savings.

So if we spent £3500 in a month where he earned £3K and me nothing, he would pay £3250 and me £250. So equal out of savings.

If it was £3500 in a month when he earned £3K and me £750, he would pay £2,800 and me £600. So we'd both have some left over. Absolutely everything including baby items and classes I took baby to etc were included in this.

But she's having his child and losing income because of that. While his income doesn't change.
You could balance that by he pays half of what a nanny would cost.