Is coffee really that important? (lighthearted)

[exhaustDAD]

This is going to be drama-free. For some reason, the last few weeks in multiple aspects of my life I have seen/read people saying a potential partner not drinking coffee is a dealbreaker. Seen it pop up in some threads here, heard a coworker say it a few weeks back and today a friend was listing reasons why she decided not to go on a second date with a guy...

Did I miss something? Did this become the latest nonsense to be given more importance than it should be? I might be an old-fashioned guy in an old-fashioned marriage, but for some reason me not drinking coffee never caused a stir in my marriage with a coffee-drinking wife. Just like how I am not fussed about which flavour crisps she's choosing for an afternoon snack...haha

My dh and I often have different meals because one of us might not fancy what the other is having . Wonder if I should divorce him because he does not like a salmon fillet ?
Tbh it's also a bit controlling and weird .

I do love that my DH makes us coffee each morning and we sit in bed and slowly wake up and chat. But to be fair this could equally be over a cup of tea!

It would annoy me to be with a partner that never put the kettle on. DH makes me cups of tea and coffee and I do the same for him. To have a partner who didn’t make hot drinks would be a bit annoying, but not a deal breaker if he was really good in bed.

There was a thread of deal breakers/icks and it was mind blowing!

Many said about not being with someone who didn’t read books.
One said she broke up with someone as he only read fiction books.

Its batshit to not be with someone because they don’t drink hot drinks - you can have a coffee and they can order a cold drink.

I love coffee but will rarely have a coffee out unless it’s cold.

Why do they have to do the exact same thing as you - it makes no sense.

Same with things like reading, if you enjoy reading then great but why do they need to enjoy reading too.
Its ok to have your own hobbies.

Haha!
Honestly, each to their own, but I’m finding it genuinely bat shit, bonkers that not drinking coffee is considered a deal‑breaker. Imagine potentially ruling out the love of your life because they don’t enjoy a hot, bitter bean juice. Absolute madness.
If your compatibility hinges on what’s in someone’s mug rather than who they are, that says far more about the criteria than the person.

Why is it very strange for an adult to not drink tea or coffee?

Some people like hot drinks and some don’t.
I don’t see it as strange either way.

I don’t know. I always find it a bit suspect if people don’t drink coffee. I couldn’t tell you why. But I think it’s just a fundamental difference. I think it depends how big of an impact it would have on your relationship.

For example, I don’t drink alcohol. Dh does. I did drink when we were dating, so it didn’t impede on the types of things we enjoyed doing together. If we were dating now, he’d probably get bored of me being done with my one kombucha by 9pm and wanting to go home and go to bed! Same if I said, let’s go for a walk and stop for a coffee. If they didn’t really like the tea selection there or were funny about going for a hot drink, it would be an annoyance.

I have a friend who doesn’t drink coffee or tea, only Pepsi Max (an extreme example!), but if we meet at a cafe there often isn’t anything she wants and she just watches me have a coffee, which feels a bit weird (I don’t think she cares, just me).

I need coffee to give myself a personality, but I would not care if a potential partner didn't drink it.
I find that as tedious as someone e.g. saying their partner must be someone who drinks alcohol or isn't veggie/vegan.

Coffee drinking is a big deal for some people and I wouldn't judge on it. I would however not want a first date to be a 'coffee somewhere'. No thanks.

For those who somehow by some mental gymnastics tie drinking coffee to being mature, all I have to say is:

Yes, the fact that I can start my day like any living creature on the planet without moaning/being snappy unless I get my cup of hot liquid surely makes me the immature one out of the two extremes... (we all know people like that - the "don't talk to me until I had my coffee" - types)

I love coffee but don’t necessarily drink it when I go out.

But a ‘coffee’ (or bar) is my ideal first date.
Although I don’t always order coffee.

I like that it’s a quick meet up, doesn’t cost too much but I can stay later or leave after a short time.
Unlike a meal or something that you can’t leave earlier without being rude.

It’s actually way healthier and more ‘mature’ to not drink coffee in the morning.

I say that as a coffee lover.

I sort of agree with this. Morning coffee rituals are important to me and grinding and brewing and drinking coffee is something I look forward to each day! I'd be a bit sad not to share that with DH.

It's a bit like alcohol though I suppose?

Also I think I would get a bit of a ick if a grown man didn't like coffee. Sorry chaps.

I don't know about very strange and I don't think it would be a deal-breaker for me in an otherwise great relationship, it's not something I think I would ever verbalise to anyone else even, certainly wouldn't mention it to the person, but I do agree that there's something a bit jarring about someone that doesn't drink any hot drinks in any form ever (I have my own very private views on people who only have herbals/decaf/hot chocolate, and on those who will only have loose leaf tea or fresh ground coffee / turn their nose up at instant /tea bags, but I still consider these people slightly less weird overall than the absolute hot drink refusers). It's such an embedded part of our culture, so many occasions when it's just the done thing to offer/be offered/have a hot drink, little break at work, hot drink, first thing in the morning, hot drink, need a little sit down and rest on a shopping trip or day out, hot drink, meeting a friend for a catch-up, hot drink, visitor/visiting someone else's home, hot drink, emotional event or shock, hot drink, showing or being shown a small act of affection, hot drink. There's something like you say in the ritual of it, the act of waiting while you heat the water and the effort of mixing the drink that's somehow just a bit 'extra' than the basic provision of hydration out of a tap or bottle.

Of course people might not always accept your offer in all the social circumstances above where it's customary to offer tea or coffee, that's not weird at all, a lot of the custom/etiquette is in the offering not always the acceptance (and it's obviously also totally fine if they prefer water or something else instead), but someone who you're going to spend all your life with and who will never, ever accept a hot drink so you can never offer one when you want to show them a bit of low-key care/affection, and equally it's always a tiny bit of an extra imposition for them to make you hot drinks rather than it being a reciprocal thing, yeah, I think I would find that a bit strange... Not break-up worthy though and I would definitely find it very weird if someone gave that as the sole or even main reason to break up!

I would get the ick if he said his morning coffee ritual was important to him and something he looks forward to.

I’d think he had a pretty sad life tbh.

And I’m a big coffee drinker!

😂

I wouldn't put it quite like that but I might say "OMG I'm already looking forward to coffee tomorrow - is that sad?"

and he would say "OMG me too babe."

It's more of a taking JOY from the daily grind (pun intended).

We are both ancient btw, I appreciate that we sound about 14 in the above example but I'm standing by it...

Coffee is good for me. Coffee keeps me out of prison.

See I'd be more inclined to bin off a "dont talk to me until i've had my coffee" type of person, than a person who doesnt drink coffee at all.

(i like coffee but dont think its this all powerful elixir)

I don't drink coffee at all. I've dated men who do, and men who don't drink tea.
All fine.

My sister wouldn't date someone who didn't drink coffee. Me not drinking it annoys her enough and I only see her about three times a year!

I wouldn't date a guy who ate a lot of cheese and onion crisps though.

I ended a dating situation with a guy who ate no spices, no tomatoes and had to have his dinner before 6pm. That's a nope.

I agree! Surely also it would be more of a dealbreaker for the person who doesn’t drink coffee due to coffee breath, expense (if getting them out) and some people’s apparent inability to function without their morning coffee? So random!

With my sister, she's so bloody fussy about it that in any town there is likely to be only one place that does a flat white she finds acceptable. It's so tedious.

Just drink something else for god's sake! When our mother was dying in hospital the whole day still revolved around her perfect flat white, which she could only get in one place, in the opposite direction to the hospital. It's an addiction!

I don't drink any hot drinks. I dated a guy once who was obsessed with coffee, had to have a mug on the go all the time. His breath stank, I soon got the ick.

Ooh, I got dumped for this about 20 years ago.

About 8 weeks in, she told me the fact I didn't like hot drinks or wine was proof that I wasn't ready to be an adult.

Me pointing out that she'd had an actual tantrum the week before because we couldn't get into a restaurant she'd neglected to book didn't help matters.

Wow... now that is special. I love the "maturity" angle. Anyone dressing it up as such is ironically immature to begin with... Life is funny like that.