Zero attraction on first date

[Sunshine386]

I went on a first online date with a guy and there was zero attraction. Reasonable conversation but I simply couldn't see him in a romantic light. When I first saw him when I arrived at the pub I was a bit taken aback with disappointment. I had wore flat shoes because I'm 5ft 9, he was supposedly 5ft10 in his profile and wore trainers but he was still definitely shorter than me. So that irritated me a bit that he lied about that, however I just didn't find his whole body language and mannerisms attractive either.

What do you do in these situations? I've read what I've written and it makes me sound terribly judgmental. Do you give it more chances with people like this who seem nice and interested in you?

No!!!
You say ' thank you fir the evening. Take care. ' and then you leave.
Why on earth would you see him again?

Absolutely not, are you a charity shop?

Just move on.

No. It won't get better if there's no attraction at all.

No, don't see him again. I'd text saying "didn't feel a spark, all the best...." and if he gets pushy then block but save the texts in case you need them later.

Lovely to meet you but I’m sure you’ll agree the chemistry wasn’t there for us. All the best!

He lied about his height... not a good start.

Move on.

OLD is savage. You need to be too.
These people are strangers til at least date 5.
Be polite, dont be unkind, just say, thanks for the date, but I just wasnt feeling it. All the best!

Make sure when you start chatting to someone you dont chat for long. Around 48hours then arrange a quick coffee day date. Dont overinvest. Dont tell ppl your life stories.

P.s if someone has lied on profile, dont ever go back there

In the past I've had situations where I don't necessarily fancy the person immediately but that has changed second date onwards. But this was a definite jolt of surprise and him not being what I expected. The height I was surprised about but his whole persona/body language just wasn't attracted

You're not supposed to fancy every man from OLD! You're overthinking. Say 'thanks but no thanks' and move on.

Are you sure you’re ready for online dating, @Sunshine386? Because you shouldn’t really have to ask whether it’s ok to not continue seeing someone you’re not attracted to.

There’s someone on instagram (they may also have a book out) who has developed excellent strategies for navigating the online dating world and maintaining your self respect. Someone else on the thread may be able to remember her name and the project. (I first read about it here.)

It’s quite odd that you’re this taken aback by not fancying him. Take a 15-minute walk through a busy city centre. How many of the hundreds of men you will pass are you attracted to? Just move on.

I’m also surprised this is even a question, if there is no attraction move on, first date is to see if there is,

I can’t believe you’re actually asking this

What would be the point of a second date? For you to feel less judgemental and less guilty? Maybe a better question would be to ask why you are judging yourself for not liking someone. Seems like a perfectly normal thing to me to stop seeing people after the first date.
Ate you worried that this is as good as it gets? Then it's more of a self-esteem issue.
You met, you didn't feel the connection, you move on. He'll be just fine and probably already has three more dates lined up. You should too

There has to be some kind of attraction there.
Attraction isn't always physical, it can be that you found them intriguing, or quirky, funny, liked their laugh, or wanted to hear more from them, or you liked the way they walked, or the way they looked at you....anything small can form an attraction.

You stated you felt nothing....and were put off by his height. Surely your done?

There's also knowing when to stop because your leading someone on.

Again, for me, if someome has lied, age/height/job/anything im out. I dont care about age, I dont care about jobs, I dont care about height....I care about lying.

Come on! Everyone tells small lies/exaggerates on their profile. A short man adding an inch to his height is pretty standard, considering how many women impose a shallow, blanket ban on dating any man under 5’10”. Many women I know knock a few years off their age. They are not “lying to you” they are trying to present the best possible version of themselves in a shallow, brutally competitive environment.

I can categorically tell you i have never lied on OLD (was on a site for around 8 months) and also all the guys I met were truthful (as much as you find out in those first few dates).

If I met someone who had lied, id be out.

I can only speak for myself, but its a massive red flag for me. Why lie? Youll get found out and at best look like a prat at worst you wont be trusted.

Thankfully I no longer have to navigate the OLD world, met my DP in RL and been together over a year.

@Sunshine386 your post doesn’t sound judgemental at all. I mean dating is all about judging someone! Unfortunately it’s more likely than not that there’s gonna be no attraction there on online dates IME. I did end up seeing someone for a while from OLD once who I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to on our first date. We got along really well and the attraction grew and by the third date I really fancied him. But, as I said, it wasn’t a definite no for me on the first date, I just felt unsure. If it’s a definite no that you’re not questioning at all then you politely say thanks for a nice time but you didn’t feel there was any spark there. Goodbye

Maybe you need to lie sometimes to challenge some people’s shallow, misguided beliefs they have about what’s important to them in a partner. I’m not talking about big lies, I’m talking about a man saying he’s 5’10” instead of 5’9”. Two options for a 5’9” man - he’s honest about his height and doesn’t appear in 40% of women’s profiles cos they’ve filtered out anyone under 5’10” so he never gets a date, or he adds an inch, matches with someone and goes on a date with her. There’s mutual attraction, they’re getting on great, he admits he’s an inch shorter than he said he was, he apologises, they laugh about it, she realises how ridiculous & shallow she’s been with such a rigid attitude. They fall in love and live happily ever after. The end. That’s just an example, also women who say they’re 39 when they’re 40 because shallow men (who are the same age or older 🙄) will often filter out any woman over 40. These people need their shallowness and rigidity challenged! It contributes to making society a better place with nicer, more open-minded people

I had a date once with someone whose photo was at least ten years old. Ridiculous really as he was an attractive fireman anyway. But the dishonesty put me off.

Do not force it with a man so insecure he lied about his height.

You are, genuinely, allowed to find someone not attractive. It's online dating not an arranged marriage, you can walk away at any time from anyone.

Do you class yourself as a short man?

Just asking as your very fixated on this height thing.

I can only speak for myself, height doesnt bother me, but I am only 5ft 2 😂so everyone is taller than me.

I think instinctively, women do want a man taller than them, it going back to instincts and that "protector role". You cant hate on people for having preferences.
Dont pretend there's plenty of men out there that only want blondes, or big assets, or a curvy bum, or even ask women if they wear dresses and high heels 😂

Sure, it all seems shallow, but each to their own. Men who get all bitter about the height thing will make themselves more unattractive to someone than their height does🤷‍♀️

P.s you'll never ever convince me that lying is ok.
P.p.s if someone is shallow youll never change that. A couple with a shallow person and a lier in it....what a great mix, good luck to them 🙄

I'm probably the wrong person to lie to about height because I'm tall and I will notice someone not being 5ft 10. I'm 5ft 9(been measured as that about 6 months ago) so I'm definitely no taller thans this, and this bloke was definitely shorter, maybe 5ft 8. With height I'm in two minds though, I think some people simply don't know how tall they are, rather than lying as such.

This wasn't the only reason I wasn't attracted to him though, and I have been attracted to men of my height before so being the same height isn't a particular issue.

What waffle. And op said she is still taller than him so it isnt one inch either.

Why would those people lying about their age and height want to date people deemed shallow anyway? Why would I want to date a 50 year old man who had his age range preference as 18-40 anyway? Seeing that would make me think he is to be avoided. I wouldnt lie to date him. He isnt a prize.

if you are saying your preference is a man who is taller than you, him saying you do not have a right to have that preference is a red flag.

My dh always thought he was 6feet3. He was measured last year and has ‘lost’ an inch and a half. He was shocked. I have also lost half an inch from being a teen. Inaccurate measuring at the doctors or am i shrinking?