Zero attraction on first date

[Sunshine386]

I went on a first online date with a guy and there was zero attraction. Reasonable conversation but I simply couldn't see him in a romantic light. When I first saw him when I arrived at the pub I was a bit taken aback with disappointment. I had wore flat shoes because I'm 5ft 9, he was supposedly 5ft10 in his profile and wore trainers but he was still definitely shorter than me. So that irritated me a bit that he lied about that, however I just didn't find his whole body language and mannerisms attractive either.

What do you do in these situations? I've read what I've written and it makes me sound terribly judgmental. Do you give it more chances with people like this who seem nice and interested in you?

Hopefully (for both of you) it was just a drink rather than dinner.
Make the first meet-ups short - a coffee, for example. For the exact reason you’ve outlined.

Or maybe you need to give a wide berth to people who lie on their profiles as well as men over 40 looking for much younger women rather than go out of your way to be empathetic and hope for the best.
Where does it end? Married men pretending to be single or nobody will match with them? Unemployed men claiming to be a CEO of an international corporation? A couch-hogger pretending to be an arctic explorer?
No. Tell me the truth and then I have all the information to make an informed decision. Anything else is a manipulation.

What waffle

My example wasn’t based on the OP.

Not all people who have rigid ideas about height/age etc are horrible people, some just need a bit of educating or help having their mind opened.

Ewwww "some need educating or their mind opening"

Yuck.

Everyone is entitled to a preference. It either works or it doesnt. Its not on someone else to educate them away from their preference. Controlling much

I am also 5ft 9. Honestly I'm of the feeling the height thing isn't such a big deal but the attraction wasn't there so its a no starter anyway, You weren't ever going to fancy him, taller or not.

I used to filter my potential dates by height, I used to think it would be embarrassing if my partner wasn't taller than me. But I met my husband (5ft 7) in real life in the end and the chemistry and connection was just incredibly strong and there from the start. I did briefly ponder the being taller than him thing, but I was attracted to him regardless, my worry was mainly in other peoples perceptions, but noone really cared.

I get why guys might feel they have to lie a bit economical with the truth... I definitely could tell on OLD that several weren't the height they said they were. But then I'm sure women would be equally economical on a question about weight. And both sexes are guilty of using slightly old photos from what I've heard!

I did date someone once who lied about living on his own. He told me after the second date that he had been living with his mum for the past couple of months (this guy was late 30s). He hadn't told me at first because he was embarrassed, however it turned out he had actually been living with her for a couple of years. I gave the benefit of the doubt and dated him for a few months, however it turned out this guy was very insecure about the fact I had my own place compared to his situation and he was generally emotionally unavailable and it turned out to be not a good choice of guy to date.

So I'd also be concerned that lying can mean a person who's generally insecure

Defensive much? You’re obvs one of them bitter giant women roaming the land accidentally squashing tiny men with your big shoe 🤣

I've never lied (or "exaggerated") on a dating profile. Without honesty there is no possibility of a genuine relationship, so why start off on a basis that sinks the whole ship before it even sails?

Also bewildered at how people think someone will not notice that they are several inches shorter, or 10 years older, than they've said. Or even if they're a few years older, it will come up in some technical way in the future if the relationship gets at all serious.

Did you read my posts?! 🙄

@Waitingforthesunnydays like this one?! 🤦‍♀️

Obviously don't see him again.

I wouldn't assume he's lying about his height though, you or he may be just wrong about it. It's years ago now but I got measured by two different doctors within a couple of weeks - once by my son's consultant to cross reference with his unusual growth pattern as an infant then one by the GP doing my work health check. They were 3" different!

The height thing is not really an issue though.A couple of inches here and there.If you dont feel any attraction or spark ,then just dont see him again! I should think this is standard really.My DD is on OLD and many times just one date either from her or them .No biggie just move on to the next one

NEXT!!!!!

Don’t angst about it. You didn’t like his personality and potentially he lied. Say thanks but no further date then block. Also think about why you’re worried about doing this and work on your self esteem. You deserve to be with someone that you like and respect and are attracted to.

Obviously not OP !!!
If it’s not right from the start it will never be right .
You’re not even attracted to him ! .
You’re not judgemental, you’re just not into him .
If you go into dating with the mindset of “ maybe I should settle “ .
Well then you’re going to fuck yourself over & end up dating the wrong men .

I went on a few dates with a guy before that I knew from the minute he walked out of restaurant he wasn’t for me , but like you at the time was saying to myself “ oh but he likes you , he’s nice to you “ 🙄 . I went on a second date with him , but like what was I thinking , that he would grow on me or something !!!.
I knew from the first date & I should have left it there .

OP - you said you have in the past found attraction has kicked in on the second date. If you really want to be sure then have a second date with him?

You are still allowed to call it all off at the end of the second one.

Wrt his lie about his height - i can see how that would put you off as height is something 'on your radar'. Did you say anything to him about it? Lightheartedly - ''Are you really 5'10?! Cos i'm 5'9 and i'm in my flats .....''.

If there had been a spark would you have cared about the inch or would you have laughed it off?

I mean - there's no right or wrong here, this is all up to you and that's the point. If you're not sure do another date and then confidently draw a line under it all. But from what you're saying here it sounds like you actively DISLIKE him to some extent ...

For it to be noticeable I would guess it was more than an inch.
I think I would get over an inch maybe he had a different posture last time he got measured etc. But for it to be noticeable nah.
What else is he putting sprinkles on to make shit seem better?

People don’t need ‘educating’ about what they find attractive ffs.

I feel the only guys who might deserve persevering with spark is where he was honest and you get on well as friends and he is really keen on you. I've always felt it's best when they are honest and like you more than you like them.

I had a first date with a guy, wasn't attracted to him, could not see that ever changing, decided not to persist (just a waste of time), even though he was keen. Pleasant date, but best to just leave it there.

I just don’t fancy men shorter than me. Even just an inch taller is good.

This thread is turning into a repeat of the "he lied about his height" thread, which seemed to end with the conclusion that 1 inch difference in real and online height meant that the man would turn out to be a serial killer.

Height seems to be a minor annoyance to the OP, but there seems to be a MN obsession with 1 inch.

Lots of factors why you didn't find him attractive, forget about him and move on.

You mean re-educating, don’t you?

You mean have their boundaries ignored.

Disgusting attitude.

I gave people a second chance if they were really funny. If not I used to send a text as soon as I was out of eyeshot to say ‘lovely to meet you but I didn’t feel any spark. Good luck, hope you meet someone nice soon’.

Yeah it's kinda of weird but don't we all put flattering photos of ourselves